The Deal was Done

With the bitter-sting of black coffee still lingering on my tongue, I reach for the handle and pulled. Instantly, I reflexed and covered my eyes as a wave of light burst through my narrowly cracked open door. Whew, it’s way too early for the morning sun to be shining this bright. I only just woke up and it’s already making me envious of its energy. As I rescinded from the morning’s rambunctious introduction, my ears were met with shrill whistle, and the sun’s warm shine was quickly countered by a gentle breeze. The wind carried with it the scent of crisp leaves, burnt wood, and a harsh reminder of a cold n’ cruel winter coming. Eh heh… Perhaps in hindsight living at the base of a hill wasn’t the brightest of ideas…   The timid gust was bold enough to make all the hairs on the back of my neck stand right up but was too meek to swipe the deed outta my hands, though it made a pass at it. Seemed that mother nature found it necessary to send me a polite wake-up call to snap me out of my half-asleep daze. I’d’ve appreciated more it if didn’t momentarily blind me n’ attempt to rob me. Don’t think there’d’ve been any upstandin’ enough folks around here that wouldn’t pocket the deed. Even with the name “Sprick Grimmer" written on it, though at this point I’d really love to… Although, it is the festival today, so I’d like to think I’d be proven wrong.   Once my eyes finally readjusted to the daylight, much to my surprise, Eronia’s brick boulevard was already bustling with all matter of people. From the over-celebratory drunken dwarves trying to keep their balance whilst stumbling down the road’s slope to those hoity-toity rich humans that’re downed in their finest garb n’ outta breath from fighting their way back up the hill. Looks like the day’s already getting started and going, with or without me. Always thought myself as one of the more earlier folk to rise, but looks like Mythrite even wants to contest that… But there’s no time like the present! And if I don’t move now, I’d wager on this town seeing both me n’ my dreams trampled.   I clenched the deed in my hand, and made my way to the market. I began hustling past the likes of all kinds’a folks amidst the festival’s merriment. It’s rather heartwarming after my past unkind two weeks. Halfway through the Stamp Mill, I had to stop myself in my tracks at the sight of a towering n’ battle-scared orc, a high and mighty full-blooded elf, and a scruffy and tough dwarven miner standing next to each other. Each with drinks in hand. All celebrating in what they’ve accomplished. Really makes me feel like that maybe, just maybe, that the town isn’t as bad as others made it out to be. I truly wish to believe that… But in the back of my mind, the echoing sound of my locked doorknob rattling through the dark is screaming on the contrary. I’ve awoken far too many times in the dead of night to it to think otherwise, even while trying to keep that memory suppressed.   After I danced and weaved my way through the crowds in Charlamaine Hill, passed through an empty Services Corridor, and found myself in the thankfully desolate market, much to my relief. After all, it is a festival today… But even knowing that, I was bracing myself for the shock of seeing far-too dedicated guildsmen or workaholic merchants devotedly working through the holiday. Don’t know if my wavering confidence could’ve handled that blow…   Around noon-ish I reached my destination. My client’s nowhere to be seen… great. As excited as I am to finally be getting my own storefront, I couldn’t help but think of Pa… Didn’t feel right naming the place “the Eagle’s Eye” after I ran his old store into the ground… But “The Owl’s Eye” is the next best thing. Still feels like a proper homage to Pa, at the very least. I know he can at least rest easy knowin’ I finally got a store of my very own! But the sinking desire of wishing he were alive to see it overwhelmed my own self-assurance… Just as my head started to fill with doom n’ gloom, I was snapped out of my daze by the short approaching dwarven figure of the storefront’s ex-owner, attempting to not stumble over his own footsteps.   “Ah! Richter! There you are!” It was obvious to him that I couldn’t contain my excitement as I bent down n’ shoved the deed into his hands. “I’ve the deed signed by the Guild’s Services, right and ready to go!”   “Hold on kid… Give a man a secon’ t’ah read the damned t’ing…” It was more that the ex-ale shop-keep had already had his fill of some of the festival’s ‘merriment’. After a moment of silence, he spat “Awright d’en kid… Looks good enough t’ah me. All yers.” He tossed the store’s key to me carelessly. “Don’t matter t’ah me what ‘appens t’ah you or me bloody store no more! I’m outta this ‘ell!” He then turned around to take his leave. “Good luck on the winter not killin’ yah!” Not another word was spoken.   The deal was done. After nearing a decade… I was finally a right and proper merchant again with my own store and everything. But with a deal as simple as that… They say good things don’t come easy, and with how easy everything in Mythrite’s been up ‘til now, I’m starting to get cold feet… And it’s not from the ever-approaching winter…   But at least for today, it’s a festival. There’s plenty of folk around celebrating ‘n probably willing to talk to a complete stranger… I doubt I’ll be able to make any sales today too… And the most important thing for a store is a loyal cliental after all. So, at the very least, I can celebrate this victory.

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Sep 28, 2020 23:37

This is pretty good, the way you started it going right into the description of the environment and Sprick's thoughts was a good alternative to just setting the scene a more conventional way, being in the first person helps that, as it negates the need for a third-person narrator describing the scene itself and instead just allows for an immediate view into the main character. In addition, the way you describe stuff like "The timid gust was bold enough to make all the hairs on the back of my neck stand right up but was too meek to swipe the deed outta my hands, though it made a pass at it." and " a towering n’ battle-scarred orc, a high and mighty full-blooded elf, and a scruffy and tough dwarven miner standing next to each other." really offer a vibrant image to the reader, as well as keeping with the type of language that would be used in this kind of world. Writing this in the first person was a really good choice, and you did well with displaying Sprick's personality while he ponders on his background. It's the perfect storm for an introduction to this character. I also liked how you wrote the dialogue for the dwarf, it's clear you really tried to make it as accurate as possible to the lore of this universe.   If I could make one suggestion, it would be to introduce his name in a better way. I wasn't sure who this vignette was about, even after getting to the part where he says the name is on the deed. It's not a huge thing, but it's just to make it less vague who we're seeing here.