Found

I began today unsure of who I was or what my purpose was. I had watched a companion and close friend perish, and then rise again, seemingly by my hand. The white stag whom we had encountered but a few days earlier was an embodiment of the divine power of The Eternal Flame and used me as a conduit for that power. It was a harrowing and exhilarating experience. I felt more alive than ever. More than pulling pranks on father with Oopha. More than marathon drinking sessions with friends at seminary. More than striking out on my own wearing my vestments for the first time and making my own way with no one making decisions for me about what I should be doing or where I should be. I felt full of the very essence of life itself. Afterwards, I began to question everything. Whether I was worthy, what was the purpose of the divine entity we all worship. Whether He had even just wound up the world and left it to its own devices. During this time, I witnessed Arc dealing with his own grief as well, as he coped with what it meant to be "sentient" or "have feelings". I grew bitter and angry at the rashness and recklessness of my companions. Arc, purporting to be a being of logic and intellect, rushing off emotionally. Rerae, seemingly so careful except at the very times discretion was needed most. Rankle, who seems to be on his own agenda most of the time, and only sharing that as he sees fit. Barg is an enigma, seemingly only interested in the loot we find, but continuing to travel with us in spite of the recent pitfalls. And Never, the best of us, struggling with the confidence to see the good she brings to this world. I struggled, and railed and prayed. I could not let go of the angst, the hurt, and the bitterness I felt. It just felt as if we had been abandoned!
 
During this time, we came across a curious rock that had fallen from the sky in hill of some ankhegs. After fighting off some boars with glowing rocks stuck in them, and Rerae trying to stab us with one, we figured out that the creatures were being controlled by them. We found where the rock had landed and were assaulted by some ankhegs with the same glowing crystal. After killing one the rest fled back into their tunnels. We descended as well to see what the source of these crystals causing such madness was. While exploring we came upon the husband of the mage that had been killed by the boars previously. Rankle successfully removed the crystal from his arm, but he was devastated by the loss of his husband and just stayed in the dark pit, sobbing. He seemed not interested in our aid or succor at that point. Another example, I thought, of the pointlessness of hope. Everything ends in despair. Recklessly I approached the large rock as it "calved" crystals that would allow us to enter it and travel to the lower tunnels. There we encountered more ankhegs controlled by this "mindshard", as well as the crystal itself. It was a close thing, but once again I was able to help us hold on long enough that we were able to destroy it and drive off the ankhegs. There was a large shard of the crystal left behind that seems to have magical properties. Rankle thought it might be of use to him, but seemed too large and unwieldy, so Never carries it for now.
 
As we started our journey back to more civilized locales, I continued to pray and ponder. I began to realize there was much work to be done. In spite of my failings and inadequacies, I was able to ensure our health during trials such as the anthill, and even during other encounters such as with the devils previously. I thought maybe that the Flame HAD abandoned the world, and it would be up to each of us to find our own light. But that frightened and confused me. I had been filled with its divine power, so surely all was not lost. That evening I glimpsed the Guide for the first time. And I resolved that evening, that should we make it back to New Stone Chimney, I would endeavor to accomplish two things. The founding of an order of hospitallers, the Order of the Argent Hart, for if the Eternal Flame had abandoned us to the Encroaching darkness, then we would need all the aid we could muster for the dark times ahead. I also resolved that Never would be recognized by our community for the bravery and strong deeds she had accomplished. To stand against a dragon alone was unprecedented. But to be recognized by the drakewardens, and accepted into their ranks was high honor indeed. I wanted to make sure she knew that we all believed in her.
 
As we approached new stone chimney I was approached by the priest of our parish, Qwinn. He saw my troubled visage and bade me enter the chapel. As I approached the sanctuary, I removed my armor and accoutrements of battle and approached the dias to pray. I will not share what came after, as I am not sure that it is something to share. But I arose renewed in my purpose and emboldened in my mission. The Flame had not abandoned us but continued to burn ever bright! I knew that the Order of the Argent Hart would be needed to care for the sick, the injured and the needy as the possibility of a new cataclysm approaches, as has always been heralded before by the appearance of the Guide. I arise, renewed, to face the trials that await us as the fate of not only Stonebriarshire, and Enrgrabiq, nor even just Rovin, but the entire multiverse has been laid before us. We shall not fail, because we cannot! We dare not! And by the Light of the Everalasting Flame we will not! Because I will not let us!