Anastasia Alleeva
Anastasia Alleeva (a.k.a. The Black Dragon)
Hello, my name is Amore, or Anastasia, or Regalia, depends on who you are and what I need you for. Perhaps you're a useful tool for my purposes or a strange and disgusting little creature who thinks themselves better than the people. But I am a tool of the people, and I will be there for them to make the surgical cuts most are unwilling to make.
Physical Description
General Physical Condition
Scrawny
Body Features
Heavily scarred
Facial Features
Sharp features and a jaw and nose that has obviously been broken repeatedly and not set properly.
Identifying Characteristics
Purple eyes
Special abilities
A psion.
Mental characteristics
Gender Identity
Doesn't know for sure, doesn't particularly care.
Sexuality
Asexual but not aromantic.
Education
Not formally educated but knows how to read and write and has read expansive amounts of philosophy.
Employment
Adventurer and former AMI agent.
Accomplishments & Achievements
Killed the White Ghost
Killed Darminov
Saved Salem through Mind Palace Implacement
Failures & Embarrassments
Got arrested in Eastrin and couldn't capture the Castigar thug
Killed Ishalan civillians under the false belief it would lead to a succesful revolution
Mental Trauma
Served in the AMI as a terror cell focused on causing as much widespread cruelty and chaos among civilian populations.
Morality & Philosophy
They don't know as of right now. All they know is they believe politicians and authority figures are suppressors of the people and that slavery is the greatest evil.
Taboos
Erasing one's own memory and harming children.
Personality Characteristics
Motivation
Redeeming himself and raising the conditions of the working man.
Likes & Dislikes
Likes people who are driven and ambitious.
Dislikes the apathetic and snobbish.
Virtues & Personality perks
Righteous and driven by a burning desire to help as many common folk as possible.
Vices & Personality flaws
Their mind is in turmoil and their entire worldview changes often.
Personality Quirks
Often pushes their hair behind their ear when they are nervous.
Often puts their hands behind their back in a relaxed manner when they get a strong urge to kill someone.
Hygiene
Keeps clean.
Social
Contacts & Relations
Freya his mother
Wardens of the Black Path his adventuring team
Moreska his fellow investigator
Evgenii his sister and cleric of Dabici
Liac priest of Hollow Oak
Rhody apothecary and wizard of Hollow Oak
Almacia a drow woman hailing from the Underdark and friend
Religious Views
Very spiritual but not very religious.
Mannerisms
Doesn't stay consistent.
Hobbies & Pets
Writes poetry and reads philosophy, also enjoys crafting potions.
Speech
Talks eloquently and struggles to immitate the under-educated.
Relationships
History
The two met when Anastasia was brought in by Oskana after being found having escaped from the Underdark. While all of Anastasia's siblings were welcoming due to Freya, Evgenii was quite receptive to Anastasia even without her mother's instructions and worked on becoming fast friends with them. Over time the rough shell cracked and Anastasia and Evgenii became conjoined at the hip and taught each other much about life during their time together. However life crept in, and Evgenii found herself chosen by Dabicii, and Anastasia against the wishes of his mother and father, forged his path in the unfolding Ishalan-Amatracian war, attempting to bring freedom through twisted violence. This distanced Evgenii from Anastasia, as she disapproved of his methods. Soon the pair were re-united at their father's funeral, and then later at Eastrin. Anastasia told Evgenii of his crimes and his obsession, and Freya insisted that Anastasia come clean to their mother the next time he saw her. Evgenii then left for their home.
Nicknames & Petnames
Book-worm
History
These two Alleeva brothers are more in closeness similar to cousins than brothers. By the time Anatasia had arrived Varyana was a grown man, who was living his own life in Bittergrass, and so the two didn't really interact that much. Varyana was in support of Anatasia going off to battle in the Ishalan-Amatracian War, seeing it as a good way to combat slavery in Ishal. As the war drags on he sees it more as a way for Amatrace to empower itself and wishes he would've protested to Anastasia going.
History
Axado meet Anastasia when The Warden's saved the boy from wandering the forested after Axado escaped the gnoll camp.
Wealth & Financial state
Landowner and quite a bit of coinage.
Goes by a different name to many but holds the same mind. Just trying to figure out how to do the most good in the world with his birth talents and his parent's teachings.
View Character Profile
Alignment
True Neutral
Current Status
Adventuring with The Wardens of The Black Path
Species
Ethnicity
Honorary & Occupational Titles
The Black Dragon
Age
22 years old
Date of Birth
1827th Cattlerise, 15th Day
Birthplace
The Underdark
Spouses
Siblings
Evgenii Alleeva
(Sister)
Varyana Alleeva
(Brother)
Children
Current Residence
Hollow Oak-The Frat House
Gender
Male
Eyes
Purple
Hair
Black
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Onyx/dark grey
Height
5' 4"
Weight
100 lb
Actions Betray Intentions
I've seen into countless minds. I've learned a few things over the course of my life in regard to how people think. The most valuable lesson I learned is that most people want to help. People often fail to help for a collection of reasons; what will others thing of me?, do they want my help?, what if I can't help enough or my help is wrong?, what could I possibly do?. People rarely fail to help because they simply don't want to. The world would be so much better if people simply had the will to act, don't you think? I refuse to hide away from injustice any longer, I cannot be a part of the problem for a single breath more. I finally understand what my father meant when he said "If you can help, help". Its a phrase so simple, and most people would almost certainly agree with it, but how many lived by it? The only ones I can think of are my parents and perhaps two or three others I've encountered during my lifetime.
I used to believe it to be a monumental, perhaps inhuman, task to live up to my father's legacy. Now I see that surpassing his work is well within reach, and that is because he did his duty as a parent. Will I be a good parent? Will I ever even be a parent? I think I want kids... but I'm not certain.
Slave. Slave? Slave.
I am slave to no one. The dark she-fiends cannot control me. The Nomidians cannot control me. The Amatracian government cannot control me. I answer to no one, not even the Gods. But… I call Kavaki Lord? Is this the mindset of a slave? Am I still mentally entrapped with the chains those women put me in? I called Vaygrade lord as if he has the right to command me. No one has the right to command me, for I am free of all bonds and chains, I am at my most effective when left to do as I please. I cannot call these things Lord any longer. Vaygrade believes himself to have an innate right to rule of the people of Hollow Oak, who gave him that right? Who gave him the right to call himself Lord perhaps the Gods, but the Gods know nothing of being mortal, of being free. The relation between his peasantry and himself is that of a slave and their master, the peasantry believe themselves dependent on the success of the master, because that is what the master has beaten into the slaves, but this is even worse, for the slaves do not even know they are slaves. I must shake off these binds on my mind, I cannot call anyone Lord in my heart any longer. Speak as I will, the words of subservience are not spoken from the soul. I feel a timeless being pushing at the back of my mind, calling me slave. I am no slave. I killed those who tried to Lord themselves over me, and I will kill anyone who tries it again. But this sensation, there are ancient chains wrapped around my very soul, rusted and decayed, no longer anchored to anything, yet their weight remains. It calls me slave. This being calls me its servant. Yet I know I killed all those who lorded over me. I killed this voice, and yet it still speaks. When I try to find it within my own mind it is like a void protects it. I strain and sweat, feeling my veins and arteries pounding against my skull as I try to censor this voice, then when the looming abyss is on all sides overwhelming my inhibitions, the voices of this audacious pretender all I hear, I reel myself back in. I must find the source of this voice, I must find this fool that has declared themself my lord, my master, and kill them. To wield malice against me is to antagonize liberty itself, it is to be on the side of the slaver, to be unworthy of the ground or air or water. This is all to say I dream of a world where the only loyalties one has are to their family and the ones they love.
The dogmatists who align with governments indifferent to their existence, lords who find pleasure in their suffering, and slavers who give them coin, are the blindest fools to walk this world. Legacy believes the words of anyone speaking with honey, my brother is unable to think of the consequences to those around them, the Mithril fists are moral but not righteous, that leaves Austia. Austia is interesting, they have a moral code, and are willing to act on it, but they’re currently in a state of pure self-preservation, making them act in unusual ways, making them a potential threat. They are on my side now, and even under normal circumstances I suspect we would find ourselves on the same side, but if they deem me unable to protect them, will they turncoat? I know Cicero only cares for the cause of anti-slavery as far as my health. Legacy… I don’t know if they care about anything beyond how people treat and perceive them. They may act good, and they may have good intentions, but their constant need for validation from others is the primary framing of their actions. The curse of the righteous is to be surrounded by those unwilling to make the truly difficult decisions for the betterment of others, Legacy would gladly go out in a blaze of glory for the township of Hollow Oak, but would they be so quick to do so if the people of Hollow Oak forgot their name? Their very existence? I doubt it. Austia seems to be the type to do so, maybe not as far as to die, they have a sense of self-preservation and there is no shame in that. I truly don’t know if they’re fighting to survive so fiercely because they fear death, or if they have something that will die with them and mustn’t, and it's truly none of my business, but I still find myself deeply curious. Cicero is a self-interested and unwise person, that much is clear, whether it is something innate to their core personality or a product of their upbringing I cannot say, and perhaps I’ll never know for sure. I need to protect Cicero from himself, and the world from him. It’s strange how I know it's hypocritical of me to care and protect Cicero so much, but I can’t bring myself to overcome that emotional barrier, I just hope I don’t regret it. I am a slave to myself, and perhaps that is the most oppressive master to have.
Considerations for a Waylaid Goliath
I had the pleasure of speaking to a cleric of Duufaan recently. I will refer to him as Achilles from this point onwards. He was quite powerful, even one unfamiliar with the full range of strength Clerics possess could tell that much, more importantly, however, they were wise and intelligent. I learned much from them in the brief moments we had a discussion, and he seemed to have a good heart, even if they were a bit standoffish. First, I must share what we agreed on with certainty. There is a storm brewing in Billow, and perhaps all 5 kingdoms of man, it is coming slowly, but that only means when it strikes the wounds and grievances will run painfully deep, those who have been paying attention to the temperature in the room know that it will soon reach a boiling point, those of the noble houses are already plotting how they will conduct themselves, what alliances need to be formed, and what territories they can afford to lose.
Now, we as a people have nothing to gain from this conflict. Perhaps some lords would be marginally better if they win, but the bloodshed and destruction to our communities from a scorched earth war will leave us even more battered and splintered than we already are. Even if we form strong communities, and look to our ancestors for guidance resisting the unstoppable force coming for us will be a daunting task. They will come for us in their soft mahogany wagons, with their pieces of parchment and documents declaring we go off to fight in their war, and to resist means death or to return to chains. So I will offer a few ideas to pass among each other comrades. I will offer a few suggestions and not tell you which one is the best, for I do not live with you or among your neighbors. We must have solidarity with each other as a dispersed people, but not judge the other tribes for working to the best of their ability given their conditions. One thing is clear, we must gather as many allies as possible before the time comes, spread the Gospel of Emancipation, Freedom, Solidarity, and Righteousness. Improve your conditions back home to make our communities as resilient as possible. We have the survived the attacks for the Great Enemy for 300 generations, we will stand firm before this new challenge set before us. Unfortunately, some of us will not be able to escape the levy (slavery by another name), but remember brothers and sisters, you mustn't raise your weapons to each other, it is one of the few dignities we have left.
First I will lay out a method on how to debate these decisions. First you must all come together as a community in one place, anyone of adulthood or one season away, then you must all vote for three positions. The Chief, this will be the person who enforces the decision, is the general leader and avatar of the community’s will, and the one who will ensure all decisions are made and enforced with the best interests of the tribe at heart. Then you will decide on a Shaman if one has not been chosen for you by Kavaki or one our other deities. This person is someone who can read the soil and sky of the signs from our gods and effectively share the Gods’ wills with the tribe, their official title will be Skywatcher, and their role is to offer the whole tribe spiritual guidance, and advise the Chosen Chief. The next role is the Dawnwatcher, this should be the most righteous and powerful among your numbers, they should be fair but kind, and capable of being ever-vigilant without paranoia, their role is not to enforce order among the tribe for that is a burden collectively shared among the tribe, their role is to be the first and last line of defense against outsiders or outside forces who would wish to do the tribe harm, this could mean military forces, but it could also entail propaganda and magical influences, so they cannot be all muscle with no wisdom, they will be the only one equal to the Chief, but their role is limited. The Chief should have final say on all matters regarding the internal workings of the tribe and how they respond to new challenges, the Dawnwatcher should have final say on matters regarding defense and avoidance of external dangers, that is to say both roles still submit to the will of the greater tribe, but they are the ones who decide how to best carry out that will. The Skywatcher is to advise both of these roles, and should be granted limited veto power over both of them. Then that brings us to the debates themselves. Once all the roles are chosen either the Skywatcher or the Chief will be the one who brings the ideas forward to the circle, and the Dawnwatcher is to remain silent during the debates, they are only there to ensure everyone gets a turn to speak and say their piece without fear of intimidation or ostracization. When a discussion circle is formed everyone should be allowed to debate the proposals brought forth by the designated speaker, and bring forth their own ideas through the designated speaker. There is to be no threats or attempts at intimidation within the discussion circle for that is against the sacred rules of a competition. You are all to think of this debate as a competition, and the winner is the one who brings forth the idea that is most beneficial to the tribe. During the discussions themselves everyone must respect each other’s right to speak and think, no matter how radical or outlandish an idea may seem, there is to be no prosecution or shunning for ideas spoken within the discussion circle, to do otherwise would hamper the tribe’s ability to make informed decisions out of fear of severe punishment. Then once all options have been thoroughly discussed you are all to vote and decide what option is best for the tribe overall, then once a majority has chosen the decision you are to have unity in action, all naysayers are to make a good-faith attempt to uphold the decision and keep their dissent to themselves until the next discussion circle. I recommend holding regular discussion circles, how regular is entirely up to the means of your community. I also recommend bringing forth regular proposals to re-instate a new Chief or Dawnwatcher even if everyone is satisfied with their performance, for this assures everyone they are all on the same page and that those filling the roles are still fit. Hopefully this goes without saying, but you should also include the enlightened Nomidians apart of your communities in these discussion circles, for they are just as likely to have valuable input or information we as a people’s may not be privy to. Now to the suggestions.
The first suggestion is from Achilles himself. When we spoke, he recommended we "keep our heads down", that is to say draw as little attention to ourselves as possible, for many this is what we're already doing, only letting the enlightened Nomidians into our circles, but for many others is it not enough. Keeping our heads down leaves our backs open to the lashings we are too familiar with, never forget what they did to us. I recommend adopting this strategy only when the temperature has reached its boiling point and those who are left are forced to sit in the waters. If we keep our heads down and mind our own business that leaves us open to exploitation, not only by the Burgher and Noble classes but to the Merchant classes. But there is a significant advantage that can not be overlooked, it will keep our communities together and as intact as possible at least in the short term, and at least for the time being some communities can only afford to think ahead to the short term. The long term disadvantage is that our children will see how we act, how we submit “willingly” to the chains of labor and coin, and could potentially inherit these traits from us, now children are often rebellious, and it is ambitious teenagers that often bring about many of the needed changes within our society, but once those rebellious teenagers settle into adulthood do we want them to so easily submit to the ones who kept us shackled? If you and your community find this strategy the one that best addresses your needs let me, make a few suggestions on how to minimize the negative aspects and maximize the positive ones. First, don’t become complete isolationist, accept the enlightened Nomidians into our ranks, perhaps even encourage inter-cultural friendships and marriages to strengthen these bonds but never forget they are guests. We must keep strong records of our culture and myths, what little we have left anyways, do not forget our ways for the illusion of assimilation. Stay uninvolved in the local politics and gossip, listen but do not speak, it is important we are constantly vigilant and gauging the “temperature of the room” but if you wish to keep your head low speaking, even whispering, about the powers that be will draw attention to you. Keep your community close, I mean really close, as stated before this strategy will leave you and your neighbors open to exploitation, and when conducting your business this way it is inevitable it will happen to at least a plurality, so you will need a strong support system for each other, care for each other when sick, wounded, at the end of their rope. Encourage disciplined rebellion in our children, they must know its ok to try and change the world around them for the better, but to know when it is safe to do so without putting the rest of you at risk, we don’t want to kill any and all sense of rebellion in our youth, or we risk locking ourselves in a vicious inter-generational cycle of submissiveness and exploitation.
We are a stubborn people, we fight death and the taking of our dignity with every muscle fiber in our bodies. Our skin and minds are stone, but in interest of not repeating myself, I will move onto the next strategy. This one will be the hardest but perhaps the most effective if it’s done properly. Find a territory where the Lord is either unconcerned or unable to monitor their more rural lands and simply build a community there, I recommend trying to lay low and go unnoticed first, but if that fails go through any legal channels. And if that fails there are plenty of Lords who simply cannot monitor the outskirts of their territories and certainly wouldn’t have the resources to kick out a bunch of Goliaths. That being said, you would be guests on their land, and if they become aware of your presence and get desperate enough, they may demand taxes, relocation, levy, all those forms of coercive violence. If you adapt this strategy I recommend trying to be as legally compliant as possible, with luck you’ll fly under the radar and they won’t even notice you’re there, but if they do, fighting them on whether or not you owe them taxes is only going to get you in trouble. Either quietly agree to meet the tax requirements or relocate once again, perhaps somewhere even more remote. We are a robust peoples used to surviving in the harsh wilderness, many of us can even wrestle bears and win, it is not impossible that we survive in the wilderness of Billow, especially considering the wilds of Billow are very calm and forgiving compared to our motherlands. There is a glaring downside to this though, it protects our communities in the short term, and makes our individual community more resilient and independent, however, the combined resilience and strength of multiple communities would still outweigh a particularly resilient isolated community. Our brothers and sisters still living in the homelands face the same challenge, it is at least in part why the shambles of the Degnerite Empire are able to enslave them with little resistance. And here in Billow we cannot put it past a lord or wealthy merchant to organize a small militia to take an isolated Goliath community by surprise during the times of chaos on the horizon.
The next suggestion would have to be implemented quickly and cautiously. Build up a sense of solidarity with all the Nomidians of the laboring class, even if they are not fully enlightened (however be cautious of compromising with those who’s ideas would do us harm in the long run) build a strong and organized movement. With the leverage of the masses you have more bargaining power against the Noble and Burgher class. First you must leverage this strength in every legal way available to you, such as striking or boycotting (just as examples). Then to slowly escalate as some techniques fail to work, disruption campaigns such as blocking carriages, disrupting production, staging prison stand-ins. Then if all of that fails it is up to the community to determine if it is time to use the language of the silenced, riots. I cannot in good conscious encourage violence against people, even guards working for the oppressor, but we have an inalienable right to defend ourselves and the ones we love, and to destroy the property used against us. They will arrest you, use violence, and if things escalate, they will kill some of you. The question you need to ask yourselves is, is this a sacrifice you and your allies are willing to make? Now, I have seen with my own eyes that freedom is not a path easily walked, it is a rushing river of blood of the martyrs, we ALL are more than intimately aware of that.
Many things for you all to consider. I hope you all find what is best for your community. Take these all into deep consideration and do not decide too hastily. This could dictate the future of our peoples for generations to come or rid the world of the gift of our great grandchildren. Kavaki and his champions be with all of you.
Dearest Mother
My mission was a success Mother. Evgenii, your daughter, my sister, was rescued and myself redeemed in the eyes of the the Ram Lord.
Before you read the rest of this letter I have a favor to ask of you. Go now, to my siblings, through letter or in person whichever is possible, request they write every story they can remember of father, every great feat he accomplished. Then I want you to do the same, I realized we cannot let his story go untold, he was humble and kind, he would've loathed the idea of his works being written down for the world to see, but his life is beyond himself now. He could serve as inspiration and a guide to future generations of abolitionists. Once you have done that task or started it at the very least, read the rest of this letter.
I came face to face with Kastigar himself, I stabbed him but I didn't bother going for the killing blow, knowing that even if I successfully killed him he would just be revived by his comrades later. But I have more important news for you and the rest of the family, Kavaki picked me to be a champion on his behalf, the greatest sign of my devotion made manifest, and in the grand competition he appointed me for I emerged victorious and defeated Dadrurom, not only killing him but rending his soul apart. He was a worshipper and cleric of Loviatar, a goddes of pain and torture. I initially feared the worst for Evgenii but I can confidently report that she wasn't tortured and seemed to be placed into a magically induced coma through the entire ordeal.
Moreska was not so fortunate. I will not describe the state me and Cicero found him in, but it was worse than anything I saw or did in Ishval. He gave me some more information on Kastigar but more importantly he gave me advice. He told me to stay close to my friends and allies, but to also make sure I spend more time with my family. I wish I could take that advice, I want nothing more than to spend my days with my siblings, but it seems I've destined myself to the path of righteous abolition. I know I'm a disappointment of a son, doing the last thing Father wanted for us, but I cannot sit idly by while evils like Kastigar taint the ground we walk on.
I know you probably wish me to come home and give up on my path, or take a break at the very least, but just as wickedness knows no sleep, I cannot let my vigilance falter, especially now that I've found myself in this existential wrestling match with the Great Enemy. It would be selfish of me to not at least try to use my gifts to break the chains and return our people's dignity. That being said, I have some memories I'd like to reminisce on with you.
I remember when I first started living with you and father, I'd often find myself unable to trance because I'd have these terrible sobbing episodes. You must've been concerned beyond belief, and frustrated that I wouldn't let you or any of the other Alleeva women come close to me during them. Oskana seemed so tired all the time, even as a small(er?) child I could recognize I was causing turmoil in your wonderful family, and for that I felt even more immense shame, I felt undeserving of such a kind and compassionate group of people. But as I learned more about father's past, read the philosophies Uncle Kaz gave to me, and spent time with Evgenii that shame changed into anger and frustration. Anger that people on the surface could be just as evil as those in the Underdark, and frustration that I couldn't do anything about it. I remember reading some works by Rennyn Vaelhorn that Uncle Kaz gave me, it described a theoretical path to enlightenment for an entire population, it argued that if a group was put under enough strain and oppression that said group would revolt against their oppressors and re-create their home to reflect their personal paradise. At the time I saw this as my way of helping people, given that slavery and torture were still felt freshly on my skin. Gods sometimes when I close my eyes even now I feel their daggers slowly gliding along my stomach to my hips. I swore that I would try my best to ensure that as few children of the future as possible would need to feel shame and suffering like I did down in that wretched hole, so off to Ishval I went.
That desert lives in every crevice of my mind, what was once a lush garden of wonder and comfort, is now a dry sea of sand and death, a constant drum of war bellowing in my skull. Although even to this day I believe the war against Ishval to be just, Amatrace has deployed unforgivable tactics, and I was one of them. I dare not go into detail in such an unguarded letter, and it is not relevant to the point I am going to make. I started as a young boy looking to make a positive difference in the world, and I left a fiend, someone undeserving of the love you and father gave me. I had mentally trapped myself in that desert and it is a cage that still painfully binds me today. What allowed me take the first steps towards my own freedom was one of my last assignments before father's death. I was in a relatively large town called As Sarawi disguised as a body guard to a wealthy and religiously significant merchant called Hamdi. He was a kind man, he made lots of money but spent most of it on helping those around him, he treated me like an equal, and most importantly he was a good father. He reminded me of Oskana in many aspects, he often said "One always has a choice my son". His sons were 13 and 8, Karim and Aziz respectively, they were good boys too. In fact most of my assignments from him were to protect them, so I spent most of my time watching over them. Karim loved to play spy with me, I taught him how to sneak up on the kitchen women and where to hide if people are actively looking for you. Aziz was a bundle of excitement, he was as energetic as he was loud. He was nicknamed "Alsurakh Qalilan" (little shouter) and he had a curious fascination with people's faces. He would always insist on feeling my scars or the some worker's (Hamdi refused to call them servants) smiling face. I, of course, was never under any illusions of why I was really there, eventually I would have to kill Hamdi, I had done worse and I could certainly do it again. He was aiding the guerilla fighters after all, supplying them with weapons and armor that was killing my battle-brothers. The night I received the order everything was in place, the kids were in bed, the workers had went home, the only ones left awake in the house was me, Hamdi, and another guard by the name of Abdul Raham, I killed him painlessly and with very little effort. Hamdi was in his night room drinking tea and reading from his scriptures. All he did was give me a smile and ask me of my own future; "You plan on having kids yourself? They're a handful but I can tell you'd be a great father Cazinogo" and then it was over. Everyone would be wondering how it happened, whispers of the Black Dragon would spread, fear of the silent and formless death would settle into the population, stories of the faceless fiend that could kill anyone with just a thought. I thought it would end there as most jobs did, but I received additional orders, "Destroy all evidence you were ever there". Damned myself that night, robbed this world of a beautiful family. That was the night I accepted what had been gnawing away at my psyche, in this desert I was not the slave child screaming and pleading for them to stop, I was the one holding the knife. Father's death was the last cut to my face I needed to say blast it and return home.
Everytime I recall that mission I'm reminded of my time spent in the Underdark. I remember it in flashes mostly, the long jagged scars that blemish my body and mind heat up in pain, but sometimes I can still remember their faces. Women, more ancient than the oldest humans, delighting in my screams of pain, becoming euphoric when I whimpered. The woman who gave birth to me didn't care, she knew it was happening and chose to let it continue. The few times I saw her she was always looking at me with disgust. The night I remember most clearly was the night I decided to fight back. Just after one of these women got done 'having her fun' and was cleaning herself up, I hit her over the head with a stone. Now I've never been strong, and 8 year old me was no exception, she likely barely felt it, nonetheless she decided to try and break me for my audacity. I could write in great detail exactly what each bone in your hand feels like when its snapped because of that night, but I also remember the pain wasn't so bad, I felt so much pride in myself that day, I finally knew that fighting back was an option, I would meditate on the moment the stone hit her head every night for months. It was that memory that gave me the strength to eventually kill my birth giver and become free alongside my first father. Enough dwelling on distant memories though.
I was the only one to hear Moreska's last words, and I was the one he tasked with ending his suffering. He apologized for making me do it, but in that moment, for some strange reason, I felt serene. I used a new technique on him, it was literally instant and painless, imagine you are going about your day as normal then you blink and you're in heaven. I was glad I could end my uncle's pain, give him the eternal retirement he deserves, I know him and father are butting heads once again probably raising an army just to see who can lift the most weight or throw a log the furthest. He passed the burden of our family name unto me, and I must continue father's work. You must have faith and trust in me mother, even if it is not I who tears down the walls of Kastigar's citadel, I will ensure the next one to take the mantle has a clear path to victory.
Feel free to read this letter to Egor and save it for the others, whether you do that or not though I will leave to your discretion.
The Wind that Comes Down from the Mountains
Passes in the Meadows
That is why the Wind is Free
Declaration For A Crusade
Hear ye righteous souls, Hear ye Anchorites, Hear ye Crusaders, Hear ye Zealots, Hear ye Vengeful Spirits, I declare a victory over the Great Enemy, I, Warden Amore Alleeva, wife of Warden Anastasia Alleeva, friend of Warden Cicero "Mage Slayer" Liao-Alleeva, have killed Dadrurom the "Queen piece" and highest lieutenant of the Great Enemy. With the aid of the righteous we have brought him and his fiendish Goddess to their knees under the great might of our Undaunting might. I know all of my kin felt it in their souls, I was chosen as a vessel to enact a deal on behalf of our god Kavaki, an honor normally only bestowed to Shamans or Sky-Watchers, but I did not disappoint the Ram Lord, I lived up to his expectations and crushed the despot with superior strength and skills. The Great Enemy is in a precarious situation now, although he still has many powerful allies, this is a hole in his previously thought impenetrable barrier, and we can drive our fists into it to further tear his armor asunder. Those who have been dispersed, threshed and broken, I offer you this glimmer of hope for freedom. I need not remind you that our peoples will never truly be free as long as the Great Enemy and his rejects walk the ground, drink the water, and breath the same air as us. So I use this victory to declare a Crusade within the bounds of the once grand Empire of Man, use your faith, your mind, your strength, and your will to root out the Great Enemies' Evil in every corner of the realm. Think of the Greater Good of the Tribe, you need not put fist to bone to root out this evil, reporting this evil to your Chief, build a community watch, protect each other, and when possible tampered with practicality, put fist to bone.
We can only stop in this great competition against the Great Enemy when the stones of our people are unmolested by the marks of his despotism. We must remember the screams of our fathers and mothers, and bring every blow down with the intent to avenge their suffering. Come forth from your homes, those of you who wish to be as brave as Naki-Uthai step away from your warm fires of comfort and into the unending blizzard.
Rivers of shame, the echoes of chains, long have we suffered this hunger, longer have we tried to carry the pain and keep it contained, but soon this winter of woe will come to end siblings, but it is up to us to see this destiny to completion. We have not been given one inch by the great evils around us, so we must do what we do best and break this evil with our ever enduring strength.
Through this crusade I offer repentance. Even the fallen can be redeemed, build a stone upon a stone and reclaim our dignity as a people. There is no sin too great that it cannot be forgiven through deeds, it merely that great sins require great deeds of virtue. Bodies break, virtue endures.
(A List of the Names of All the Mercenaries is written on the back of the pamphlet)
With Devotion to our Ram Lord,
The Elf-kin Alleevas
Godliness And Labor
Our services and promise of service to the Gods often rewards us with boons. Some of these boons can be simple but welcome, such as less painful joints for a few days in our older age, or for better chances conceiving when trying for a child. Some boons can be what gives you the edge in a battle, perhaps Dagaal or Morodon gives you a boon of protection and makes you harder to hit, or reinforces your blows to shatter your opponents more effectively. Regardless of the boon, they never come without the receiver meeting some type of criteria. Typically the bare minimum is one must pray to the God they wish to receive the boon from, and the other is they must be an eligible recipient, for example the 8 are typically unwilling to give more than minor boons to non-Nomidians. This creates a symbiotic relationship between mortals and Gods, but not one of unconditional love. It is very rare that Gods offer boons to those who do not ask or worked for them. Even Clerics often worship and work on behalf of the god they serve under the promise of divine magical power or a higher position in the appropriate heaven. Clerics often “love” their gods in the sense that they often share the same values, and work hand in hand to enact those values onto the world. This goes for Clerics of Duufaan who value law, hierarchy, and Nomidian domination, and Clerics of the Bitch of Pain who value power, pain, and pleasure.
Gods can be subtly influenced by their worshippers and vice versa. This influence only extends so far, if every Duufaan worshipper suddenly interpreted them as a God of Chaos and Anarchism, Duufaan would merely start to fade or loose power, but if their followers started interpreting them as a God of Justice, it would not be impossible for that to be added to their portfolio at least as a pseudo-portfolio, which would give them some minor amounts of power. This means its not only okay, but should be encouraged when groups of people have an alternative, but reasonable, interpretation to a God’s tenets and portfolio. I, and many other Goliaths worship Kavaki as a God of Emancipation or Freedom, since he is often the only connection, we have to our roots upon obtaining freedom from the Great Enemy, and the 8 are often quick to cast us aside. Kavaki’s portfolio does not necessarily include Emancipation or Freedom, but given the work being done in his name, and a lot of his followers within the 5 kingdoms being ex-slaves or related to ex-slaves, it is not unlikely his portfolio is poised to gain a new addition. He is our light in the dark, and our anchor stone against the battering storm.
“Freedom”, what does that mean? It is certainly a nice sounding word, but if you asked a dozen people what it meant to them, you would likely get a dozen different answers, unless one of those people gave you the literal denotation of the word, but even that definition shifts subtly between fields of study. From an economic perspective it could mean the means to buy and sell what you want, when you want, but it could also mean the ability to support yourself and your family without dependence on loans or welfare. But if one needs to work 11 or more hours a day to ‘earn’ that support, they would be spending their whole life simply working and sleeping, that doesn’t sound like freedom to me. For the sake of this pamphlet “Freedom” means the ability to do what you want without fear of death or financial despotism, up to the point where you start impeding on other individual’s freedom and well-being. Imagine if you, dear reader, were able to support yourself, your spouse, and your children, by only working 6 to 8 hours a day? What would you do with your extra time? Some of you would spend it playing with your kids, teaching them about the world, others would spend it with their spouse expressing their love and desire to be with one another, more still would spend it making extra money to buy nice things, splurge a little bit on that winter jacket, and many many others would spend it enriching their minds and spirits. Many people would like more time to educate themselves. Perhaps you want to be a priest, but finding the time to read all those texts, and critically analyze is impossible given how much effort you need to keep food on the table. Or maybe you want to find a solution to food spoilage, so you spend your days researching food preservation and fringe academic fields to come up with something new. Regardless of what you chose to do with your free time, it is likely to enrich yourself and those around you.
This extra free time would leave to a spiritually enlightened community. This does not necessarily mean a more religious community, although having more time to read the scriptures of your god, and pray would inevitably be a thing many individuals chose to do, and I would encourage them to do so. What I mean by spiritually enlightened is more connected to the world and people around them. You would go on walks and learn the personalities of the local fauna and flora, the troubles of your neighbor, their virtues and vices. Perhaps you and your neighbor discover a love for wood carving together, or perhaps you discover they have a problem with alcohol, and offer your time and presence to help them overcome it, or vice versa. (A footnote is written, recommending the reader look into topics on “animism” and the same footnote gives some text recommendations)
Even something that seemingly doesn’t benefit your neighbor or even further removed community members, likely benefits them in ways not consciously thought about. Lets return to the example of playing with and teaching your kids. Your children will obviously enjoy and benefit from having a positive influence in their life, and the benefits those children get will help them become healthy, functioning members of society, decrease the likelihood they resort to crime or degeneracy. It will leave their minds open to development, making them able to learn more effectively than without the care you gave them, and an educated population with a strong moral compass is a recipe for paradise. Even those that use their free time for something purely “self-interested” like making money, benefits the community. They are not only partaking in the inflow/outflow of money in the economy, they’re encouraging the production of luxury goods, perhaps even taking part in producing them themselves as a means to this monetary gain.
Now, its all well and good to fantasize about the “what-ifs” of a 6 hour workday, but how would we make this logistically possible? I mean, how could it even begin to be possible to cut a workday by 45-50% and still keep production high enough to ensure the needs of the community and the countries’ needs are met? Well the simple answer is that the productivity needs of the community are already met, chances are the industry you work for is owned by a member of the Noble or Burgher class. They are a class defined by two things; their immense amount of wealth, and their ownership of the means of production. They do not work with their hands to make the planks of wood that go into a boat, or entwine the fibers that are weaved into a shirt, nor do they design and nail these boats together, or transport the shirts from one community to another, as a merchant would. Their only claim to wealth is that they own the tools and materials you and your fellow labor with. And how did they come to own these tools? Well they were born into it, their ancestors were members of a noble house, or exploited an economic drought, or stole countless riches from now dead nations, but regardless of whether this happened three generations ago or eleven, the wealth and ownership of the means of production obtained through blood was passed down hereditarily along with the boots that stepped on the backs of workers like us. I’m going to single out a community that has been on many people’s minds lately, Hollow Oak. They produce multiple tons of cut and treated Hollow Oak every week, they had a relatively healthy economy on paper for many years, but any visitor would tell you that the people of Hollow Oak are working around the clock in extremely dangerous and strenuous labor, with barely any money to speak of. All the Hollow Oak cut and processed within the region was owned and sold by three individuals, one of which doesn’t even live within the region. These three individuals were making hundreds of gold a day (800 or more) doing nothing but sitting in their ten thousand gold homes smoking expensive imported tobacco, while the real workers risked life and limb to cut and carry those trees from the forest to the mills. (A footnote gives text recommendations of texts recounting the history of the wealthy families of Eastrin and Billowan and how they obtained that wealth.)
So my dearest reader, and fellow laborer, I appeal to your rationale and sense of higher moral duty, find a god that aligns with your values, a good and just one, pray to them, and use their boons to bring about the change the world needs. Not only for your own benefit, but for the benefit of those around you and the wider community.
And Their Name Was Righteousness
"His zeal in the cause of freedom was infinitely superior to mine. Mine was a taper light, his was the burning sun. Mine was bounded by time, his stretched away to the silent shores of eternity." is a quote written by a great scholar of emancipation. It was a quote written about my father, to receive such high praise from a scholar of such renown must've boosted even Oskana's ego, as humble as he was. I will live up to my father's success, and continue his goals, ensure that they are seen to completion even if I personally am not the one who carries it out.
There are no words to describe my zeal, all gods who are righteous support my crusade, not because they care for my sister although I'm sure my LORD Kavaki does, but because they know I am the perfectly honed tool of the righteous. I have lost my name, but my name is not necessary to uphold Justice. With every breath I feel my zeal strengthen, my holy fires grow, my confusion and chaos clear. There is no evil who can oppose me, for my name is freedom, my name is that of the LORDS of all that is right, my name is RIGHTEOUSNESS. Slavers will know my wrath, they will be burned, cut, filleted, and sent to the depths of the abyss where they belong. I work on behalf of the great REDEEMER and all who wish to be on the side of justice.
My brother Cicero will be the face of my great crusade, and he will be the one who hold's KASTIGARS SEVERED HEAD FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE. Kastigar will only be the first example of what happens to fools who oppose me, the LORD of all that is RIGHTEOUS. I need not glory, merely success, and that is already guaranteed. I smell blood, the blood of the fiends that believe they are somehow more powerful than me, their plots of deception have failed, and for that they die. Perhaps they worked on those who are more impulsive than myself, but I have the clarity of the gods and the clarity of a psion.
My Psionics are a gift from the cosmos, they were given to me to slay the plights upon this world. Kastigar is the MOLOCH OF DESPOTISM and I am the ABSOLUTE WILL of ALL that is GOOD. All who work under me are given a great gift, not only material wealth, but also a promise of a just and glorious death. All who die in pursuit of Kastigar, knowing or not, regardless of their level of success, are promised a place in the HEAVENs and those who oppose him with their full beings are guaranteed a place in the highest heavens.
Get in Their Holy names! Get! For they are on the side of justice, and you are on the side of chains! These three fiends will die by for they oppose me, the LORD of all that is RIGHTEOUS
With Devotion,
Lord R.
Troubling Information
Hello Mother,
I'm really sorry for sending this letter, it has some very troubling information, information I was considering not telling you at all, but I think as my mother you are entitled to it. Before I get to that though I'd like to catch you up on my rescue efforts so far. I've arrived in Redwyne, I have clues and pieces of information pointing to Evgenii's presence somewhere near here, so at the very least she is not in Hanrar like my initial suspicion. I also have reason to believe Moreska is no longer himself, by that I mean he is being impersonated, apparently whoever it is, is very good too because every description and piece of information I've gotten sounds just like him, but there are very minor discrepancies that point to him being a charlatan, I plan to confront the imposter later tonight, it will likely result in his death. I have also received information that Moreska was likely setup by the local government here, as soon as I arrived, I saw the bodies of the men he kept company with hanging from the walls, apparently, they were executed for getting into a disagreement with the Senechaul (they're like a treasurer), of course my first suspicion is that this Senechaul is working with Castygy.
Ever since I've been here in Redwyne I can feel Kavaki's presence, and when I first arrived, I received a message from father, a warning, "They know", which wasn't anything I didn't already know, but just feeling father's presence and his approval has emboldened me. I can feel I am close to Evgenii's rescue, every single minute here in Redwyne has been spent searching for her, and with every person I talk to here the plot thickens, but I still feel I am growing ever closer. I got a reading from a Vishtani woman named Madam Bohemia, she indicated that the final battle will likely take place on some form of Hallowed ground, perhaps the church here in Redwyne?
I also have a strange request; I know there is no official process for this or anything, but I think seeking out your approval as the matriarch is most appropriate. If you recall I was traveling with another drow named Cicero, they're a troubled man, and they are not without their flaw, but they have been by my side since step 1 of this journey, putting their own personal matters aside and risking their life to ensure Evgenii and my own's safety, we had a heart to heart and I ended up inviting him into the family as Cicero Alleeva, I still have mixed feelings about it since what right do I have to do that? But I feel he is just as much my brother as Egor or Ivana. I couldn't help but feel like I was lying to him even though I wish for nothing more than to call him my brother with certainty.
Finally, the troubling information. I had a discussion with a wood elf named Sylvy (gender non-conforming from what I could tell, which I believe myself to fall under that category, I'd love to explain it to you sometime if we ever find the time), and I ended up showing them their mind palace (something I'd like to do with you and all my siblings sometime if possible), which is a process in which I delve into their subconscious, bring them along with me so that we may see their most intimate thoughts and feelings, ones likely they didn't even know they had, of course I do this all with their explicit permission and explain that I too will be able to see and feel everything. We ended up having a good conversation while in there, they seemed to like it but they also seemed concerned about me. Once I talked with them a bit more I found out that they considered me a child, and not in a patronizing manner like I thought Cicero did. They explained to me that elves, even those that mature "quickly" aren't considered adults until at least their 8th decade of life. I've never told you my exact age but I believe I'm somewhere between 22-24. This revelation meant very little to me at first because I figured it doesn't actually change anything, but then I realized it explains my chaotic and ever-changing worldviews, my seeming inability to deal with traumas, and a few other aspects core to my personality I had just considered normal up to this point. And then I realized how troubling this information would be for you and father if he were still alive, which is why I considered not sending it, but I can't lie to you, perhaps you're the only person I can't lie to you. I estimated my mental age should be around 14-15 even if my biological age is about 7-10, perhaps my experiences during the war explain that discrepancy? I wish once Evgenii is safe I could discuss this more with you in person, but apparently there is trouble in Hollow Oak that requires my immediate attention, the Gnoll issue has escalated, and I feel some level of responsibility for them as I have taken up the mantle as a community leader there. I will do my best to return to you safely.
Love you dearly,
Anastasia Alleeva
A New Quest and Prayer
1837 Cattlerise 9th day
My number one priority is my sister's safe return, swiftly followed by my Uncle's. I'm not certain if Moreska's letter to Evgenii was genuine, but I find it hard to believe that he would so carelessly endanger his niece, and that there were Black dog mercenaries and Red Wizards that just happened to be waiting in the forest for her. My first stop is in Red Wyne to find out if they brought Evgenii there, to fully ensure my marching into their trap, and if after dealing with the threats there and there are no signs of her my next stop is the Red Star City, on Hanrar. Castigar has somehow, likely much to his own dismay, found the one way to make himself my 3rd or 4th priority. He spoke of "ensuring" I don't get too close since his final plans have been moved into motion, I'm working on the assumption that this plan will result in immortality of some kind. Obviously, I have an interest in ensuring Castigar does not obtain immortality, obviously, but I find myself unable to emotionally or rationally justify my sister's life to stop him. I acknowledge that perhaps I am being selfish by giving up such a great advantage in order to save my sister, that advantage being my single-mindedness, my sole obsession was a north star that guided me through any storm, but just like the waves that thrash boats across the oceans, I am now the storm that will sink Castigar's vessel, not with overwhelming brute force and violence, but rather as a single strike of lightning from the clear sky into his powder room.
I was in the process of coming to terms with my death until I discovered Evgenii had been captured. Now I know with absolute certainty that Kavaki will not let me fail, my quest is righteous, and the fiends before me are but shrubs in the way of my prize. I ride baring the mark of my LORD on my chest with pride and knowing that it provides me supreme protection. Blades may cut me, arrows pierce me, and flames burn me, but I know that none will find a killing blow as long as Kavaki guides my movements. He represents freedom and care for your neighbor and my quest makes me the barer of both. There is no longer a cold and calculating viper wrapped around my heart, but that has been burned away by an infernal engine of passion and righteousness. Evgenii will not only be collected and brought back safely but she will be avenged, and those who have harmed her will have the suffering they've caused done to them tenfold.
Dabici likely has a vested interest in my success as well, although you can never be certain with a god of nature, especially one so chaotic and unknown. I will perhaps ask them for guidance or if they favor my quest, but I will not pray, that privilege is reserved for the Ram Lord and his friends.
My people, all of my peoples, are ones that are constantly on defense, Drow, Androgynous, Giant-kin, Orcish, physically unsightly, and Psions, all peoples constantly under attack and on the defensive within Nomidian culture. I'm a freed slave, both my fathers were freed slaves, and now I work to free other slaves, I have lived a hard 22 years, born into a form of slavery that made even my father's stories sound tame, and a poverty that makes the most destitute villagers of Hollow Oak look wealthy. I've been finding it harder and harder to relate to my fellow Wardens for this explicit purpose, I can tell Legacy has a troubled past, Kavaki knows they didn't have an easy life, but their peoples are not on the verge of extinction at all times, they don't need to have discipline because they've never needed it. Legacy is only under threat from the publics because of their status as a wizard, an identity that is purely a choice. Legacy also seems to have a reckless disregard for the people around them, a trait likely obtained both from their status as a wizard, and that they've never known what its like to be hunted and feared merely for existing. I was reading a rather niche academic from Eastrin's works, they put forth the idea that my worldview on wizards is no better than other's worldviews on drow or androgynous individuals, but I would retort that being a wizard is a choice, not only is it a choice it is a choice to wield a weapon, because that is what arcane magic is, it is not used to heal the meek, or protect the vulnerable, it is used to kill, maim, torture, and destroy.
Cicero and I are keenly aware that everyone around us is constantly seeking an excuse to kill or imprison us, and most of this is driven by fear. Even those who are not outright hostile towards us are fearful, for good reason, I cannot blame them for their fear even I and cautious of other drow, but this still puts a great burden on the shoulders of me, Cicero, and Leiac. Even Cicero who went through many of the same struggles I did, was taught how to read, had a father who could protect them even if only slightly, and a room to sleep in, but the 12 years I was in the Underdark conditioned me to be cautious of everyone, even my friends, and how to know which rats are the tastiest. I'm mostly self-taught in my academics and I'm envious of Cicero for being able to read so much when they were younger, had I been born to their family I likely would've become a scholar upon coming to the surface, instead of a wild animal backed against a wall.
But this is all a footnote to my conclusion. Kavaki and Ulthak have shown me that all members of my tribe are to be respected and fought for. That the people of Billow have their own struggles, and although they may not all be as great as being enslaved, or being born to drow society, they are people who are suffering, and alleviating that suffering is a duty of the those who can. I will respect Legacy's drive to find out about their past, and I do genuinely believe they mean well, even if their plans involve killing me because of my race, but I cannot allow them, or any other wizard under my influence, to roam freely, they are simply too dangerous to not be kept under control.
For the better of the tribe,
Anastasia Alleeva
Walls
1837 Cattlerise 8th day
While my brothers and sisters are genocided by these resentful nomidians, who don't even know the erasure of an entire peoples is happening right under their noses. They know not the suffering they cause their own people, I never knew a goliath to throw away the concerns of their people so easily, and I have spent many hours trying to find out why this could be. Part of it must lie within the way Nomidians interact with each other, they put up walls, both emotional and physical, to avoid their so dreaded neighbor. I often find myself being more familiar with the people of Hollow Oak than the people who have lived with them for their entire lives. Their buildings are large, and often built for only a single family, it is also where most nomidians decide to spend their resting hours. In my culture we would build houses or tents, but they were often merely a storage facility for goods we didn't want to carry at that moment, and a place to keep warm at night. My people would spend their resting hours talking, drinking, and playing together, often in friendly but competitive games. Nomidians seem to lack a concept of equality as well, their women are often confined to a torturous isolation with only gossip to break the monotony. These women are often more capable and competent than their husbands, but they are relegated to child rearing even if when it is not the most efficient use of a couple's skills for the community. I mean, Nomidian men are somehow the most hearty but wholly incompetent individuals I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, I don't mean to insult them, but when I was discussing with some women, I had recently hired she was explaining that her husband doesn't know how to cook! I was even more shocked to find out that she truly meant couldn't cook, him and his kids were starving when she returned home from work. My other employees recounted similar experiences with their husbands just not to such an extreme. My culture treats women and men as one in the same, the only time the sex of an individual is relevant is when a wet nurse needs to be chosen among our tribes! This oppressive emphasis on the sex of an individual not only hurts those most repressed, women, but hurts the men around them, they are unable to express vulnerability to their comrades as showing weakness is seen as an embarrassment, one that reflects on his entire family, and if a man is perceived as too weak then his family is seen as vulnerable to exploitation and collapse. All physically intensive labors are also put squarely on the bruised shoulders of men, even though women are equally as capable as men in these tasks.
It is also notable that the work women do is often not acknowledged as genuine labor. Even though the mother is the only one who rears children and is often responsible for raising their husbands, she receives no financial compensation. These women are often left dependent on their husbands for an income, and even when they somehow find the time to get a financially compensated job there are very few employers that will actually take them on. This employment discrimination is often justified using a false and patronizing construction of women, believing them to be fragile and unfit to do the hard physical labor, yet I have witnesses with my own eyes Ishvalan women fight just as hard and take as much damage the men, and continue fighting. I've seen Nomidian women fight with a ferocity to rival the most zealous Dagaal worshippers, and need I remind you the sex of Dufaan and Dagaal? The financial burden families bare being placed squarely on the man of the house puts a lot of pressure on this man, and even more worryingly leaves the family open to financial destitution or exploitation. If a man gets sick, or arrested, or grows weak with age earlier than anticipated, the family loses its only financial provider. This also leaves men open to exploitation in the labor market, if a man is desperate to ensure his kids can eat, he will take on almost any job even if it has bad hours, bad pay, bad conditions, and is physically taxing, my comrades in the logging business are more than aware of this. The families of my employees are more secure than those around them, because if their husband is unable to work then at least they still have a source of income, and mothers are not made to prostitute so their kids can eat. Men of Billow I urge you to reconsider what you consider care for your women, I understand you think you are protecting them from a harsh labor force, but the reality is that you are simply condeming them to a purgatory, making them take a spectator's role within their own lives, watching the world pass them by through the panes of the windows.
When Wizards go to War
1837th Cattlerise 7th day TFA
cities burn. That is what the Grand Falcon told me, and if a wizard of such experience speaks on such matters I am inclined to believe him. This has confirmed my suspicions that wizards are a plight on this world that must be cut away, like an unwanted growth on the nape of a neck, for left to its own devices it will only grow and suffocate the host. I have had many nights to ponder on my feelings towards Legacy and the Wizard Question. Although there are some wizards who have good hearts, and more that simply wish to isolate themselves to their libraries and die studying as a form of worship of Aqoon or merely to satisfy an innocent curiosity, there is no denying that most wizards desire power, and with the unknowable potential of arcane magic it is only a matter of time before one of them brings entire continents their knees. Since wizardy is not genetic, nor a closely guarded secret as much as they insist it is, wiping out wizards is not a possible solution, even if some organization managed to annihilate every living wizard it would merely pop back up a generation or two later. No, the best solution is to find an alternative source of power without the accompanying flaw of the Wizard Curse. Psionics have many advantages over the arcane, the first is the lack of a curse for obsession, but the most important, anyone can learn them, even if it takes a great deal of effort. Currently the arcane is predominantly locked to the wealthy and those who's interests are so far separated from the general public's their interests should no longer be considered by the commonfolk or the moral masses. Now, I acknowledge Psionics can take decades, often a lifetime for shorter lived humanoids, to obtain any considerable proficiency with, but it is important to acknowledge that arcane magic was the same way in its infant stages and Psionics are barely a zygote in their mother's womb. I can sense an immeasurable power within my psionics, my soul song is restrained and unrefined, I know that with enough time the feats I could accomplish will make a wizard of 7th level, perhaps higher, look like child's play.
It is also important to acknowledge that even when Psionics have matured, not everyone will be able or willing to learn them, even to keep the ever-present threat of wizards at bay. So I have come up with a more systematic solution, and that is the wizard registry, forming a foundation that requires all practitioners of arcane magery to register, and for them to be strictly and thoroughly monitored. They are too dangerous to be left to learn and practice unmonitored. We have a form of this with the falconeers, but their system is heavily flawed and rudimentary, nor is it restrictive enough. It is of upmost imperative that wizards not be let to cast spells over 7th level, they become individuals with enough power to crush entire cities within hours.
I will continue to monitor my personal case study on wizards, although all but one wizard I've met so far have lacked discipline or mental willpower, this makes them all the more dangerous, but also easily defeated...
Lament for Childhood
1837th Flurdance 24th Day TFA
I often find my mind wondering to my childhood during my trances. I recall walking the riverbank with my siblings playing tag or hide-and-seek. They would always whine because I could win those two games easily, but then we would wrestle and I would always loose that, the only times I was found was when Evgenii got the dogs of the region to help her, and that lead to me quickly learning how to cover up my scent. One particularly fun wrestling match between me and my dear older sister Ivan resulted with me having a broken arm, Freya would never let either of us ever hear the end of it, while my father Oskana, just quietly went to work and mended my arm. I recall the only time my father was ever quiet was when he was helping other people, beyond that he was loud and joyous. I had always been able to detect an underlying sadness in my mother and father, one my siblings seemed to never pick up on, I suppose it has to do with my Psionic talents, or because me and them have known similar early childhoods. Oskana and Freya have always used their strength to help others, and I wanted nothing more in the world to be like them. Most of my siblings wanted to be as great carpenters as my father or wished to break their own paths through the thick foliage of life. Me and my sister Evgenii were the only two interested in subjects of justice outside of our little community. She wanted to bring justice to nature, so that every child could play along clean riverbanks with thier siblings or get a sense of awe and appreciation for life as they watch birds fly out of the nest for the first time. I went off to join a war I had no business being in.
I've lost that wonder and love for life sometime during the war, I can't even say exactly when it happened, it was likely a long process. All I gained from that period of my life is a heavy soul and a body so battle-worn it repulses me to look at. My father used to tell me what happens to your soul when you die, late at night after my siblings have gone to bed, he'd only tell me this because he knew I was worried about my soul going to the Spider Queen. He told me that regardless of what god you worship before you go to their paradise you are placed at the bottom of a vast mountain, and to reach your final resting place you must carry the weight of the souls of every person you wronged in your mortal life, but that you would have the help of every person you've done right in your mortal life. I know that if I were to die today, or three centuries from now, my strength and willpower would be no match for the ocean of souls I've tormented in those 3 short years, even with the strongest man I know, my father, helping me along the way.
I often find myself in a precarious situations now, I never feel like I'm doing enough for the people around me. I feel as if I'm in a room full of hourglasses, constantly flipping each and every one, because if even one empties to the bottom my life and soul will be damned.
Kavaki save my soul. And Freya please don't forsake me.
Seeking Solace
I've found myself in a difficult position it appears. I knew my kind were tumultuous and ever-changing at my age but I didn't fully understand that I would recognize my entire worldview changing within a matter of days, often incited by only a single-incident. I find myself trying to be as great as my father, and more worryingly, find myself falling short. I'm constantly striving to find redemption for my irredeemable actions and acting uncharacteristically. I wish I could always maintain my cold and calculating mindset but I've grown just as emotionally attached to the people of Hollow Oak as the people of my home, causing my actions to oftentimes be driven by emotion and righteousness rather than reason and consideration, but I suppose in that sense I am very much turning into my father.
I've also found myself with strange feelings towards an unexpected recipient. A very intelligent Goblin, I dare not write their name out of concern that this journal is one day found by a diviner, but this Goblin has made me feel some... new sensations. I don't know what the emotion is but I often find my thoughts wandering to them and feelings of anxiety building up in my stomach as I talk to them. I think the word for it would be flustered, but my training and abilities should make me immune or at least able to suppress such emotions, I am sorely disappointed in myself for such failures.
What doesn't help is that I suspect the Goblin and Lord Vaygrade Hallheart are plotting something against me. I for some reason find myself afraid to investigate the matters further but I suppose for my own safety and the cause of Hollow Oakian people I should determine if this plot is benigh or outwardly hostile.
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