Dear Diary: Today

April 9: I don't know why or how I ended up at the temple tonight. It was purely by accident. Or an act of a god. I was searching for peace and answers and found...an ending.
 
 
The night is darkening round me,
The wild winds coldly blow;
But a tyrant spell has bound me,
And I cannot, cannot go.
 
How can it be right for me to ask someone to change who they are, just to be seen with me? Why did I even ask it? Its not right. And I should have known better. Except...
he agreed. And is doing everything in his power to become more. And still, others are not accepting. It's not his fault. I'm sorry I said anything. I'm sorry that I hear the beautiful words he says and want to believe them. I'm sorry I can't follow him as he searches for his dreams. I'm sorry....I'm sorry.......
 
The giant trees are bending
Their bare boughs weighed with snow;
The storm is fast descending,
And yet I cannot go.
 
If I was stronger, I would ask my parents what happened. Why do they hate me so much. I went to the temple for answers, and I received them. How can you be willing to be parents but not love your child? Maybe if I did something so very terrible...so very unseemly...they would wash their hands of me. But then...
 
Clouds beyond clouds above me,
Wastes beyond wastes below;
But nothing drear can move me;
I will not, cannot go.
 
Then I would not be worthy of Schatzi. Without the parents who hate me, I could not have the one I love. And life isn't worth living without love. And friends. I would lose all of it and I've come so far. Surly neither Loralei or Nicodemus would not be so cruel. I'm sorry for not being a perfect Lady. I'm sorry I fell in love with you. I'm sorry....I'm sorry....