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Philander Homer Stonks
Phil

Chaotic Neutral Kor (Charlatan)
Artificer 7
32 / 32 HP
STR
10
DEX
15
CON
10
INT
17
WIS
9
CHA
15

Ex-husband, traveling infomercial salesman. A charlatan. Wanted in several countries.


Sat 14th Nov 2020 07:22

Meeting Ve

by Philander Homer Stonks

Phil rounded a corner and found himself once again at a dead end. Phil cursed the city planners that had designed the city with these maze like alleyways all over, if it had been up to him, he would've made it a nice grid. He was just about to turn back and try heading in a new direction to get to [idk Chef place] when he noticed a woman standing alone at the end of the alley. She had her back to him, and as he watched she seemed to stumble over and collapse in on herself. Phil gasped as the woman turned into a bird. He'd never seen anyone turn into another animal so close to him! But his amazement soon changed as the bird flew towards him before turning back into a towering woman before him. And she looked mad. Had Phil infringed on something private here? Was shapeshifting something to be done only in private? The woman hoisted Phil up by his lapels and started whispering harshly.
"Tell anyone about this and I'll-I'll-" Phil signed rapidly, he couldn't talk out here, in the open! It was dangerous for a Kor like him! Luckily they were standing beside what looked like a tavern, so frantically he pointed towards its door. With a sigh, the woman dropped him back to his feet and ushered him indoors. Phil looked around. This place didn't look very respectable, and he didn't want to get in any trouble. He was late enough as it was to meet up with the rest of the [idk chef people]. The woman dropped into a nearby booth and beckoned him over.
"Uhh so I don't know what all this is about...if this about you turning into a bird back there polymorph is pretty common? Or wildshape, or whatever you've got. It's not like you need to hide it around here?". She leaned across the table to me, probably intending to appear intimidating. It was working.
"If you tell anyone that I'm a lichen, I will hunt you down." A lichen? What did she mean she was a lichen?
"Oh like the species! Don't worry about me, I don't like getting involved in the law anymore than I have to. And what would I tell them, I saw a lychan? I don't even know your name!"
"Ve," she sighed. "You can call me Ve." Phil's eyes lit up, a potential new customer! He began his schpeel, remembering that he should use an alias in a place like this
"Well it's a pleasure to meet you Ve! I'm Jeremiah Jebediah Jimson Jr, at your service! Here to tell you about some miraculous inventions that will make your life easier!"
"Why were you in that alley? You don't seem like someone who frequents them" Ve interrupted.
"Oh uh" Phil rubbed the back of his neck, "Well I'm trying to get [chef place] but I keep getting lost. You wouldn't happen to know where it is, would you Ve?"
"Why are you heading there?"
"Ah there's some sort of cooking championship going on there, I joined with a friend" Phil blushed, thinking about the 'friend' he had joined with, "Winner gets access into Tol'Toma and all that, and you know, as an inventor myself, I'd be delighted for a tour."
"What a coincidence, I've been wanting to get in there too." Ve looked at Phil closely. "Tell you what Jebediah, I can lead you there in exchange for your secrecy, and access to that competition." Phil felt a wave of relief wash over him. A tour guide! And he didn't even need to pay! And this woman-Ve, looked competent. She could probably make the competition easier, so that Phil could just coast through on everyone's coattails. He smiled, and thrust his hand out to shake on it.

Philander's Journal Ordered oldest to newest

  1. Philander's Garbage Trash Infomercial Inventions
    12 Nov 2020 04:38:11
  2. Tol'Toma Aquaintance
    12 Nov 2020 04:48:48
  3. Meeting Ve
    14 Nov 2020 07:22:21

The major events and journals in Philander's history, from the beginning to today.

Session 4: Escaping the mist

06:03 pm - 19.01.2021

Session 4: Escaping the mist

10:42 pm - 17.01.2021

Session 1: The Audition

05:59 am - 17.01.2021

Session 1: The Audition

05:59 am - 17.01.2021

IT'S BEEN A YEAR AND THREE MONTHS

07:56 pm - 06.01.2021

Girlfriend!

Question: If you establish a relationship with someone, and you date for 3 days, and then she falls into a coma for a year and three months before waking up again, are you still dating? Do we qualify for a civil partnership at this point? #Imnotreadyformarriageagain #Myheartwasbrokensohardlasttime

07:55 pm - 06.01.2021

I met my mom!

Met my mom! I think at least. Everyone seems to be calling her mother, so I guess she's mine too. Also we're in some sort of timeless dimension floating in space.

07:53 pm - 06.01.2021

Possibly went insane! Also I'm essentially a god now

Stared at a wall for a year and three months. #livingthatgoodberrylife

07:51 pm - 06.01.2021

Session 2: Below the nest

09:27 am - 06.01.2021

Session 2: Below the nest

10:05 pm - 03.01.2021

Meeting Ve

Phil rounded a corner and found himself once again at a dead end. Phil cursed the city planners that had designed the city with these maze like alleyways all over, if it had been up to him, he would've made it a nice grid. He was just about to turn back...

07:22 pm - 14.11.2020

Tol'Toma Aquaintance

After the unknown woman left Phil's home, he went through the things she left behind. Among her notes, he found a letter. Something seemed off about the letters to him, so he slaved over it trying to uncover its secrets. He soon discovered a hidden mes...

04:48 am - 12.11.2020

Philander's Garbage Trash Infomercial Inventions

The Cloakie aka a snuggie, two cloaks sewn together The Snapper A candle that lights up when someone snaps near it (this is Phil casting prestidigitation) SuperClean A liquid that instantly cleans any fabric (this is Phil casting prestidigitation...

04:38 am - 12.11.2020

LIMITED TIME ONLY! Selling the brand new PATENT PENDING CLOAKIE!!! The blanket that you can WEAR! Contact me for DETAILS! #entrepeneur #singledad #pleaseIneedmoney

04:25 am - 11.11.2020

Man I sure miss my kids #divorcee

04:23 am - 11.11.2020

Just exploded something! #CantWaitToBeRunOutOfTheCity

04:21 am - 11.11.2020

The list of amazing people following the adventures of Philander.