Journal Entry 6
The nightmares started coming back.
The nightmares where the next time I open my eyes, I'm back in the alleys of Capistrello with a knife in my stomach. Maybe writing about it will make me feel better. To remind me that it's not real anymore.
I've had my fair share of knife fights. Like street cats fighting in alleys, I too would show fangs and flash a dagger to keep others from messing with what was mine. Which, wasn't a lot. It's shameful to think about my behavior back then. Gods, what the hell did I get myself into that night, anyways? I can barely even remember. All I remember is just Blood. Blood, pain, cold. When I made it to the temple steps and Nonna quite literally saved my life, I remember just crying in her arms telling her I wanted something better. I wanted to BE better. She took me in, fed me, and started teaching me Fodla's example. Maybe She was there that night too. Maybe I'm not supposed to remember.
My body did not die that night. But the boy that got in knife fights, took what wasn't his, and wore a hundred different faces to fool everybody? He did. I didn't like him anyways, I only present masculine to feel safer.
I started taking on a different face, closer to my true self, and Nonna started calling me her granddaughter. That's when I knew I was on the right path to being better.
The nightmares aren't real. Not anymore. 6 years later, waking up in my cabin next to the fields, in the clinic, getting to spend my days helping whoever I can because I actually have the means to? That's real. This is real. I can't let this weigh on my mind so I will give that burden to this entry. And when the nightmares stop, I'll tear this page out and burn it so they never come back.
I'm okay. I'm going to be okay.
Continue reading...
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A Single Step
June 10th
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Journal Entry 1
June 16
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Journal Entry 2
June 28
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Recipe #1
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Journal Entry 3
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Journal Entry 4
August 6
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Journal Entry 5
August 16
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Recipe #2
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Journal Entry 6
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Journal Entry 7
August 25
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Journal Entry 8
August 27
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Interlude 1
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Journal Entry 9
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Journal Entry 10
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Recipe #3
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Interlude 2
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Letters to Nonna: 1
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Recipe #4
June 10th
June 16
June 28
August 6
August 16
August 25
August 27
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