On the Road #4

Arriving in Last Stone has brought me many pleasures—more than I’d generally admit being around Swordians again…strangely makes me calm. Anastasias uncles odd bird came to fetch us when we arrived—I had never seen an albino raven before. Nonetheless we came to Ana’s siblings home which is rather large for just two people. His siblings Ivan and Ivana are quite the characters and Ivana offered me a drink which I’d gladly taken except for the fact it was quite literally the worst thing I have ever put to my lips and I’ve drank awful stuff—Ana spoke to his family Kaz the girl Opal we had met her before apparently he’s entwined with that prissy Silverstag bastard we met back at Hollow Oak home. His sister keeps looking at me oddly while Ana shows off his psionics I assume they’re speaking in each others head if Ivanas out-loud comments have anything to say--Ah yes we’re going to go get some proper liquor--green grass whiskey! I shall return--
 
I have the most amazing news! Not only have we collected proper liquor enough to sate a small army—While walking with Ivan She likes us—who has shown obvious interest in Cicero I have discovered there are signs Father is alive and in Swordia! This brings me the most comforting joy while not explicitly confirmed to be him—the person has raided a small gnome village by the bakers which specializes in prosthesis—who else could it be?!
 
I will see him soon I’m sure of it I have eagerly awaited this moment my chest aches at the idea. I cannot wait to see him again! I will show him in all the ways I’ve improved..er well I don’t think he’d like me Cicero very much—and I have lost a considerable amount of my academic abilities over the past years. I hope his dissatisfaction or disappointment in me won’t be too severe I honestly don’t think I could take it I fear this the most. What if my actions cause him to regret assisting me to the surface? [An ink blot of consideration] I am his prodigy there is no way I could disappoint him that grievously. He will forgive me considering the present circumstances.
 
After returning to the Aleeva’s home Anastasia had gone upstairs with their brother while Ivan spoke to me. Confirming my suspicions she obviously quite fancies me—however she is more attracted to my intellect than anything else it seems.. talking to her is startlingly refreshing especially when discussing literature. Although, I am not a fool, I didn’t miss the comments about her favor towards scrawny “little” men. She boldly flirts with me. I am not sure how to feel about the situation of course the usual sinking feelings of dread prickle at my neck just like any other conversation of this nature— but.. [Another larger ink blot dots the page seemingly from a considerably long pause] I am unsure it doesn’t seem entirely from lust although like I said before, I may be losing my edge. During her mild- what I could only assume was an examination of my person she did not just flirt with me we discussed writing, academia, and she gave me interesting insights regarding “clans.” She believes father is wrong for doing what he did to those gnomes— I couldn’t make her understand without potentially raising suspicion towards myself. The discussion wasn’t entirely a disaster though she mentioned how I could choose my own family. I find myself quite fond of the idea. I wonder if Anastasia and Legacy would like to be a part of my family. Sometimes, I wish I would think before writing such nonsense.
 
During our conversation she invited me on a walk— I assumed originally to initiate sex..though I was abnormally mistaken—though leaving my guns behind felt almost physically painful she held my hand as we walked. I assume this is some sort of romantic gesture- it was ..mm odd as she is much taller than me, but it wasn’t terrible I’ll admit. We went to a river and caught- frogs—I somehow lost, but I am not bitter over it. It was enjoyable—fun even. I even agreed to look over some of her writing later I haven’t done that in years--! I believe she interpreted my lack of eye contact as me ogling her chest which I quickly corrected but perhaps I should find another way to avoid looking up at people.. I wouldn’t want the miscommunication to cause issues later. I walked her She walked me back to their home after our excursion and she confided in me she usually is too overeager and breaks her boyfriends. I dared not ask what she meant. Even so I am hesitant to entertain her advances—she is Anastasia’s sister, and he is my our friend. I wouldn’t want my broken responses surrounding intimacy to cause upset in her and in turn Anastasia. I will think about it I suppose.
 
After a respectful amount of time, I snuck back out I left and went into town to find the library I had heard about earlier in the day. Asking around while trying to contain my improper excitement was almost impossible—a Swordian farmhand shouldn’t be near shaking from the idea of a library. I found it soon after and it was gorgeous despite being much smaller than my own. It still stood there magnificently its wonderful secrets encased within its three stories-- The guard outside was rather annoying but I couldn’t find it within myself to care. I had to be supervised my entire visit and the moon elves once upon finding out I am in fact not one of their own began to avoid me. Usually this would greatly irritate me, but I was too happy to allow them to ruin this. Being back in a library brought me a welcomed sense of ease I have ached for during my time on the surface. I read for hours and when it began to get dark, I used my dancing lights to illuminate the books just like I used to. Despite Swordian literature lacking more educational aspects and having more fantastical recalling of people and events it was my happiest moment on the surface. I do not think I have smiled this much in a very long time—it was very hard to contain it and my giddy laughter. Being happy feels good. I would like to be happy more often, I think… Though on my return to the house I was caught by Anastasia and found myself struggling to keep my act straight Cicero present.
On the other hand, maybe this over-excitedness is damaging to our successful assimilation. I don’t want to ruin my progress—I want to be normal.
 
I’m going to edit these stories for Ivan and go to bed. I have decided I will tell Anastasia about the Bakers tomorrow.
 
I wish Legacy could’ve gone to the library with me. I miss Luthien, he would’ve liked the library as well. I will do better at controlling myself Lesaoloth tomorrow.
 
Goodnight