The Greshorio Murders
Today, our city lost two of its dearest friends and protectors. Their families are left without a husband, a father, and a grandfather. In the name of my house, I, Tinva Glen Vertos, swear that I shall not let the people who took them from us get away with it.Thirty-one years ago, the Greshorio Family almost went extinct after the current and previous heads of the family were murdered during an expedition. This is the story gathered by the inspectors after questioning the few survivors...
Wanting for more
217, Irisport. Despite his efforts, Lion Glen Greshorio cannot find a way to regain the influence his family had generations ago. Still, what he managed to build was already considered enormous by many, but not by himself. What he wanted was not the best place in the council, it was uncontested supremacy over his peers. This unextinguishable thirst for recognition and power was transmitted to his son Rensar, and together, they came up with a plan. If the Greshorio family lost its glory after their gold mine went dry, then they just needed to open another one. If the whole Eastern Desert did not have gold anymore, then they would go north, further than anyone ever went, in the Sun mountains.What a sweet boy he was... poor soul. He had no idea what was coming, just like any of us. He wrote his prayer himself, they said. It was so cute, and now so heartbreaking knowing what happened.
Tiresome, Warm Day
All the testimonies were relatively the same and coherent with each other until the convoy entered the mountains during the 5th day of travel. The trip went relatively well, with a few cases of sand sharks attacking now and then. A few hours after they left the roads and ventured into the wilderness, the group was attacked for the first time. Nothing insurmountable: a small handful of outlaws shooting arrows, aiming at the Dlintiarnas to kill as many mounts as possible. Only one beast died, and the bandits retreated when a detachment charged them. Yet, the further they went into the mountains, the more frequent the attacks became. This would have been no problem for the soldiers had the climate not been that harsh. The temperatures were definitely higher than the average for the season, tiring soldiers and beasts alike. After a restless day of climbing their way north, the group managed to capture a few bandits and planned to interrogate them as they settled a camp for the night. Right around dinnertime, when the guards were the fewer, the outlaws attacked again: in small but deadly waves to always keep the mercenaries wary and tense. Around the same time, one of the bandits ended up talking under torture.E-Even if we don't get you, you'll all be dead if y'all keep going north. No one ever comes back from there, no one!With that information in hand, Lion and the leader of the mercenaries decided to try their luck and go north, hoping that the bandits wouldn't follow them. According to the cries of terror that the bandit emitted when they let him know that he was going north with them, they assumed he was telling the truth. Next is where things got blurry for inspectors, as testimonies started contradicting each other.
Sleepless, crimson night
Silence. The bandits abandoned the fight as the Greshorio troops went deeper north. Finally, they could settle a good camp and find some rest. Or so they thought. The last piece of coherent information is the following: Serjo Bintins was on duty around the campfire, watching the soldiers who were on the outside of the camp in case of a surprise attack. He saw one of them looking concerned as if he was trying to make his gaze pierce through the dark to see something. Then, nothing. The man disappeared, Serjo yelled, and chaos began. From this point, investigators had to reassemble the story from whatever pieces they could get.It was hell, trying to put that story back together. Some described ten men, some a hundred. One time it was gérouns, the next time it was humans. They all went nuts.Lion Greshorio was losing a lot of blood and passed away as they reached the bottom of the mountains. Quickly afterward, Rensar started having nausea and trouble seeing. He lasted a few more hours before he also had to be put behind someone on a mount. The riders kept going straight to the city of Estuana, halfway to Irisport, where they requisitioned a cart and changed mounts. Everything was gladly provided by the locals when they saw the two Greshorios. The next day, they made it to Irisport. The whole trip took three days. Rensar Glen Greshorio followed his father in death two days after his arrival at Irisport, without being able to say anything to the inspectors. However, he managed to draw something on his way back, when he still had enough sanity.
In the end, his father ended up suffocating to death. The poison would not let him breathe anymore, and the alchemist tried every remedy they could, in vain.
HELLOOO critique time! "This article is better read on PC." id center that, idk, maybe im just weird but it seems out of place to me personally. "after er the current and previous heads of the family were murdered during an expedition." Found a little typo their. Seems like the er in after doubled up. " uncontested supremacy among his pairs." did you mean peers by chance? "One could easily see how Lion won back the..." Maybe add the author on this quote, as the others have authors but this does not. 0.0 How.... how? how on earth is the hover switch css socery done?! i nearly shot soda out of my nose as my mouse drifted over and boom, mind blown. "First piece of evidence: Letter found on one of the bandits." Also i really like that you label the evidence you put on display here. its a pretty nice touch that grounds the case. "I said enough, right..? Please don't make me remember anymore, I just-- I can't. Please..." this quote and the one after done have an author, buttttt it is implied. so not a huge thing. "wore masks and were undoubtedly highly trained to do what they did. According to the large variety of injuries on the survivors, it is safe to assume that they are both excellent at using weapons or fighting barehanded." its a minor thing but i noticed that you mention how talended they are twice back to back. they are highly trained to do what they do, then you go and define how good they are at specific things that they do. again its not repetitive but thought id point it out just in case others do. "They never heard of anything concerning the investigation again." Thats a little suspicious. >.> So i loved it! lots of awesome entries and your's is among them! im not as familiar with your world as id like to be, but i didn't feel lost or unaware at all in this read. Its well contained and has some wonderful detail with thought out information. I also loved the artwork, particularly the header, crests, and the hover me evidence pieces. It really blew my mind. The quotes are very well written as well. i can easily see people talking this way and saying these things. Excellent work, as always!
Hey, just went through all your feedback and applied a few changes, thanks a lot. :)