Session 39 - Cube Acquired, Toast Expired, Two Inquisitors Join the Fray

Plot points/Scenes

Planning

• Who’s probably going to be at this meeting
• Plan? Why are we even doing this?
  • Refresher: main reason for doing this is so that we can get ahead of the Mechanical Enlightenment realizing that Tsed is MIA, and so we can continue to interrogate him
  • Jalan also postures that the Mechanical Enlightenment are also after us, and it would be super nice if we could get them off of our own backs semi-permanently
    • There’s a bit of discussion of how harsh a retaliation is too harsh - like, we don’t want to go full panic-nuke and draw their attention more, but we don’t want to hit too softly that they’ll just send another group on our tail again
  • We could have Jalan disguise self as Tsed and go into the meeting empty-handed, buying us more time
    • Fritz suggests using Calypso’s contacts and using ‘Tsed’ to claim that he knows where Jarvis is but needs backup to take him - having Tsed’s contacts set up an ambush at a predetermined place
• We ask Calypso about this fancy device with the Inquisition symbol on it
  • It’s a communication device, and not given out lightly - you have to ‘prove yourself to Ragnar’ to get the credentials he’s got for this communication thing, not going to give it to us willingly and he has to be the one to use it
• We continuously forget that Calypso’s here and start blurting out secrets, ultimately tell him to just ‘go stand over there’ while we talk, he’s skeptical, we tell him that he’s been a huge help but there’s bureaucratic red tape about us giving out confidential information to someone not in our immediate crew who hasn’t been vetted for high clearance yet
• We also haven’t had time to investigate the Embassy loot yet - we don’t really have time yet (walking and talking) but Fritz pulls out the box labelled “Millennium Artifact” and tries to open it - it won’t open, it’s like a solid box, no seams - she asks Calypso if he knows what’s inside it, he says he didn’t think anything was inside it, he just thought it was a magic cube
  • Fritz goes nuts at the word “Cube”, starts looking around for something to disintegrate
  • QUANTUM CUBE ACQUIRED
• PLAN
  • Our crew has very different ideas of what we should be trying to accomplish here - characteristically, Fritz wants to come clean and go above the table, Jalan wants to kill witnesses and GTFO
  • Fritz believes we should use the strong governmental connections that Calypso has, and come clean to the government afterwards, because ostensibly we’re on the same side - Roger being weird and evil was working for the Mechanical Enlightenment, not the government, so we are technically on the surface at least on the government’s side
  • Jalan says that’s fucking stupid, we just stole from the government, we can’t/shouldn’t trust the government, we should go in, hit the Mechanical Enlightenment hard, call in Calypso’s reinforcements, kill Calypso, then peace out while the government deals with our problems (killing Calypso as the only witness to our heist - remember, we’re disguised) - the Mechanical Enlightenment will be hit hard enough that they don’t really want to engage with us again for a bit
    • (F: “we only stole it in the first place to keep it out of the wrong hands! We don’t have to lie!” J: “so what are you gonna do when they ask for it back?” F: “maybe give it back to them!” J: *surprised pikachu face*)
  • Compromise!!
    • Fritz agrees, okay, in hindsight, trusting the government implicitly might not be smart, but she still strongly disagrees with Jalan’s preference to kill Calypso then cut and run - because Calypso could be an incredibly helpful ally - he’s worked with the Inquisition before, can call in reinforcements, and get the government off our backs as close to above the table as we’re gonna get for this heist - we won’t have to flee another town, we could theoretically have governmental support against the Mechanical Enlightenment in the future, the list of benefits goes on…
      • She also points out that at this point, the biggest thing that we could get in trouble for is the lie we’ve told (that we’re working for the government, and that there’s treachery within the government) and half of that lie actually turned out to be true and was proven to be true to Calypso by Roger himself
        • We did in fact loot the shit out of the Embassy to keep it out of the wrong hands, and since we’ve proven to Calypso that we can’t exactly trust the government to be the right hands...
    • TLDR, Fritz acquiesces her initial desire to be completely forthright with the government, Jalan acquiesces his initial desire to kill Calypso, we agree to handle this calmly and without panic (hopefully)
• Michael is very confused (twice) about who from our extended party is with us and tries to get some member of our extended party to offer their two cents on something or other, and we patiently explain that no, we didn’t bring the entire Soular Power Caravan on this heist with us, and no, we did not pit stop back at the Caravan house between hitting the Embassy and heading to this meeting, so it’s literally just Fritz+Drant+Jalan+Methos+(Alvira)+Calypso
• THE PLAN
  • Jalan will Disguise Self as Tsed (the rest of us will wait in the wings)
  • We wait for a signal and unleash holy terror upon the people at the meeting, hopefully killing or maiming all of them
  • We leave with Calypso in tow, who explains the situation to the government, keeps us from getting arrested, and hopefully gets the government’s support against the Mechanical Enlightenment for future assaults
• As we approach Sune’s Cave, Drant feels like we’ve been followed the whole time, not sure how we’ve been followed or by who - he notifies the rest of the group

Sune’s Cave

• As we enter the cave, the first thing we see is warm bodies in various states of undress on bedding (asleep)
  • J: “ah, runaway teenager, okay…”
  • F: “....this is Sune’s Cave, makeout point, I don’t think they ran away”
• Jalan goes farther in, disguised as Tsed
• A group of four people hushedly talking in the back of the cave
  • Roger, some guy decked out in giant mech suit (ODST - both Danners groan), lady in long white robe, figure in large black cloak concealing just about everything
  • O: “You’re late”
  • J: “I had some difficulties”
  • O: “I’m in an exceptionally bad mood. Somebody *glares at roger* was unable to keep hold of the prisoner”
  • J: “they must have figured out where the prisoner was because my disguise was compromised...I had to abandon the mission and pull out before I was compromised completely”
• Dude is REALLY truly irreversibly pissed at Roger for his ineptitude, goes off on him for awhile then points and his hand transforms into a cannon - deafening bang, Roger is on the ground, kneecapped and screaming!
  • F: “a man after my own heart”
• J: *goes down on knees* “if you give me one more day I can get what we’re after”
  • O: “I’m not in a hurry. I just cannot tolerate the number of mistakes Roger has made.”
• Lilia - the mage in white robes
  • Sort of heals Roger, the creates a medical/pact-magical splint for Roger, who gets up and is hobbling around - essentially half-speed
• O: “I admire your courage, Tsed, for coming here empty-handed. I am forgiving you this time, but do not make as many mistakes as Roger”
• MIKA - black cloak, ODST tells her to keep an eye on Tsed while he wraps up his mission, make sure he doesn’t do anything too shady
• “You guys can figure out the specifics of how to fix this...I have things to attend to” Throws some sort of beeping device on ceiling, leans on Mika, eerie silence, hole appears in ceiling, OSD guy just flies up through it
• Drant feels someone invisible sneaking past us with blindsight, thorn whips, feminine voice cries out - it’s NAOMI
• Jalan breaks character “Naomi!”
• Roger: “Tsed, where are you going? We haven’t been dismissed”
  • J: “shut up Roger, if I wanted orders from a failure I would’ve asked for it!”
• Roger’s pissed...ROLL INITIATIVE

COMBAT

• Two beings made of shadow, wielding shadow blades, accompanied by shadow puppers, appear at the mouth of the cave
• Lilia goes to Hold Person Jalan, who protests then makes a performance check to convince her that he was only checking on the noise at the mouth of the cave - does bad, but uses inspiration to crit succeed - Lilia turns her Hold Person on Roger instead
• Naomi: “you little bastard!”, then sneak-attack stabs Drant (who whines that she can’t get sneak attack because he has blindsight, but joke’s on Danner, she’s the Inquisitor rogue archetype, love that shit)
  • A bit of argument on how reactions+sneak attack on your turn work, the rules say that reactions interrupt a turn, whether it be your own or someone else’s, but they technically occur on the turn it interrupted, not magically outside of the turn order - so, a rogue can’t get sneak attack on two attacks which they made on their turn just because one of the attacks was a reaction attack
• Methos sees Drant get stabbed and doesn’t want to get similarly fucked, ignores the shadow beings at the entrance and tries to throw a net over Naomi even though she’s invisble, misses terribly
• Drant Thorn Whips, hits and pulls invisi-Naomi backwards
  • DM: “but she’s way over here!”
  • D: “that’s within range, my friend”
  • J: “don’t hurt my waifu”
• Fritz sizes up the shadow people guarding the entrance (they’re guarding it from people who could possibly come in), she assumes they’re the people Drant notified us were following us and are helpful since they didn’t attack earlier, instead holds an action to chuck a Glitter Bomb in case she gets a good bead from Drant on Naomi’s location
• Shadow guards split themselves, create duplicate pair that is now guarding things from leaving the cave...oh
• Jalan: “Lilia, there seems to be intruders, what do we do?”
  • L: “we get out, before they can get us”
  • J: “should we take Roger out so he can’t talk?”
  • L: *considering it, then laughs* “you’re a braver man than I”
  • (F: “but I meannn...tag teaming a paralyzed man, you could totally take him, even she’s gotta know that”)
  • Jalan attacks Roger on the ground, advantage and auto-crit because paralyzed means 63 damage boi, then a bonus action dagger
• Lilia attempts to shocking grasp roger but fails even with advantage...she books it away from him screaming “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY”
  • D: “jesus, he’s paralyzed, chill”
• Shadows at door become less ethereal and more corporeal
  • Also buffer, and wolves turned to dire wolves
  • They “look aggressive”
  • (Everybody: “fuuuuck”
  • (D: “Fritz, maybe instead of doing absolutely fucking nothing you could’ve started taking those guys out”
  • (F: “there was still a chance they were friendly!”
• People sleeping on the bedding wake up and start screaming
• Methos prepares his weapons with poison, then dashes farther into the cave
• Calypso realizes he’s been out of the initiative order the entire time and waits for orders from Fritz
• Drant tries to cast something on Naomi, fails, then moves in front of her
• Mika sees Drant (glowing, casting spells) and attacks, then peaces out - Drant thorn whips as a reaction
• Fritz tries to insight the shadows - doesn’t get a good read, readies herself and tells Calypso to do the same, holding an attack for if they get aggressive
• Shadows facing inwards square up to Fritz/Calypso, eye Fritz up and down (DM: “on a scale of 1-10 how aggressive are you being” F: “not like ‘I’m going to kill you’ aggressive, but ‘don’t fuck with me’” M: “so like a 6 or a 7”), they don’t attack
• Roger gets unparalyzed (DM: “ROGER DEATHBA-” J: “NO!”)
• Jalan attacks Roger with anklet of zephyr strike, misses, Roger attacks back and deals 33 damage (halved by uncanny dodge)
  • F: “I deal 1d8+5 on a hit, guys, what the fuck are we fighting”
  • Then takes a dagger swipe and hits!
• Lilia keeps screaming “I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY” and runs as fast as she can away from Roger
• Naomi crit fails an attack or something and falls prone
• Methos moves forward and blow-darts Mika
• Drant Moonbeam attacks the shadow people
  • F: “Drant. Practically the only thing you have done so far is instigate combat with people who aren’t aggressive toward us”
  • D: “you guys aren’t doing anything! I’m getting impatient.”
  • F: “we are not doing nothing, we have been spending this entire combat ensuring that these guys don’t attack us, and you’re coming in here to tear all of that effort down”
  • And apparently these things are shapeshifters of some kind, and the two caught in the moonbeam flicker back into some ‘horrors from the underworld given form’
  • Everybody who is looking at them has to make wisdom saves or be frightened of their true form, Calypso is terrified
• Mika runs out, takes attacks of opportunity from Drant and Fritz (who tries but fails to grapple)
• Fritz moves behind Mika, tases her, then attacks...and uses her action surge, and kills Mika
• Fritz feels sense of dread and she’s enveloped in shadow, then all of the shadow wolves and the shadow in front of her attack (luckily they’re pretty poor and none hit), then more converge and attack (she uses her shield reaction and only one hit), then more converge and hit, then more converge and hit - she takes a shit ton of damage
  • F: “I hope I die from this and it teaches Drant a lesson”
  • D: “maybe you shouldn’t have stood in my moonbeam”
  • (J&M giggling)
  • F: “that isn’t the fucking problem here-”
• Calypso books it away from the shadows (has to get out of sight of the thing that’s inducing his Fright)
• Lilia “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY”
• Jalan attempts to crossbow Roger and fails “fuuuuuck nOOOOO”
• Naomi stabs Drant in the back (sneak attack oof), then runs toward Jalan (“I’m coming, Jalan!!” J: “my waifu!!”)
• M: “I’m coming, Fritz!!” (F: “please help me”)
  • Chakram attacks, crit fails
  • M: “.....I tried, Fritz!”
• Drant casts Slow over the four shadow things, only one fails
• Fritz tosses her glitter bomb at her feet, makes her own save but all of the shadows fail, cries a little bit and uses second wind
  • (there is a slight verbal tousle over ‘centering’ a 10-foot-cube on an area, DM laughs that Anna’s trying to cheese it by basically making it a 15-foot cube centered on her square but allows it because she’s dying)
• Calypso is still frightened of the shadows and runs, almost runs right into Roger
  • R: *demon voice* “why, hello there”
  • F: “CALYPSO NO”
• Roger recognizes but ignores Calypso (last he checked, they were still technically coworkers), then goes straight for Jalan but misses
• The shadows converge on Fritz but with her shield reaction only two hit
  • F: “I got no more of those left, boys, another round of that and I’m toast”
• Jalan tries to stab Roger but fails twice
• Lilia “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY”, Naomi attempts to stab her in the back but fails, Lilia makes it just past Fritz and up to the door
• Naomi runs up to Jalan, “baby! Are you okay?” J: “there’s a goliath coming after me! Help!” (she goes in for a kiss - DM: “make a perception check” J: “SHE’S GOING FOR MY NECKLACE THAT BITCH”)
  • Fails the perception check, Naomi grabs both necklaces (after protest from Jalan and a wisdom save that says he’s definitely vain enough to wear loud clangy necklaces on a heist)
  • F: “the best thing is, this will not help you see the error in your ways, you will continue to be infuriatingly infatuated with her”
• M: “I’m coming, Fritz!”, actually hits with chakram of venom and kills one shadow, then daggers strike M: “I got you, Fritz”
  • Chase can’t figure out what we’re telling him to roll, DM just rolls a d20 for him and crits against himself
  • DM: “what is this bullshit, I can’t roll for shit but when I’m rolling for you-”
• Drant casts Slow on Naomi and the shadows
• Fritz kills last two shadows, then moves to Lilia near the entrance and attacks (but misses)
• Calypso’s fear inducer is dead, starts running back to Fritz (J: “no! Help meinstead”), he actually listens and turns to attack Roger, hits! Deals like 30 damage on one normal strike!
  • F: “oh my god, everybody but us player characters deal so much damage”
  • Roger drops his shield and retaliates, Calypso’s okay, deals more damage and Roger ‘takes a nap’ (is knocked unconscious)
• Jalan (we rule doesn’t notice his necklaces missing yet), goaded on by the rest of the party runs up to stab the unconscious Roger (Calypso: “what are you doing?”), successfully hits...and Roger is no more
  • DM: “noooo everything went wrooong”
• Lilia tries to misty step, Drant counterspells, she screams “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY” and tries to run, Fritz attempts to grapple as an attack of opportunity and succeeds!
  • L: “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY-”
  • F: “I GOT HER I GOT HER I GOT HER-”
• Methos approaches Fritz and Lilia - chakrams her, (J: “you can roll another d20, see if you get a crit” DM: “want me to roll for you, see if we get the good old natural 20 against myself again?”
• DM rolls another natural 20 on himself
• DM: “WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT”
• DM then rolls for the damage, on the sneak attack crit, Methos rolls only 4 under max damage on the first dice, then DM rolls 10s on both d10s he rolls for Methos’s poison damage
• Methos deals 103 damage with one attack
• DM: “...I’m sorry, you can’t make that nonlethal”
• M: “.....Fritz, I gotchu.”
• Naomi peaces out, Slowed or not
• Out of combat
  • Jalan + Drant give chase, Jalan Faerie Fires, for succinctness they catch her
    • Naomi says she’s scared of Roger, “he’ll kill us!”
    • Jalan explains he killed Roger!
    • She goes in for a hug
    • Drant is skeptical, asks why she showed up in the combat and then just peaced out, Jalan says she must’ve just been there to keep an eye on him! She agrees
    • She tosses the necklaces on the ground (Drant notices but Jalan doesn’t), just in time for Jalan to notice that they’re not around his neck and for Naomi to say “oh, those?” and point innocently at the ground, Drant and Jalan scream at each other about what her intentions actually are, Jalan screams that they actually love each other and are meant to be together
  • While Drant/Jalan chase down Naomi and have a screaming match, Fritz stashes the Quantum cube with the rest of her millennium artifacts, then begins to loot
    • Mika: +1 dagger of sharpness (given to Methos, who’s helping her loot), standard rogue clothes, small encoded documents
    • Lilia: component pouch, standard spell focus, more small encoded documents, fancy white robes (incredibly blood stained [DM: “so probably not worth a lot” F: “bitch I know how to clean out blood, watch me make some cash”])
    • Roger: greatsword of the inheritor (2-hand 3d6, 1-hand 2d6), inheritor full plate (DM won’t tell us what they do yet, except that the plate looks like normal full plate - we decide we’ll probably hand these down to Gregory after we investigate a bit more)
  • Calypso and Fritz - Fritz briefs him about Naomi, that Jalan’s infatuated and we’ve sort of got beef
  • Drant comes back before Jalan/Naomi
    • Drant and Thorn Whipping Roger’s body closer to the entrance “so we can look at it” - Calypso is aghast, says it’s incredibly disrespectful and now he and Drant start yelling at each other, Fritz defuses slightly, Calypso declares that he’s going to bury Roger and hold a small funeral out of respect
    • Drant telling Fritz about Naomi being shady with Jalan and the necklaces, she totally believes it
  • Naomi and Jalan return
    • J: “guess what! She’s coming with us!”
    • N: “isn’t that so exciting?!”
    • F: “hoo-fucking-ray.”
  • Funeral for Roger
    • Calypso digs hole, Viking style funeral pyre, sticks of pyre holding Roger over grave during eulogy, when the sticks break and the body falls the eulogy is solemnly concluded
    • Headstone: “Live by the toast, die by the toast. Now he is toast (not the soggy kind)”, birth and death date replaced with 1:53 (perfect amount of time to toast toast according to Roger)
    • While the funeral was happening outside, Jalan “learned a little more about Sune’s Cave”
      • J: “okay.”
      • ……
      • J: “oh, are you saying that me and Naomi-”
      • D: “yes, he is”
  • Calypso says that he is sad that something corrupted Roger this way, that he could’ve been a good man...and promises to work with us until we find the root of the evil that turned Roger away from Ragnar and pull it out
    • F: “It’s been an honor to fight alongside someone as valiant as yourself, and I’d be honored to do it again”
    • ...but we’re still in goblin+orc disguises, we break it to Calypso that we had to put on disguises so that worst case scenario we wouldn’t be recognized inside the Embassy, un-disguise ourselves, he’s chill
    • Calypso describes Roger in detail (apparently he's something like a 50th generation clone of Ragnar...like a Simulacrum of a Simulacrum of a Simulacrum or something, so he was made from Ragnar but is very far removed all told)
      • D: “ooohhhhhh that explains a lot”
      • J: “but he’s a goliath too, that’s interesting”
      • F: “is there some alternate timeline where Ragnar had kids with Bigs or something”
      • M: *immediately triggered* “get Bigs the fuck out of here, oh my god fuck Bigs-”
      • F: “oh shit, I forgot you had beef with Bigs”
      • M: “he ate me-”
  • Smoothing things over with the government
    • Calypso gives us a couple options, we could send in one of our own approximately Roger’s build (Gregory!) into the Embassy to cover for him, we decide to instead send Calypso in since he knows the intricacies of the Embassy/government much better
    • Calypso leaves for two days, tells us not to leave the house in the meantime, still disguised as Roger, practices casting Minor Illusion with his hand until he’s got the voice down
    • He's essentially going to masquerade as Roger in order to smooth things over from the inside, and make Roger's imminent disappearance not suspicious
    • When he returns, he tells us he's told his own family that he has to go away on a mission now, and has cut all ties so that he is free to leave town with us whenever we decide
    • This takes 2 days, we decide to stay for the extra 3 days necessary to make it a long rest
  • Long rest
    • Jalan and Naomi have a honeymoon of sorts
    • Fritz+Gregory talk Naomi
    • Embassy Loot
      • Potion of Pass without Trace (50 gp)
      • Potion of Shield of Faith (+3) (300 gp)
      • Arcane Scroll (Flare (12 gp 5 sp), Blindness/Deafness (150 gp), Flaming Sphere (150 gp)) (total 312 gp 5 sp)
      • Arcane Scroll (Command Undead (150 gp)) (total 150 gp)
      • Helm of Comprehend Spoken Languages (5200 gp)
      • Oil of Magic Stone (50 gp)
      • Potion of Endure Elements (50 gp)
      • Potion of Cure Light Wounds (50 gp)
      • Bracers of Defenselessness (1200 gp)
      • Potion of Hide from Undead (50 gp)
      • Ring of Shooting Stars

Plot type

Session

Parent Plot

Act 4: Untitled