March 22nd: I can see the bluebells starting to come up in the gardens. They are breaking through the snow. Outside the walls I can hear songs and laughter. One of these days I am going to walk out with all of that. I am going to stand in the sunlight and not be afraid to be caught. I will speak to people on the streets and make friends. Go to the market all on my own. Sometimes I watch people go by and make up stories about them. Decide what I would say to them. There is a pastry shop across the courtyard. When I am ready...I am going to walk in the front door and order a dozen chocolate cakes and eat them until I am sick. Then give away the others to every person I meet. Because everyone likes cake.