Session 35 - We Promise We Won't Eat This One - Methos Joins the Party

Plot points/Scenes

Refreshers

• Document of refreshers
• Collect the mindflayer corpse, and any intact intellect devourer corpses
• Ask Strudel super politely for his blood
• Long term: two courier missions
• One to gloomhaven within a week
• One to streamwalk whenever we get around to it
• Get Gregory new Plate armor bc we turned his to gold
• I've got a golden cyborg leg just in case anybody needs an emergency amputation

Strudel and Blood Donations

• Fritz talks him into donating blood: he asks if we have any empty containers, or even better, containers of water - he's going to just exchange the water for his blood and put the water in his bloodstream
• F: "um...I don't know about water, but I've got two bottles of (dangerous, potentially straight methanol) vodka?"
• S: "....you know what, that'll work."
• F: "wait, Strudel, no-"
• J: "ME! Do me first!"
• Strudel does Jalan first, and he immediately passes out, he argues that he didn't even get a save, the rest of us argue that he's lucky the DM didn't instantly kill him
• Four ingots worth of artifact-tier phantasmium (strudel's generous donation)
• 1 ingot of common phantasmium (2 intellect devourer corpses)
• 1 ingot of rare phantasmium (Illithid corpse)

--Methos Komodus-- Joins The Party!

• Gregory carries the unconscious Jalan back with us: "I've had those days too"
• DM mistakenly says it was Vincent carrying Jalan, until we remember that Vincent nearly died
• D: "oh yeah! From battling the....disease queen"
• F: "plague maiden"
• (Chase: "that is so much better than disease queen"
• (D: "i'M sOrRy-"
• Fritz delivers Jalan to Woggugat, also checking in with Vincent
• Vincent's sad because if he had just been more devout he would've survived, Heimdall must've had some reason for abandoning him in the fight
• Fritz tries to comfort him, saying that he can't possibly think that's a reasonable explanation, that even gods can't do anything if you suicidally run into something that doesn't even have anything to do with their tenets
• He seems to agree but is still a bit and sad and pouty
• Drant v Fritz about Hive Mind, Drant is adamant that he never did anything that he didn't want to do and that he didn't think was good for the group, Fritz says "that's the problem, you did stuff that directly harmed us and don't think anything of it" (D: "no I didn't! Everything I did was my own decision" F: "THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING-")
• Kobold comes from the back: "I have Vincent's results, but a few questions...which one of you is Jalan?"
• F: "........" *gestures to the unconscious body on the ground*
• Drant wakes Jalan up with thorn whip
• K: "I have some questions about your friend Vincent here, I'll need you to come with me to the back-"
• Jalan groggily follows him, the kobold whips out a net and grapples him
• K: "Jalan Kendith, you're coming with me. I'm turning you in"
• J: "well, fuck that. HELP!"
• Drant hears Jalan yelling and goes into the back, Fritz pokes her head after him around the corner
• J: "stop him! He netted me!"
• M: "just because you're the tallest doesn't mean you're the highest ranking"
• From Drant/Fritz's perspective, there's a little kobold - just smaller than Fritz - trying to drag Jalan in a net down the hallway and acting like he's successfully caught his prey
• He's moving at like 4 miles an hour, Fritz snickers, Jalan is angry
• Jalan offers the kobold - who introduces himself as Methos Komodus, a bounty hunter who was offered like 500 (I forget) gold to capture and deliver Jalan Kendith
• Jalan offers to pay him like 800 (again, I forget) to just put him down and walk away
• M: "...shit fam, that's all you had to say"
• Talking with Methos - he thinks we're pretty cool and since he now doesn't have a current contract - and we pay way better than the previous contracts he's had - he wants to join up
• He's immediately trying to get all buddy buddy with Fritz - agreeing with everything she says, and saying he's on "Fritz's team" and "anything to be on your good side, Fritz"
• J: "she's a commoner!"
• M: "you're a drunk!"
• He also pulls out a little itty bitty spider (name: I forgot) and introduces us, saying she provides him with poison and does little things for him
• D: "bugs!- Fritz, can we keep him?"
• F: "let's sum this up. He likes bugs. Drant likes that. He wanted to kill Jalan. I like that. Let's keep him."
• J: "but if I die, you die."
• F: "...I said I liked his spunk, not that I would've been better off if he'd succeeded"
• Methos immediately gets all buddied up to Fritz, saying that he'll make her proud, yadda yadda...
• F: "...this is getting weird. I'm gonna go back to that blacksmith's, you introduce him to the team, I'm gonna get some work done"

Long Rest

• Our first long rest using the new rules! It now takes a week instead of overnight, and things that refresh over rests do also - including Fritz's technology, and her crafting times
• Fritz makes her armor, rust-monster shield, takes 3 stress
• Robin helps out, takes 11 stress
• F: "jesus christ Robin, go take a nap I am so sorry, I will never make you do that again"
• Drant desecrates some rabbits and learns how to make a speed tattoo - but isn't able to make it yet because he needs karma
• Jalan gets his necklaces and buys some potions, and also takes some 100 potions (fake potions) to sell to the townspeople as "cure-alls" Disguise Self'ed as a tabaxi (A: "Khajiit has wares-") introducing himself as Uncle Dave
• On the fifth day, he's approached by a small mob demanding money back
• J: "I...of course! I think I left it back-" *takes off running*
• Fails athletics check, even worse with Luck, they catch him and start beating him up, he casts Levitate, one leprechaun latches on "give me back my money!"
• He manages to acrobat-levitate to a wall and climb on it, a mage in the mob dispels his levitate (and Jalan's Disguise Self)
• Jalan manages to rogue-cling to the wall and parkour away, but now there's a warrant out for the arrest of a dark elf

A Calooshii Bully

• Jalan returns home, is a little scraggly from being beaten up by a mob
• J: "so, Fritz, don't be mad, but there were these people-
• Fritz wordlessly starts packing up her things
• J: "no no no, it's not that bad-"
• There's a knock at the door - Drant answers, it's a guard from the government
• G: "do you...speak?"
• D: "yes. Do you?"
• Jalan has Disguise-self'd himself as a human(?), the guard inquires if we'd seen a tabaxi or a drow or a human running this way
• D: "we don't have any humans."
• F: "Drant, our caravan is 22 people. Like half of us are humans"
• D: "yeah, but nobody important"
• -
• A very important-looking goliath government official struts in, introduces himself as Roger
• R: "- but call me YOUR EXCELLENCE!"
• M: "can I call you Roger? Okay, Roger-"
• Roger goes around the room and demands to inspect all of our magic items one by one - Drant has nothing, Fritz only has a few trinkets that she's gotten while adventuring, nothing too dangerous
• But Roger manages to confiscate everything (including the golden beetle emitting an unknown magical aura and the wand of chastising) because they are unregistered, and he confiscates something else from someone else because it's a "weapons-grade magical artifact"
• Methos is super good at music
• M: "so, Roger, you see-"
• R: "Call me Roger ONE MORE TIME:
• M: "Okay, Roger One More Time-"
• R: *tackles Methos*
• M: "wait! Before you arrest me, can I play you a song? On my doodily doot doot flute?"
• *percentile roll says yes*
• *rolls a crit 1, starts playing darude sandstorm flute version*
• Roger wand-of-chastisings the flute out of his hands, orders the Brents to restrain him, they tackle him to the ground and start binding him
• Drant notices a cart filled with confiscated magical items guarded by some Brents outside through the window, gives Jalan some eyebrows, Jalan gives eyebrows back - he's seen it too
• Jalan talks Roger out of arresting the poor kobold who was just trying to play him music, tells Roger that he himself is a sort of mobile home for wayward souls, to foster and home *pets Fritz's head*, she tries to bite him but misses
• R: "seems like you have some work to do with them...is this wand yours? I feel like this is much too important an item to have entrusted to...her"
• J: " ah yes, that is mine. And that beetle is actually used to track her, she's a little bit-"
• R: "oh is she a wily one? was she the one climbing out the window?"
• J: "oh yeah, probably-"
• F: "I am three feet tall-"
• J: "it's dark"
• F: "that's not how darkness works, I'm forty pounds"
• J: *whispers* "I will throw you out that window-"
• R: ".......soooo-"
• Roger loudly calls his Brents off, apologizes to Jalan for the intrusion, says that they'll have to confiscate all of our magical items anyway, toss them into the filling cart and they move on
• Planning a heist - Jalan and Drant super want to follow that wagon and steal the stuff
• Methos asking Fritz for help deciding if he wants to help or not
• F: "I know you're new to this group, but I have a policy here: I will not stop you from doing things that are self-detrimental or outright stupid but I will absolutely not assist. So goodnight."
• And Fritz retires early (Drant makes some suggestive noises about her and Vincent)
• Planning
• D: "stophisticasitcally....or whatever that word is" (sophisticatedly)
• After a good like 20 minutes of discussion, and Methos on the fence on whether or not he wants to help, Drant and Jalan coyly declare "let's sleep on it!" and retire to their rooms
• F: *pokes her head out of her room* "you know they're just going to leave without you, right?"
• M: "you know what? I think I'm okay with that."
• F: "I'm proud of you. Goodnight."
• M: *fist-bumps himself in the background as Fritz shuts the door*

The (Abandoned) Wagon Heist

• Jalan and Drant steal away and follow the wagon - it's on its way to its last stop - the Embassy
• Drant notices some sort of magical field surrounding the cart - Jalan tosses a pebble
• When the pebble gets within 30 feet of the cart, Roger's head snaps towards the cart and screams "what was that? Who's out there?"
• Looking for a distraction
• Drant sneaks around a corner and strobes his glow, one Brent notices and moves to investigate, Roger screams at him to get back in line
• Roger steps out of line and screams for whoever's out there to come and face him, while the cart speeds up drastically - it'll be to the Embassy in a matter of seconds
• Drant and Jalan let it go - Roger is disappointed nobody came to fight him, the cart enters the Embassy
• Scouting the Embassy
• Scouting for defenses - it's smaller than Stonedeep's Embassy, it's just a straight-up building, little bit nicer construction and building materials
• Brents in the back unloading the cart, there's a trapdoor down into the basement where they're unloading the cart, they dump it all, and most everybody goes home
• Jalan approaches the door to try to detect magical traps - there is Abjuration magic covering the entirety of every entrance into the building he can see
• Standard-looking Brent with a mastiff rounds the corner, the mastiff looks in Jalan's direction and starts sniffing and pulling at the leash
• Jalan pulls something out of his bag of tricks - a fucking lion
• Mastiff starts barking, Brent starts screaming "what in the name of Ragnar?!" and runs, then slams something on the wall, alarm sirens start screaming, Roger immediately appears, sees the lion - "oh boy, it's playtime!"
• Does some Calooshii magic, suspends it in the air, then cuts its head off in one swoop
• Stoops to investigate the corpse, stands back up "there is magic afoot! thanks for the trophy! I might add your head next!"
• J&D: *surprised pikachu face*
• D: "....let's maybe not mess with him right now"
• J: "yeah okay"
• Jalan and Drant return to attempt to convince Fritz to assist their shenanigans, because there's no way just the two of them can take on a heist of this magnitude
• F: "you are dull. Once again, my policy-"
• J: "yeah yeah I know, but treasure!"
• D: "what if there's a millennium artifact in there?"
• F: "the chances of that-"
• J: "but what iiiiifff?"
• --
• Jalan tries to convince Fritz to break in just to get their own stuff back and maybe just see if there's anything juicy and borderline justified that we could take, like Millennium Artifacts
• F: "even if that would be worth the trouble - which it wouldn't - there is no way I'd trust someone with sticky fingers like you not to go in there without stealing shit"
• J: "my fingers aren't sticky, Fritz! I wash my hands!"
• F: "...wow you are way dumber than I thought you were"
• Jalan tries to convince Fritz that the Empire is overstepping bounds, that they're just taking citizens' magical artifacts, that we need to rise up for the people
• And...surprisingly, Fritz defends the Empire and the government
• She's a model citizen, always does her taxes, always registers the magical items she discovers on quests, but recently since joining up with Soular Power she's been neglecting that part, it's really her fault not the government's, the Empire is doing a good job on a hard job, who is she to decide they need to be stopped...
• Brief tax evasion scare in the town square, where the government is offering a reward for information leading to the arrest of the individuals known as Soular Power (until Anna reminds that Fritz was viciously possessive of the books and made sure the company was all above the table)
• D: "guys, this is great! We'll just tell them who we are and they'll pay us!"
• After a shit ton more debate, Jalan and Drant just drop it in the interest of picking back up the rest of the party
• High inquisitor: Temporary room in Roosting Owl
• Fritz and Gregory sell armor
• 15000 - taxes 20%, earn 12000
• Buys Gregory Cold Iron Plate Armor, 1875gp
• So 10125 to distribute - Fritz takes up the task
• 
• Jalan goes to talk to the high inquisitor, talks his way into a magical item of some kind, and registers our caravan as official government-contracted adventurers - we get 6 owlbear snugglebeasts as a welcome as official government adventurers

Plot type

Session

Parent Plot

Act 4: Untitled