Distracted from the goal?

Wilmanric showed up today. I'm not sure I liked what I saw. All flash and show. And fairly inconsiderate with that one he used for a demonstration. Not much of a warm welcome either. I mean he offered a discount and that would be nice but even that seemed like part of his show. Besides, I wouldn't take it. You pay your friends what they are worth to show support. I'm glad we parted ways. I don't want to be like that. Humans have their qualities. But goodness they have their faults too.
Maybe I'm more like them than I think? Am I here to help people really or simply here for my own gain?
 
 
Grandfather spoke about the cycle people go through. Especially those who struggle with a vice. I feel like I went down that scale in an hour today. I know he is right though. I have fallen a couple steps over the last several days and I just didn't recognize it. Sigh... Need to be honest with myself here. Forgetting Priorities, Anxiety, Speeding Up, Ticked Off, Exhausted, Relapse. Yeah I'm on Exhausted. That's not good. not healthy. Even if I hide most of it from them. sigh. OK what did he say about getting back above the scale? Propper perspective and priorities prevent piss poor performance. What's the issue and perspective I need?
They don't trust alchemy. That is causing a lot of Anxiety. That's selfish of me.
They are moody and insecure and I have been focused on my own experiments.
I want to be a servant like Mum'nPa. Am I doing that though? Not entirely maybe?
OK, how do I get back to where I want to be and get my perspective back on track. Serving others brings that joy.
I wish she had let me help. I'm not sure if she was telling the truth or not.
I do like Keth. Distractible though. He may get tripped up. I hope he can exercise the self control necessary to achieve what he wants from his studies. I should set a better example there.
We are going to get to this place at night? Wolfaen handles himself well in combat but not if he can't see. Is that the best place for my work?
Damaia...Sigh I knew I was ignoring that. OK what do I do here?
Fortune...Oh goodness I'm not sure I have the talents for that. Glittergold help me.
I really don't like this. Is it ok to grieve? Am I wrong to be frustrated with this? sigh... A real leader is a servant. OK. If it's not done with cheerfulness then I may as well have a dwarven spirit. They know how to serve but lack the warmth of home. Oh I miss that. That's ok. We'll bring it here. Deep breath Eethyl. Here we go. A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance. Here we go. Turn away from that selfishness and serve the needs of this poor mixed up lot. Here we go. Cut it off and push forward. Maybe it isn't wrong but it is right now. I don't know where we go next but that's ok. But it will bring more light than the last tenday did. Here... We... Go...
That's the goal. There's the confidence. OK, yeah this is the right way. Merry heart merry heart merry heart. I need to list the things I'm grateful for like Mum always made me do. Oh my word I'm getting older yet still so much to learn. Lets go.