Ruminations (and Illuminations)

Time. TIME. time. It has been much on my mind as of late with the strange communal lucid dreams. And another near brush with death for my companions and me. I can't help but wonder about the Guide. Where does he come from. When does he come from. Who were his people. What is his purpose. I pose these as statements more than questions at the moment. I have been granted access to the library for 5 days and fully intend to take advantage of the time. There is that word again. Time. Is there ever enough? Is 5 days enough to find out what I need? Is a lifetime enough to accomplish what it seems we must do. Will we learn what the Guide and his people did to cause such recurring cataclysms? Will we be able how to find out how to correct the mistake? So many questions. So many without answers. And so little time. Always it comes back to that question of time. And if our fates are not threaded to the weave of the multiverse, will we just continue to be reborn and start the cycle anew, each age flowing circularly and always coming back to that great cataclysm we have been unable to prevent. It was curious to see myself as another incarnation as I feel that I may have broken free this time. I am more directly connected to the divine essence that shapes this world at least. It seems that previous versions of me have tried to overcome this cataclysm by arcane means. And were unsuccessful. Everything feels very strange and so very far away. I am definitely not the man child I was at the start of this. Sometimes I am not sure who I am any more. People seem in awe and frequently a little off put by the intensity of the Everlasting Flame growing inside of me. They seem eager for me to accomplish some great thing, but can neither illuminate me on what that great thing may be nor once aware of that greatness, be completely comfortable in my presence. For my part I have asked for none of this, but having been set on this path feel beholden to walk it. I have been given a gift to heal and aid the woes of others and feel remiss to wile away my days in prank and drink any longer. I feel the tug of purpose with in me. I have been told now that I am "outside" of the church. I still feel the light of the Flame within, but am free to follow it as it guides me rather than the precedent of those priests and prophets before me. I am "unprecedented". Why then... do I feel small. And out of time...
 
I really should write to Oopha. I am sure she worries and misses me terribly. Perhaps when next I have time for pen and parchment.