Session 42 - Ambushes, Blessings, Cheaters, and Dopplers - The ABCs of the Road

Plot points/Scenes

Kossuth’s Sanctuary

• We sleep through the night okay
• Guide: Fritz, Forager: Naomi, Scout: Gregory, Lookout: Drant
• Drant does well with making sure camp is packed up nice, finds some shit Jalan left behind and returns it
• We briefly go through our possessions, especially the stuff we looted from the Embassy, Drant finds the Bracers of Defenselessness that we’ve forgotten about and puts them on
• About three hours in, come across a Chilling Cemetery
  • Fritz realizes almost all the names are dwarven in nature
  • The ground is not growing any grass whatsoever in the area, stone wall surrounding with thin iron spikes on top, there is a large metal gate but it’s hanging open
  • Far across the cemetery, is a weird looking statue: Fritz calls it a grave guardian, definitely looks dwarvish in construction, has a fire burning in its belly and on its head
• Fritz tells Vincent
  • Fritz in about twelve seconds: “I shouldn’t have done that”
  • Vincent hears something with even the remote possibility to relate to necromancy and hobbles out of the pleasure barge on his broken leg, determined to cleanse this place
• Spends like ten minutes doing a ritual, then stands up and declares that one 10x10 patch of grass completely clean…this graveyard is huge
  • Jalan complains that he’ll run out of drugs by the time Vincent finishes the whole graveyard, Fritz meekly backs him up that maybe we shouldn’t spend that long here, he huffs but begins casting a similar ritual that will affect the whole graveyard but only in a minor way
• Jalan is getting antsy, asks if there’s anything for him to steal, sees some gems inlaid in a few headstones, Frtiz would like to go back and say that she warned everyone strongly against doing anything with that giant menacing looking guard-statue in the back
• Meanwhile, Drant realizes that in the time we’ve been here, the statue has turned its head slightly and is watching us
• Fritz decides to try to speak to it: in dwarf, conveys that we come in peace, we only want to cleanse these sacred lands and be on our way
  • It booms out in dwarven if we have come to pay tribute to its master, Kossuth
  • F: “yeahhhhhh”
• Discussing what to give as tribute, Fritz recalls that Kossuth is some primordial deity of fire, hence the oven-statue, and that sacrifices of charred flesh are preferable
  • We start deliberating how to get flesh to sacrifice, when a few of the wolves involved with the hive mind Drant’s been dealing with emerge from the woods at the side of the road, dragging a half-alive deer, and drop it at the gates of the cemetery
  • As we bring it to the statue, it lurches forward, snatches the animal, crunches it in its fist, then raises its arm and drops it down its throat, where it travels into the belly
  • F: “are you satisfied?”
  • K: “...no! I demand more! One of you!”
  • F: “we will confer!” (“maybe we should just leave”)
  • K: “YOU WILL NOT LEAVE WHILE YOU CONFER!”
  • Slams foot on ground, gate slams shut, walls start shimmering
  • We deliberate, Jalan suggests sacrificing a bag of tricks animal, it’s only us three and Vincent in here at the moment and Fritz is adamant we sacrifice nobody
  • F: “so...what exactly do you mean, like a human life, orrr-”
  • GG: “Something that’s worth as much as sentient life”
    • D: “oh well then Jalan definitely has to be the one to make this sacrifice”
    • Fritz laughs, Jalan is offended...then approaches the statue and tosses 10 gold into its belly, feels intense burning in his heart as if its searching his soul
    • GG: “While your sacrifice is pitiful, your valuing of human life is less. I accept this offering” (gates open)
    • J: “....sooo does that mean I can take some gems now?”
    • GG: “NOOOOOO”
  • Kossuth’s Blessing: fire resistance for next month

Calooshiis Cheat

• Next encounter: two goliaths, Drant notices they’re drunk
  • Want to arm wrestle, Fritz steps forward
  • They want to wager, agree upon a bottle of alcohol - Fritz runs into the Pleasure Barge to grab one and notices that the Pseudodragon Vodka she keeps back there is gone (from Jalan stealing it to use to pay a carpenter for working on the pleasure barge instead of paying out of pocket)
    • Fritz yells out “who took the pseudodragon?! Come on guys, it’s an open bar, the least you could do is tell me when you drain something”
    • Vincent sheepishly admits that he’s had quite a few drunk nights, it’s possible he drank it without realizing
    • She’s mildly disappointed but doesn’t press further, Jalan’s off the hook for now
• Fritz outright states that these guys better not cheat, they say “who, me?? Noooo”, she recounts some of her previous bad experience with others of their order, they seem a little hurt and say “Don’t attack the people that we work for”, they all get military training from birth and not everybody’s like that
  • She’s skeptical yet but sympathetic
• They ask for a ref, Jalan volunteers, Calooshii scoffs at the “knife-eared bastard” but says he’ll do, he seems pretty trustworthy, he hasn’t tried to stab them in the back yet
  • J: “I am a classy person, I would totally stab you in the front”
• Arm wrestling…
  • Fritz wins the athletics contest, feels a solid wall of force (Calooshii magic!), screams at Jalan some gibberish about “magic block, force, FEEL IT!” second push she loses and the Calooshii slams her arm back the other way, winning the match
  • The instant he releases her hand she punches the guy in the nose, he acts hurt, Jalan (the ref) rolls a 3 so thinks everything was won fair and square and admonishes Fritz for being a sore loser
• She hands over the bottle and they part amicably, she’s still super salty but doesn’t start a fight (but caches away in the back of her mind that Calooshiis cheat…)

Bandit Lives Lost

• Drant’s hive-mind wolves return
• Gregory who was scouting ahead returns, has spotted a checkpoint, at his best guess it’s a group of bandits that are hustling people, taking tolls
  • “I thought this was supposed to be the safe path”, but bandit toll roads are better than orcs
  • Trying to portray ourselves a not rich/menacing, Fritz retracts armor, Jalan dirties himself
  • Parlay: Jalan (“Dave”), Fritz, Robin, Gregory
    • 400 gold and pass without a hitch
  • DM: “he’s buyin’ it”
  • (oh shoot that wasn’t a public roll...natural 20
  • DM: “he’s not buyin’ it-”
• Suddenly, two of the bandits up in the tower collapse, and bolts shoot out and take down two of the other bandits standing on the road
  • Naomi and Methos stand up proudly from the tower
  • M: “I took care of them for you Fritz, aren’t you proud of me??”
    • Fritz is not proud of him
• Alvira manages to revive one of the bandits
  • Komodos was cruel and slit the tendon of her knee
  • There’s now two survivors, they take off running in terror into the woods
• Fritz leaves pouch of 10(?) platinum, feeling terrible for what just happened and hoping that they come back to gather belongings or bury their friends or something
• Road conversations: greatest fear
  • Jalan: walked out of espionage school because all he could imagine was that he was the one on the torture table, or what would’ve happened if the people he was torturing escaped
• Make a good camp
  • Fritz crit fails on setting up her tent, Drant lets her reroll it
    • *in the background* Fritz has buried herself in her tent’s canvas, is wildly flailing around trying to get out, Drant approaches and extricates her: “I thought you were supposed to be good at this sort of stuff, you’re a tinker”
    • F *furious*: “as I tinker I work with METAL, metal doesn’t MOVE, it does exactly what you expect it to and it stays put when you put it down, I only have like two sticks here and a giant sheet of canvas that WON’T STOP MOVING--”
  • Jalan plays poker, Fishfingers wins and gets an inspiration
  • Drant cooks, everybody gets a spent hit die
  • Fritz whittles, crude version of the Swiftcog logo in wood
• Sleeping
  • Drant notices (and overhears) a band of what look like barbarians psyching themselves up to “take out the doppelgangers”
  • (we’ve set up camp in a relatively defensible position, backed up against a stream)
• Drant wakes Fritz, who wakes Gregory + Jalan who wake their own people…
  • Fritz tries to take a minute to switch her lenses to darkvision but doesn’t get the time

COMBAT

• Preparations
  • Drant casts longstrider on Fritz, Jalan sneaks forward
  • Squishies hide in the pleasure barge
  • Centaur holding two greataxes, gallops up to water’s edge, “You are monsters, we’ve come to slay you! Lay down your arms and this will be easier!”
    • J: “we’re not monsters, we’re just travellers!”
    • C: “that’s what a true doppler would say! What number am I thinking of between 1 and 10?” (Jalan guesses both 7 and 4 correctly, he flips out “DOPPLERS CAN READ MINDS” and retreats)
  • We hear a war cry erupt from the woods where he left, and we hear a group of people charging down towards the edge of the water
• Round One
  • Jalan shoots the centaur, Calypso climbs on a cart and readies a shot, Fritz stabs herself with Adrenaline (“FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!”) and runs to the riverbank (D: “don’t pull a Game of Thrones and put yourself in front of your defensive line” J: “she did just stab herself with adrenaline” F: “you know what, I’m super tempted but I’m remembering the last time Jalan yelled at me for running over his caltrops so I won’t”), half in the water, the bandits run up, some of them getting close, Gregory posts up on the bank, centaur approaches (attacks unleashed!) and jumps across the river...Drant uses his Thorn Whip to slingshot his jump over the river farther than the intended trajectory and directly into Naomi behind Drant, centaur grapples Drant and jumps back over the river but drops drant into the river on his way over
• Round Two
  • Jalan takes a massive crossbow bolt hit to the chest then casts Faerie Fire, Calypso gets a shot off at one of the faerie fired people, Drant fails his check to resist the flow of the rapids and is swept downstream, Naomi takes a shot, adrenaline-hyped Fritz vaults over the river, attacks the centaur’s ankles twice (hits once for minimum damage), then disengages and leaps back over to our side of the river, more people do stuff, armorless Gregory takes an arrow then tries and fails to kill a dude, centaur vaults over the river and attacks Fritz, then runs away behind a tree with his people (she gets an attack of opportunity), crossbow lady crit fails and hits her own teammate
• Round Three
  • Jalan tosses a grappling hook into the water at Drant who catches it, Calypso blaps one of the faerie fired guys near the centaur behind the tree, Drant (just barely out of the water) skirts around Fritz (F: “hi! You’re a little wet” D: “...yehhh”), then double-thorn whips the last faerie fire victim, flinging him right up next to Fritz, Naomi kills a guy, Robin kills a guy, Fritz tries five separate things and only one of them works even using inspiration on one (tase, knock prone x2, attack x1, finally hits with Air in the Bloodstream), Jalan’s mercenaries shoot and barely damage some crossbow people then retreat and cover behind a cart, Drant easily evades some attacks from glow-y boi
  • “I’m an eighth of your size and I’m still beating you up you COWARD-” centaur tries to run but Gregory and Fritz work together to grapple him - flavorfully, Fritz deploys her can’t-move-me-now spikes and grabs onto his tail
• Round Four
  • Terrence yells “WE’RE BEING FLANKED”, Jalan Faerie Fires some more people on the northern bank and bonus action crossbows one, Calypso takes a shot at a faerie fired dude, Naomi attacks and barely hits the same one and kills him (DM: “that’s the second kill Jalan’s girlfriend has stolen”), Fritz intimidates centaur (“wanna play, pony? Can you feel it yet? Your death...it’s halfway to your heart now...can you feel it?”) and attacks but only hits once, Robin runs to join Terrence on the flank, archers on a hill attack people within the pleasure barge (I missed how? Isn’t it a solid box on legs?) and Zavala is unconscious, Jalan’s mercenaries also start to back up to guard the flank, guy who jumped into the river fails miserably to not get swept down river, and then fails so badly at grabbing a rock to drag himself out that he takes a full d10 of damage, Gregory reaches down into the river and impales the guy struggling in the river right next to them, then drops his corpse back into the river, centaur boi raises his greataxes at Fritz but just then...the air bubble hits his heart, and does exactly enough damage to kill him...crazy crossbow lady off in the distance screams in fury and agony and shoots a really impactful shot at Gregory (from her perspective, she thought he dealt the final blow - F: “no! Not my Gregory! Look at the badass little small girl, small girls can have power too!”)
• Round Five
  • Terrence says something and one of the guys runs as fast as he can away, directly through the campfire, Nevermore casts Shield on the Pleasure Barge, Jalan does so much shit - shoots Shooting Stars out of his ring (like Roman candles) and kills somebody, then does Faerie Fire again through his ring, then crossbows and kills somebody else, Calypso shoots and kills another archer, Drant double-thorn whips and pulls one of the flanking guys off a ledge, Naomi steals Drant’s kill, Fritz sprints and jumps back over the river screaming like a banshee, gets up in crazy crossbow lady’s face and says “your centaur friend? I killed him-” then attacks, Robin Helps for whenever Brother Gurp attacks the guy in front of him and tries but fails to shortsword the guy in front of him, the flank guys attack Brother Gurp and bring him close enough to death that he gets his fancy kind of rage...crazy crossbow lady and her minions dance around and attack Fritz, crazy crossbow lady hits her really hard, Brother Gurp attacks but misses, Terrence mega-scares another guy and he runs away, Brother Gurp and Robin get attacks and BG misses bad but Robin gets a really good shot, Alvira stabilizes Isabelle, Nevermore continues Shielding the barge, Vincent casts Death Ward on Marcus
• Round Six
  • Jalan (“Fritz, do you need help? You gonna chase those guys down?” “THEY’RE JUST DANCING AROUND AND SHOOTING ME!” “...I’ll come help you then”) shoots the Faerie Fire’d guy and does a good deal of damage, Calypso shoots the same guy and dash-jumps across the river to Fritz’s side (“I thought you could use a friend” “aw hi”), Drant thorn whips the last archer guy off the cliff above him, Naomi joins Jalan+Calypso with helping Fritz on the north shore and tries to slit one of the dude’s throats but doesn’t quite kill him, Fritz approaches Crazy Crossbow Lady and tases, then hits her twice, one of the archers shoots at nearly-dead Marcus (DM: “they’re routed, if they’re going down they’re taking someone with them-”) but misses, Jalan’s mercenaries circle around and attack the remaining people (Marcus crawls to hide under the pleasure barge), CCL’s people attack, one pleads for their life to Naomi, CCL misses her attack on Fritz, Gregory flanks the remaining two archers between Fishfingers and then Robin and absolutely annihilates them with his intense risk-it-for-the-biscuit rage for Isabelle going down (even though she’s stable he doesn’t know), Brother Gurp approaches the last guy down south and murders him with 54 damage
• Round Seven
  • Jalan does something, Calypso shoots and hits somebody, Drant makes his way up north, Naomi uncharacteristically shows mercy and knocks out the guy who submitted to her, Fritz laughs at and tries to intimidate CCL into dropping her weapon and surrendering, CCL screams “YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MY FACE, DOPPLER!” and throws her crossbow at Fritz’s feet, then pulls out a dagger and literally slicing her own face off, Fritz (who was holding her attack) attempts to wrench the knife from her hands but fails and it ends up slicing deeper before the knife is drops, then she submits with half of her face sliced off

OUT OF COMBAT

• Fritz calls Alvira over to tend to this poor crazy lady who just tried to remove her own face (she bandages it up)
• Jalan is told to tell the DM the next time he takes damage
  • J: “oh no”
  • D: “ha haaaa”
• We get a karma

Plot type

Session

Parent Plot

Act 4: Untitled