First Impressions

I'm not sure about what I have agreed to. The party seems disjointed. Our benefactors have no concern for our safety. The initial travel went fairly smoothly despite all this. That night we camped at the base of the mountain, Felix and Gotrek had us pick a leader. Gold was the obvious choice. Sornafein seemed a bit judgmental, but I guess that is warranted. We know nothing about each other. The one thing we did learn, all of us seem disjointed from our past either partly or completely. That was incredibly creepy. Almost like we were not in control of the party's creation, some other worldly force brought us together. We all seem to be looking for something in ourselves, about our past.
 
The party seems uneasy around me. They wonder why I don't sleep. I wish I knew. The advantage is I can stay up all night. The disadvantage is, without night light of some sort, I cannot see. While on watch, a dog entered the camp. I didn't even see it. I was so embarrassed. First night on guard duty, and I don't even see the damn dog. Turns out, it may have been a trap. Probably best I didn't see it. I probably would have made the wrong decision about how to handle it. There were more in the forest. Felix seems unsure about my ability to make decisions. The rest of the night went by without issue, other then my continued lack of confidence.
 
The following morning, everyone got up to eat. I tried to look busy doing other things. I miss eating. I wish I could taste, something, anything. They didn't seem to notice I missed breakfast. The march was steady. We hit some rough terrain, but we pushed through fairly easily. We headed up the mountain and came to a bridge that was decayed and broken. The crevice was around 10 feet wide. The observers just sat down and waited. It was at this point I knew, they weren't going to help. Nobody seemed to have an idea to get across. I have to wonder, am I the only person who actually is prepared for survival? Did anyone bring anything other then a sword and armor?
 
Once across, we spent another night camping. Camping before we hit the plateau was a strategic decision. Next morning, they noticed I wasn't eating. I tried to explain, but it is hard to tell people something you don't even know. They got awfully personal. I'm not sure what I think about baby dragon. He was kind of rude with his curiosity. I am trying not to be offended, but I kind of was. As we headed towards our destination we came upon...... something. I think they were once human. We were told about some sort of Chaos influence. It somehow mutated them. One had a second small head growing.... eww. Even their blood wasn't like regular blood. It saddens me to see such pain. I feel like I might of helped. I think the toughest thing I am going to have to learn is, I cannot do it all. I cannot save everyone. I cannot change everyone.....
 
We headed off further down the road. We heard a commotion. Sornafein went ahead in stealth and discovered a large scale battle of orcs and humans. We hurried to assist. I wasn't sure who to assist because several in our party has connections to the orcs. It was an honest question. Gotreks response was unwarranted. They want us to act like a party, and when we do, they get frustrated. I did get a heal off, but they lost 4 people. I think Felix wanted me to heal someone else. I wish he would understand that I cannot read minds. If they want us to learn, they need to give us some guidance.
 
After the battle, we introduced ourselves. Their leader is part of a sect. Felix winced noticeably when he announced his affiliation. When I got the chance, I confronted Felix. He at first attempted to brush me off. I summoned the courage to be persistent. He eventually shared the sect spoken of has been known for their zealotry. His crassness at the loss of 4 of his comrades made me wonder if Felix was right. I wonder how much our benefactors are like Aldred?
 
This battle taught me the importance of who to heal. I cannot save everyone, so be selective on who can be saved. It goes against everything I am, to not try and save everyone. I even wanted to heal the orcs. Maybe this life isn't for me. All this fighting, war, hatred. It weighs on me. Can I do this? Am I supposed to choose who lives and who..... How do I let people die when I know the hell death is.
 
We are now heading to a dwarven royalty. This setting seems all too familiar to me. <Renaldine pulls her hood and cloak around herself hoping to be unnoticed>
 
<Renaldine wonders:> What do you want from me? How do I do this? It would help to have some direction, some guidance. Am I to be the target of ridicule, not even to be able to enjoy a hot meal!?!! WHY DID YOU BRING ME BACK! Is this penance of who I was before? What did I do that was so horrible to be sentenced to this life...... or is this death?
 
The party is approaching this royalty. <Renaldine slows her approach to put herself at the rear of the party>