Introducing Space Pirate Rumblebee~!

Okay... I got this. Rehearsed this so many times, checked the setup five times in the last ten minutes... If something goes wrong now, well... Eh, people like bloopers, right?
 
<The video cuts in to an illustrated background of the deck of an old-timey wooden pirate ship, sailing an ocean. The sound of waves and seagulls can be heard- Extremely loud at first, but then they quickly die down as Eo realizes her mistake and dials down the volume. A few seconds later, a figure emerges from the bottom of the screen. A tall, anthropomorphic bee in a pirate outfit, complete with red bandana with a skull on it and a cutlass hanging at her side. But, that might be missed by some viewers who would be instead fixated on the fact that this bee has cartoonishly large tits, complete with simulated physics.>
 
Hail, ye planetary landlubbers! I be the infamous pirate- <cough cough> ...Nope, I am not doing that voice. That hurt. Anyway Hi! I'm Rubmlebee, and I'm a pirate! I make a living stealing things, like your likes, subscriptions, or even your hearts~
 
<She gives a wink to the camera>
 
Took some time, but I finally got my model working! Got the jiggle physics on it and everything~! I went back and forth trying to figure out how much boobage I should use, but I figure, eh, it's a model, and I've seen crazier avs out there, so let's just go nuts. Don't like it? You clicked on the wrong video, dummy! It's thirsty all the way down! I'm gonna have to redo my introduction video now that I have this. After some... news I found out recently, it might not be a good idea to have my real face public. That's right, I am a crime, but I'm still doing this, because I need to tell someone these stories or I'm gonna go mad. Also I need to be able to talk to someone other than my crew every once in a while. They're all good people, but being cooped up in a small ship for weeks on end will try anyone's patience.
 
So! Re-introduction time! My name is Rumblebee, and I'm a pirate! I travel the seas, stealing treasure and being as much of a nuisance as I can to the authorities. I'm gonna be using this channel to tell people about my travels, what we find, and what scary government secrets we encounter. Along with me are my crewmates, which, I haven't gotten names for yet, so for now they'll just be Captain, The Rock, Doc, and... Hm. I never did give a title to our last crewmember last time, did I? Kind of rude of me. We'll call them... The Bosun. I'll have them make better names for themselves. I even have their models ready! To test them out, I recorded us doing some morning workouts the other day and threw this together:
 
<The video cuts to a wide shot of five anthropomorphic figures performing some strange hypnotic dance with varying degrees of enthusiasm inside the deck of the ship. Rumblebee is at the front, and behind her is a bird with an afro with a non-anthro parrot on their shoulder, a rather muscular red panda, a dolphin with shark teeth, and a small dragon, all of which dressed in varying types of pirate garb. The dolphin in particular has a very large and fancy hat, indicating them as the captain. The video goes through several cuts, from sweeping wide shots to closeups of each individual member. This lasts about half a minute before cutting back to the deck.>
 
The plan for now is to bring them on one at a time so I can interview them for you while we play games. For now, though: I've got the tea on some Adamantine Authority secrets, and one hell of a story. So I'm gonna load up some Space Minecraft and give you all the fun stuff they don't want you to hear.
 
<The screen with Rumblebee gets shrunken down and shoved into the corner, while the rest of the screen is replaced by Space Minecraft.>
 
So! After we stole the job of an RPG hero and murdered a god, Captain got a call from an old friend to come meet him on some sleazy red-light planet. Not gonna say the name, but if you know, you know. So we go there and end up blowing most of our payment on a Space Roku for entertainment and a VPN so I can actually post these and not get tracked everywhere. Turns out the Captain's friend is an info broker, which is good news for us because whoops, we spent our money. We do some digging around, and in a strange turn of events Doc, of all people, makes friends with the local crime lord. Turns out they're having trouble with the Sunhold clan muscling in on their turf (and no, I'm not worried about namedropping them because they're super rich and are therefore assholes). They're selling magic contraband on the street, and our new friends don't want that. So, we do some detectiving. We find that there's an entire warehouse of magic stuff just sitting there, and not only is it guarded by the Sunholds, but also the Authority! Now why, you might ask, are they working together to sell contraband magic items in the streets? You'd think that the oh-so-high-and-mighty Aether Council would look down on just immoral and criminal behavior, but apparently not. Heck, it wasn't even that hard to get an audience with them to buy stuff! You just need to say a code to a dude and they'll set you up with some good stuff. I'm not gonna give out the password since... well, they suck and also spoilers: I don't think they're doing it anymore with that phrase.
 
Sadly, we got spotted before we could really make a move, and had to book it. We got away, but only barely. Captain and Doc aren't the most athletic of sorts. It's why I got them to do that aerobics thing you saw earlier; whip them into shape so we can be better pirates. I may be a gamer but I'm not afraid of some good gains~ <She flexes, but in doing so is attacked by zombies> Ah! Nononono! Get out of here! You! Clearly! Do! Not! Appreciate! These! Gains! Hmph. Nerds, all of them. Anyway, we go back to the crime dudes and give them the deets, and we come up with a plan: They raise hell elsewhere, and we go in and mess up the warehouse.
 
So we did that. It went real good. It was amazing. Captain found a truck and just started driving it around the warehouse and exploding Adamantine Authority dwarves all over the place, The Rock wrestled an entire goddamn power loader until it exploded, I managed to scare some Sunhold goons hard enough to get them to run- actually, fun fact: I told him to drop his farspeech stone and gun. He gave me his entire wallet. Since he was smart, I ended up destroying his credit cards so he didn't have to lose too much more money. Should I destroy his ID, too? I dunno what to do with this. Leave suggestions in the comments.
 
But anyway, we start wiping the floor with these nerds until the last Authority goon steps to the Captain. The Captain decides to make a statement by blowing himself up with a Fireball while his face was three inches from the dude. Just. right there. Boom. There was zero reason to do that; we already had the advantage, but it happened. It looked cool as heck, though, so that's what matters. We blew up the Authority, we steal a crate of magic items for ourselves, we burn down the warehouse, and leave before more Authority goons arrive to protect their illegal magic item stash.
 
So yeah, that's been my week! Another successful crime. I should feel bad that this is the path I've ended up on. After all, they always say that crime doesn't pay. But, uh... it does, so far. And, something I've noticed... All the people we meet, all the people we deal with... There are good people on the "wrong" side of the law. Good people, just trying to live their life and do what they can to survive, but because it goes against the Council's interest, they're the ones that get labeled as "bad". It's kind of sad. ...Well, not just 'kind of'. It really makes me angry. All the stuff the Council says about protecting and serving, they're only really protecting and serving those who can give them money, or preach their values. Everyone else is just walked over until they either fall in line, or they get brave enough to protest, then get branded a criminal. Something to think about, you know? Think about it next time you see one of those propaganda ads.