On the Road to Rafulkarn

25th of Solae, 1485
 
We set out on the backs of the rochallar that Hatholdir provided. I am not familiar with the beasts, so I thought it best to ride with someone. I was going to ride behind Grimaldus, but Dekar offered me a seat on his mount, and it made me pause, wondering why he would ask such a thing instead of taking Inira with him. I soon learned though, as he made it very obvious that he wanted to talk… I suppose I am not used to Dekar being the talkative sort, as my only serious discussions with him have always been of my own prompting.
 
As we rode, the weather turned for the worse, with black mist forming swirls, that phenomenon known as the black wind. Dekar asked me how I am holding up.
 
I tried to avoid the topic, because frankly, I was in no mood to discuss it… I’ve been trying, and failing, to put it from my mind as we approach Rafulkarn. But, Dekar persisted. “I know how you feel about the undead, and this place, so I just wanted to see how you’re holding up. I don’t think many of the others know, or care perhaps, but I wanted to check up on you.”
 
I thanked him and said that I’m here, and not dead, so I suppose I’m doing fine.
Then he asked if I’ve spoken with Ravlor lately… I don’t know where he was going with it, but of course I’ve been in occasional contact with Ravlor… at least enough to keep tabs on him and make sure he hasn’t gotten himself captured again or something. Not even to mention that we are currently about to assault an undead city.
 
I told Dekar about Doodles nearly being taken by a bull shark, but that he was fine. He laughed at that, probably picturing it the same way I had when Ravlor told me.
 
Seeing as Dekar seemed to be in a talkative mood, I decided to ask him a question of my own… one that has been burning in my mind ever since our disagreement outside the axiomyte’s tower…
 
“What is your plan? With the sword, with all of this?” I motioned towards our surroundings, at the city in the distance that holds one of the grotesque artifacts he seeks.
When he didn’t have a straight answer for me, I continued, asking: “You do realize that you’re following Shard’s path, right?”
 
Dekar nodded. “It did occur to me recently, that’s why I’m going to turn down Inira’s offer to turn me… I don’t want to follow that path.”
 
“She loves you, you know.” I told him.
“I know. I love her too. I’m just afraid of what’s happening.”
 
“Afraid?” I asked. Since when has Dekar ever admitted to being afraid of anything?
“I don’t want to follow his path, obviously, but so far I don’t know how to get off of it.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know how to get off of it? Stop!”
“It’s not that easy at this point… I can’t just not do anything.”
“So do something different.” I insisted.
“Like what?” He laughed wryly. “Go be a peaceful farmer? Start a life?”
“Stop trying to pursue world-ending weapons.”
“I’m not trying to end the world. In fact, I’m trying to do the opposite. But it feels like those with power are not doing anything.”
“Have you ever considered that sometimes, the people who are trying to live a good life are the ones doing something?” I asked.
“What are they doing?”
“Making the world a better place. It’s the little things that make the world a better place, a little bit at a time.”
 
“Like that village that we had to slaughter because they all became infected?” Dekar asked harshly.
“Really? Really Dekar?” I asked as unbidden memories flashed in my mind. The village burning, people running around covered in the black substance that would, and for some, was already, turning them into beasts.
“What were they doing?” Dekar continued. “They were doing nothing. More importantly, why did no one come in to save them?”
“We tried!” I retorted, my voice louder, and carrying further than I was expecting. And we had tried… we did… the faces of that small family rose in my mind. The two children clinging to their mother, the woman begging me with tears in her eyes that she would do anything, if I would please save her children. The smell of their flesh as I burned them. I can still smell it now, hear the crackling of the flames that shot from my hands, incinerating them instantly. There was nothing else I could have done, that was the kindest option I had… or is that simply what I keep telling myself?
 
“We granted them a mercy. But how many gods have power and could have saved them? How many of them intervened? None of them.” Dekar’s voice rose as he spoke.
“You’re asking me about the gods?” Surely he knows by now how little I follow any gods. “Really Dekar?”
“I’m not asking you about the gods. I’m trying to make a point.” He insisted. “None of them are doing anything. Anytime people talk about the will of the gods, its always some evil deity doing something.”
“So why do you want to become one of them?” I was getting exasperated.
“I’m not trying to become one of them, I’m trying to stop them.”
“By becoming one of them?” I asked again, hoping that he would see the fallacy in his own thinking.
“If that’s what it takes. The phrase, “fight fire with fire” became a phrase that is spoken for a reason.”
 
“So… you want…” I began, but then I let my thought trail off, for I realized that, much in the fashion of men, nothing that I could say, nothing that I could do, would cause him to stray from this misbegotten path that he set himself on. Such is the stubbornness of humans, especially those who ally so closely with the dwarves. I think that some of the legendary stubbornness of dwarves must rub off on their close friends sometimes… it certainly did on Dekar.
 
After a minute of silence, Dekar spoke again, placatingly this time. “You know I have the most respect for you, and I treat you as one of my closest friends and loved ones. But even the Elves created an artifact called the Staff of Changes. Can you really begrudge me trying to do something to fix the world?” There it was… hubris and human folly. How dare he compare his own reasoning and desires to the Elves of old?
 
I chose my next words carefully. “Why do you not learn from my people’s mistakes?”
“Well, I’m doing it a different way than they did… hopefully…”
“By getting the Elf axiomyte, who can make such an artifact to do the same thing for you!” I interrupted.
“I’m not trying to reshape the world.” Dekar justified.
“Neither was Lara Durdain!” I retorted. “She was trying to save her people!”
 
The knowledge of what Lara Durdain, my ancestor, had been facing is one that I would have thought Dekar would have paid more attention to… we had all been there when Grimaldus shared his vision of the staff. But maybe Dekar hadn’t paid attention to the dire straits that were affecting that civilization… the man, Mustafat, and his supporters, killing elves and other fey, to use their blood and consume their flesh. Lara Durdain had cast a curse on the men of Kamadan, that their bodies would reflect the corruption in their hearts. The cost of such a curse was the shattering of the Staff of Changes. And Lara Durdain paid for that curse with her life – when the men of Kamadan captured her, and by all accounts, killed and consumed her too…
 
“Well, I’m trying to save more than just my people.” Dekar justified. “I don’t even have people… I’ve got the people who are here.”
“Yeah, and we are probably riding into our deaths, so I suppose all of this is probably moot.” Not that I have any real hope of him seeing reason at any point, even if we make it out of this cursed place with our lives intact.
 
He nodded. “So that’s why I ask, are you doing okay?”
I looked around. “Yeah, Dekar, I’m fine.” I could feel the lie burning as it left my tongue.
 
We rode the rest of the way in relative silence. I think neither of us were much in the mood for conversation.
 
As we drew nearer to the cursed city, skeletons and bodies were strewn about, as though they’ve gotten up over and over again, but the taint of necromancy was less here… so we decided to make camp.
 
As we settled down into our routine, Hasim approached Dekar and I and asked “If don’t mind me asking… what was that about slaughtering a village? I’m sorry, I was not trying to listen in… but you hear the words, “slaughter the village” and that tends to stand out.”
 
“So, when we were back in Latria some time ago…” Dekar began explaining.
“They were doomed.” I interrupted.
“We were dealing with a creature that could turn people into horrifying beasts.” Dekar continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “There was no known cure that we could find. As we came across this village, the survivors were crawling around in agony, covered in this mutating substance, soon to be changed. In a mercy, we killed them.”
“I see.” Hasim said. “Very brave of them, most peasants would not so willingly accept their death.”
 
“Sometimes there is no better option.” A part of me doesn’t know if I was telling that to Hasim, or to myself. I also didn’t want to dwell too much on the fact that the villagers hadn’t willingly accepted their deaths. Rather, we did not give them any choice in the matter.
 
“Oh don’t worry, I understand…” Hasim agreed. He said that his job has always been to selectively kill one person so they don’t start an uprising or civil war and cause the death of thousands. “I know that it sounds, ironic, but I have actually saved a lot of lives by killing select people.”
 
Some time later, I was sitting next to Grimaldus, Meriwald perched in his customary place on my shoulder, when I heard Secilia say something to Dekar about having overheard our conversation on the ride over. Not knowing where this conversation was going, but having my suspicions, I walked over.
 
As I approached, Secilia was asking very personal questions about Dekar’s past… as if her admitting that her goals and convictions are based out of her past is enough to expect someone to just open up and tell her everything. Dekar was nicer than I likely would have been, instead of answering, he asked her if she has ever seen war, been in a war.
 
I didn’t even want this happening within my earshot, as I already knew the answer. I interrupted the conversation. “No, Dekar. They have seen battles. None of them have ever seen war.”
 
Dekar ignored me and gave his explanation to Secilia. He told her that he grew up in war, he was raised on a battlefield. He spun his delusion about nobody is trying to fix it.
 
“Some people are, Dekar.” I reminded him wearily.
 
“I know…” he acknowledged. “I am.” There he goes again… He made some comment about thinking that some of us are trying to do something too.
 
Secilia didn’t help matters when she commended him for it. Gods, but I wish she had been able to spend more time with her Elven mother, to know that she should not be commending Dekar for his goals right now!
 
Secilia then told him that it’s good to have something driving him forward, and she feels like no one is ever trying to stop the undead curse, and people have told her that attempts have failed. She said it in a tone that left no doubt that she actually believes no one has tried, and somehow, she is the first person in this entire crumbling world who has tried to deal with the undead curse?
 
I just started laughing. “You think no one has tried to stop the undead?”
 
Secilia huffed. “I’m pretty sure people have tried, but they’ve given up, apparently. Obviously…”
 
“No, they died!” I said emphatically.
 
“If they were strong enough, they wouldn’t have died.” Secilia’s tone was superior.
 
“What?” I snapped. How DARE she? All of them, all of the people who fought and died trying to stop the tides of undead from rolling across the continent… faces of Elves, dwarves and men flashed in my mind’s eye. My friends falling all around me, giving their lives to try to stop the undead. Gerard’s entire order, slain holding back the undead. Far better minds than Secilia have spent longer than she has been alive trying to learn how to break the curse. All of them dead… How dare she?
 
Secilia apologized, backtracking by saying that she overstepped her bounds. I acknowledged her apology and returned to sit next to Grimaldus, trying to let my anger fade away with each step. Now is not the time…