On the Road #3

I think I have once again found solace in journaling much like I did long ago as a boy, I wonder if my journals still rest around my desk.. does my desk still remain? What parts of me have been erased from Orthae Malla Talthalra.. is there any trace of me left there? I find myself thinking more about Crinti Illhan more now in the past few weeks than I have in my entire 7 years on the surface. I do not know why. It is not my home anymore. I’m not sure if it ever was.
 
We arrived in the Goliath commune earlier today, Anastasia told his mother about his past in the war, the people he killed, the things he did. I felt strange listening in even though I had heard this before from Anastasia himself. It felt like a last confession—a vulnerable moment with his mother that I wasn’t supposed to be there for. I don’t think I have ever been that vulnerable to anyone— not to Legacy, Anastasia, or even Luthien father. I have always omitted things, or twisted the story. I wonder what it feels like— I wonder if I should tell someone about that night on the Bakers’ farm. Would it help me fully assimilate? Lesaoloth would never ever tell someone something that could be held against him like that. I’m not sure.. but his mother listened without malice—Would father do the same for me? If I told him what i’ve done here on the surface? What i’m trying to do? [Some words are completely marked out and unreadable] We’re leaving for Last Stone, Anastasia plans to ask his uncle Kaz to come with us—being in Swordia again will be nice.. I look forward to it I think.
 
I miss Legacy.