Hunger

Hunger. In its abstract it has always been the strongest of my primal urges. The intrinsic hunger of a wizard who strives for power above all else. The hunger of a champion who has failed his citizens he swore to protect. The hunger of a companion who has been abandoned by their other half. I could go on, but I believe I have made my point clear. As now I suffer from the literal. I have traded the abstract hunger of power, ambition, and love for the physical striking pain of an empty stomach. There is no shortage of food to eat. There was a ranger with limitless supply who left today. The pain in my core is not out of a lack of resource but rather a facilitation of control. As a captive I ate what scraps I could find, I grew stronger with each hellish nightmare and I bathed in the gore of my meals every waking moment. There are no nightmares now. There is a quiet. A dreamless sleep in which I awake each morning with a perfect amount of rest. I have found myself sleeping on the cold stone of my basement, craving the nightmares that I feared before. Wishing for an excuse to fill the void within me, crying out for something else to take the control I wrestled away from myself. There has been no answer. So I fulfill my duties as the foolish warden. I drink my problems away and I fill my stomach with liquids to trick my failing body into a state of satisfaction. I lose my money in rigged games at the tavern and for short bursts I remember who legacy is. The moments are fleeting. Becoming increasingly sparse, especially now as they are broken up by the hellish laughter outside our walls, by the crying and sniveling of spoiled merchants and the ramblings of the church goers trying to free themselves of the madness that grips them. This has to end. I travel to Cassariga tomorrow on a mission that could save the province. I will die before I fail such a mission. I am the only warden capable of saving this province and until they return I will control my own fate. I welcome whatever dark creatures are out there to try to break what is already broken. Who knows. Maybe the nightmares will keep me company on my journey once I exit these claustrophobic walls.