A New Quest and Prayer

My number one priority is my sister's safe return, swiftly followed by my Uncle's. I'm not certain if Moreska's letter to Evgenii was genuine, but I find it hard to believe that he would so carelessly endanger his niece, and that there were Black dog mercenaries and Red Wizards that just happened to be waiting in the forest for her. My first stop is in Red Wyne to find out if they brought Evgenii there, to fully ensure my marching into their trap, and if after dealing with the threats there and there are no signs of her my next stop is the Red Star City, on Hanrar. Castigar has somehow, likely much to his own dismay, found the one way to make himself my 3rd or 4th priority. He spoke of "ensuring" I don't get too close since his final plans have been moved into motion, I'm working on the assumption that this plan will result in immortality of some kind. Obviously, I have an interest in ensuring Castigar does not obtain immortality, obviously, but I find myself unable to emotionally or rationally justify my sister's life to stop him. I acknowledge that perhaps I am being selfish by giving up such a great advantage in order to save my sister, that advantage being my single-mindedness, my sole obsession was a north star that guided me through any storm, but just like the waves that thrash boats across the oceans, I am now the storm that will sink Castigar's vessel, not with overwhelming brute force and violence, but rather as a single strike of lightning from the clear sky into his powder room.
I was in the process of coming to terms with my death until I discovered Evgenii had been captured. Now I know with absolute certainty that Kavaki will not let me fail, my quest is righteous, and the fiends before me are but shrubs in the way of my prize. I ride baring the mark of my LORD on my chest with pride and knowing that it provides me supreme protection. Blades may cut me, arrows pierce me, and flames burn me, but I know that none will find a killing blow as long as Kavaki guides my movements. He represents freedom and care for your neighbor and my quest makes me the barer of both. There is no longer a cold and calculating viper wrapped around my heart, but that has been burned away by an infernal engine of passion and righteousness. Evgenii will not only be collected and brought back safely but she will be avenged, and those who have harmed her will have the suffering they've caused done to them tenfold.
Dabici likely has a vested interest in my success as well, although you can never be certain with a god of nature, especially one so chaotic and unknown. I will perhaps ask them for guidance or if they favor my quest, but I will not pray, that privilege is reserved for the Ram Lord and his friends.
My people, all of my peoples, are ones that are constantly on defense, Drow, Androgynous, Giant-kin, Orcish, physically unsightly, and Psions, all peoples constantly under attack and on the defensive within Nomidian culture. I'm a freed slave, both my fathers were freed slaves, and now I work to free other slaves, I have lived a hard 22 years, born into a form of slavery that made even my father's stories sound tame, and a poverty that makes the most destitute villagers of Hollow Oak look wealthy. I've been finding it harder and harder to relate to my fellow Wardens for this explicit purpose, I can tell Legacy has a troubled past, Kavaki knows they didn't have an easy life, but their peoples are not on the verge of extinction at all times, they don't need to have discipline because they've never needed it. Legacy is only under threat from the publics because of their status as a wizard, an identity that is purely a choice. Legacy also seems to have a reckless disregard for the people around them, a trait likely obtained both from their status as a wizard, and that they've never known what its like to be hunted and feared merely for existing. I was reading a rather niche academic from Eastrin's works, they put forth the idea that my worldview on wizards is no better than other's worldviews on drow or androgynous individuals, but I would retort that being a wizard is a choice, not only is it a choice it is a choice to wield a weapon, because that is what arcane magic is, it is not used to heal the meek, or protect the vulnerable, it is used to kill, maim, torture, and destroy.
Cicero and I are keenly aware that everyone around us is constantly seeking an excuse to kill or imprison us, and most of this is driven by fear. Even those who are not outright hostile towards us are fearful, for good reason, I cannot blame them for their fear even I and cautious of other drow, but this still puts a great burden on the shoulders of me, Cicero, and Leiac. Even Cicero who went through many of the same struggles I did, was taught how to read, had a father who could protect them even if only slightly, and a room to sleep in, but the 12 years I was in the Underdark conditioned me to be cautious of everyone, even my friends, and how to know which rats are the tastiest. I'm mostly self-taught in my academics and I'm envious of Cicero for being able to read so much when they were younger, had I been born to their family I likely would've become a scholar upon coming to the surface, instead of a wild animal backed against a wall.
But this is all a footnote to my conclusion. Kavaki and Ulthak have shown me that all members of my tribe are to be respected and fought for. That the people of Billow have their own struggles, and although they may not all be as great as being enslaved, or being born to drow society, they are people who are suffering, and alleviating that suffering is a duty of the those who can. I will respect Legacy's drive to find out about their past, and I do genuinely believe they mean well, even if their plans involve killing me because of my race, but I cannot allow them, or any other wizard under my influence, to roam freely, they are simply too dangerous to not be kept under control.
 
For the better of the tribe,
Anastasia Alleeva