15th of Dying Light, 9047

There will be no end to my foolishness, it appears! I'm writing this entry half-drunk to forget the mistakes of this night but I certainly don't get to live this one down. Where to begin? Yakini is gone. I started to feel like I might want to know her, but I'd rather her continue her studies... Somehow managed to behead a corpse in a rage fueled by every frustration in my head. I don't know what came over me. He killed himself and I lost it. What a hypocrite I am. I joined up on this journey looking for a quick end and this is what drives me over the edge?? How is it that I'm allowed to disrespect my life but seeing some one else throw it away pushes me past my limits?! Oh, and of course I spilled the beans on being some half-baked zombie a few days ago. What a joke.
The worst of all, I tried to save so many lives. I failed to convince people at the party that there were explosive charges, despite my best efforts. Then I tried to stay some hot-headed Orc's hand when he was going to summarily execute a prisoner we were learning information from. But the icing on the cake? I made a snap judgment to run to the aid of a woman we were trying to protect and heal her neck wound without a second thought. I was worried she would bleed out, but somehow even that was the wrong idea! Now one of our contacts won't speak to us and I may have just sealed her lover's fate with some sort of rare poison. At least this way I'll get fired. Surely then I can find a more brutal job to run headlong into that'll finish me off. Oh, and that Orc I saved and stopped from murdering our prisoner? He's some sort of Admiral and he threatened me. And my stupid drunk ass just sat there and sarcastically flirted with him to piss him off. Ugh. Fuck this.