The Desperate Leech

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I.. Well haven’t wanted to. But I guess Lian was right, it’s good for your brain, helps you remember, makes you better, blah blah blah. So.. when we were waiting for our contact, after everybody else got into this fight I went to help .. kinda. But I started getting one of those really bad headaches (thought those were over), and then.. then I was kidnapped. Which, firstly, the word in itself just makes me feel so stupid. The whole thing makes me feel so stupid. Why me?
 
Oh yeah- he told me why me. He told me that I wasn’t as strong as the others, that I was desperate. That I was a leech. He knew about Rhea and Lian and said that somebody is always protecting me because I don’t have any power.
 
And I couldn’t argue with any of it.
 
I wasn't even the reason he did it. I was just bait. He really wanted Celrin (who is royalty by the way- it's never who you'd expect it to be), said she was his project. And that I was “interesting” but “probably already someone else’s project” . Maybe he meant Jhin? What do you think he meant?
 
Everybody came to rescue me though, which, I wasn't sure they'd do. Ele even almost lost her arm! She could have died. I even told Celrin to just leave, it doesn't matter. But they fought for me instead, or her. Us, I guess. They fought Ele's sister, who seemed to be a hired thug for this guy. M̶a̶r̶i̶u̶s̶.̶ Never mind. I don't want his name to taint this journal. I did think my leg was going to fall off at one point. She just, tore into it. Ele saved it though. .. Then it looked like she was almost going to kill her own sister for doing it. But we're all alive, somehow. They all saved my life. Actually, I got myself out I suppose, but I wouldn't have been able to without them. But we had to leave really quickly after the building caught fire. T̶h̶a̶n̶k̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶G̶o̶d̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶c̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶. When they were helping me out I watched him, just standing there. I'm hopeful the fire got him, but not stupid enough to believe it. And when we got outside there were guards everywhere. But this smoke...thing went off and gave us enough cover to run. .. So I did what Rhea always told me- I ran.
 
Me & Rainer ran at least, the others stayed. I knew Noppa would, and I knew he'd be able to talk himself out of it. I knew Celrin would be fine. But I really thought Ele would run too. I really did. I guess that's where we differ though, because she stayed. And I think I'm going to have to live with the consequences of that action for a while
 
Rainer said we should hide back out back in the Under-City...and once we got here he promptly told me this was all my fault.
 
And I couldn't argue with that either.
 
We're going to go the castle tomorrow to....I don't know. I know trying to break them out would be stupid but .. I don't know, we have to do something. I wish somebody would just tell me what to do. I don't know what to do.
 
-w.