On the Road #6

We’ve made it here. My Cicero’s image in Eastrin has been muddled by these filthy fucking topsiders. I have worked tirelessly for this image only for it to be damaged by some masquerading fools. Killing people in the slums in my name? I don’t even have time to repair the damage done by these ingrates—The falconeers won’t even send my letter to mother… either way I plan to visit a wizard named The Godhead they have a monopoly on scrying. I fear father may not be telling me everything. Anastasia continues to hire for their crusade. I am not sure how I feel anymore.
 
The past couple of weeks have been nothing but a nightmare. My body was broken almost beyond repair. Gods Gods Gods.Its always Gods. Why am I always in the middle of these awful situations.
Why.
Why?
Anathema—Anathema?
Why? I don’t understand. Why does it seem like my biggest crime was being born? I have been continuously used and beaten like an animal. My body was finally feeling like mine again. Like—Cicero’s and they have ripped this away from me again. It was mine. Mine. Now it’s not again. My memories aren’t even mine—father has been muddling around in there. I did this for him—for him. I never said anything before so mother wouldn’t punish him! Almacia…she said he must’ve known—and what does he do? He calls me creature to those fucking duegar he’s with. How dare he?! I had to have a child Anastasia assist me. I am completely helpless again. All for him. For a lie it seems. Everything hurts. I can’t think clearly—I cannot walk and i’m being doted on by a 20 year old. This is awful. My gun hangs heavy on my side. I won’t fall to my impulses. I did not escape just to blow my brains out here on the surface.. like some coward.
 
I am tired of being referred to as drow or as if i’m some servant. I am finding it harder and harder to control myself. I cannot let my anger get the best of me. I need to accompany Anastasia not hinder them. I hope the dog I bought will allow me to become calmer during this journey— Seeing my insides may explode if I turn to my alcohol perhaps.. a puppy is a better stress reliever. But It isn’t all terrible I have wanted a dog since my arrival here on the surface—there was one at the Bakers… I cant remember its name. I had a rock spider as a boy—I wonder if it’s still alive? I’m not sure.. I’ve named it the puppy I mean— Voiry..she is cute and curious. I would like to teach her to hunt when we get home. My body is mostly healed except one of my ankles—this filthy noble won’t even let me into his stupid town without being in chains. I hope he chokes on his spit in his sleep.
 
The shadow showed me the way beneath its watchful eyes. Scion was a crinti? What does this have to do with me. We did not get caught.
 
I dream in their shoes. They targeted the moon worshipers what does this mean?
 
I am not Morwen’s mistake nor Luthien’s pawn. I am Cicero Liao, a name I picked out of a story book. I am a Warden of the Black Path, a friend, a hero. I am not Leon Bakers drow boy farmhand. I hate the rain. I am Cicero Liao, I am helping complete a crusade against Castigar.
 
Every time I close my eyes— I can see my body being sliced open.
 
What does Scion, and this forbidden god have to do with me?
 
I am in unimaginable pain.