I am starving

It's been several days since I was captured. I miss my cat. I am trapped in dungeon with a rambling old man, and I can only surmise that Cicero and Anastasia are enjoying their time traveling the roads of billow. Bathing in running water and eating fresh. . . . . . . . food . . . . . .off the carts of passing merchants. I had a dream I ate goat for the first time the other day. It was pleasant. Dreams feel safer than reality at this point, even the nightmares. The forest was thick and I had to earn my meal. I can't remember how far I ran, nor how long. Just that my body was starting to fail. Never have I felt hunger so strongly, the desire to eat overran every command my muscles made to stop. I worked and ran and tracked, and not a single piece went to waste. I awoke to a carcass in my cell.
 
I have surmised there is power in my dreams. Forces of varying obsolescence believe they might control me, be they curses, gods, demons, what have you. Nonetheless I can assure myself that the actions I take are my own and my own alone. Reassurance doesn't satiate the pain in my stomach however. Every time I feed, the taste is divine. Somewhere inside of me, something is crying out for me to stop and evaluate what I have done. To stop hiding my actions from myself. I know what I did, I know that I consumed not just that poor lumberjack but Rhodie as well, and yet there is no regret. My body was weak, my mind was failing. I wrestled control of my dreams and I gave into the hunger and it bolstered me like nothing else. Kay was right. Arcanists need not worry about pitiful emotions or weak minded obstacles. Tools and advantages are to be sought out and discarded when their usefulness is up. My desire for companionship only clouded my judgement. I should have known the gates would be breached, I should have known Rosa had ill intent, and I should have known Vaygrade was a pompous fool the moment he brushed me off. Perhaps Rosa might still wish to find an ally in me however.
 
I will escape from my prison, I will use Rosa for the kind woman she is, I will find Vaygrade and I WILL be the one to restore what can only be the bloodied remains of this now godless town. Those who stand in my way will understand the burden and gravity of the situation, or they will be crushed by it. Should the other wardens come back, they will either be met by a dead companion, or a prosperous new vision on what an Arcanist truly could become. The pain in my core is not a hunger for flesh, it is simply the physical manifestations of what my true nature requires of me. I was not born into arcanistry simply to exist, I will know what it is to truly be deserving of a Legacy.