I am a Samurai

As Aien started heading towards the city, I was left with a conundrum: Should I follow to make sure he gets back safely, or remain at the monastery? I ended up choosing the former. I caught up to him as we walked in silence. I suppose I had thought of him as someone who would have made a good friend. Everyone else in the party seemed to preoccupied with other matters to even notice me. It may have been because he was a mystery and I have a love of solving those. Or maybe it was because I was so distant to everyone around me, and being forced to engage with these strangers- who would become my closest companions- drew me out of my shell. I honestly don't know why I had wanted to be his friend so badly, but I did, so I followed him down the mountain.
 
We were walking past a forest, when suddenly we heard a deep voice saying: "Your wish is my command." followed by a red and green dragon shooting out of the forest and soaring away, as an ominous red light began to glow within them. A voice cackled. We decided to investigate it. Aien's reasons were most likely out of curiousity, while I was worried about this potential threat. "This may be a danger to the city," I had thought, "We need to ensure that everyone stays safe."
 
So we crept into the forest, Aien turning invisble- therefore being way more stealthy than I- as we attempted to make our way towards the red light. I had not expected a goblin to be holding a glowing red lantern, babbling on about how his wish was about to come true, and thus was taken by surprise as the light flooded my vision. I looked around, but could not find Aien and assumed he was still invisible. I was able to return to my senses as I heard a voice shout: "What the %$@*! I'm a goblin?"
 
The only possible reasoning for this was that Aien had somehow swapped bodies with the maniacal goblin. I burst out in laughter, unable to control myself, before realising that if Aien was in the goblin's body, the goblin was in his- which happened to be invisible. I panicked, and not wanting the goblin to get away in my friend's body, I cast the only spell I could remember at the time that could counter his invisibility as Aien jumped on top of his former body. The radiance from the spell ended up making the goblin's new body visible to us... While simultaneously destroying the goblin body containing Aien...
 
I turned back time, able to save him from my mistake as Aien's body started to be overcome by the radiance. It grew stronger... The light was blinding. I saw the goblin body turn once again into mulch, and in a desperate attempt I turned time back again, but it was to no avail... I watched as he was turned into mulch, and Aien's glowing body ran away.
 
His dying words were: "$%!& you Sakura!"
 
I stood there, not quite knowing what to do. I knew this was my fault, and that it would be irreversible.
 
The goblin was still in his body, keeping his spirit tied to this realm. While pondering what to do, I drew my swords- Ojiisan's swords- the ones he had entrusted me with in which I would bring him- and myself- honour.
 
"Kaen."
 
My swords lit up, bright pink flames emanating from them, shedding a faint pink glow as my familiar soared into the canopy to look for Aien's former body. I didn't want the goblin to escape in it. He would never be at peace if it did. There was only one way... While lost in thought and overwhelming guilt, I was taken by surprise as the goblin was able to land a hit on my already aching and damaged body. I felt as if it may be the end for me, but something drove me onwards. I was able to lift my sword, and stabbed the flaming blade straight into his heart.
 
"Owatta."
 
It's done... His spirit is at peace.
 
I stood there, frozen, covered in blood- how much was my own I was unsure of... I had just killed. For the first time. And the one I had just killed was my friend. My ally. I felt tears trickle down my cheeks. Swiping them away, I thought to myself:
 
"This is what you've trained for your entire life, you knew you'd have to kill someday. Stop being stupid! You've prepared for this. Everyone has prepared you for this! ...but then why do I feel so guilty? Why does it hurt this much? He hated you. Why do you care so much about someone who cared so little for you? All that training and you're weak enough to be this upset by it? Where was your precious code when you needed it? It wasn't there to give you control. It let you down. Maybe you're not as strong as you thought you were.Weak. Useless. Unwanted."
 
"I'm sorry..." I whispered. I took Aien's body, dragging it towards the mulch that was once a goblin. Hesitating, I grasped his sword, and laid it on his still warm body. He looked so peaceful...
 
"Or is it because it was your fault? You lost control. You killed him. It's all your fault. You aren't deserving of your Ojiisan's swords, or the lessons he tried to teach you. You dishonour the code, you dishonour your squad, you dishonour your Ojiisan! You failed today, in every possible way. I wonder, how does that feel? Is it tearing you apart? Is the realisation finally setting in? You're not fit to be a samurai. Samurai kill, and it seems you are unable to. You're merely a child, do you even know what you're doing?"
 
"I...." I took his mask, that had fallen to the ground and placed it back onto his face. It was how he had lived, and it was how he would die.
 
"You don't even know who you are. How do you expect to make anyone proud when you're this weak? You're only a disappointment!"
 
"I thought you were stronger... I'm sorry Aien."
 
"You should have-"
 
I silenced my thoughts. Thoughts can be very dangerous things you see. When you start feeling negative emotions, your mind preys on that, and you just pull yourself deeper and deeper into that black hole that is guilt. By silencing them, I had a moment to think, void of the emotions clouding my judgement and pulling me into their shadowy grasp, knowing that if I let them continue to be heard, I'd never be able to escape them.
 
This is what it is to be a samurai. I have not broken my code. I am not undeserving. I have not failed anyone. No 'What if's or 'What could I have done differently's. What's done is done, and cannot be undone. That is where I'll leave this. I won't allow myself to become consumed by guilt or vengeance. I will continue to walk the path that was set for me, and become who I am meant to become.
 
So, who am I?
 
I am a Samurai.