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Uktar 17, 1492

Anger

by Keth Ravenwood

Well I finally had the confrontation with Gorthok I’ve been looking for. We killed it. Kind of. Not really. Sent it back to its plane or whatever so it can be summoned again. It’s so… frustrating. Ever since I saw Mom again and found an actual lead against Talos and her murderers I’ve been so angry. I thought that killing the lightning pig, getting revenge and justice and closure would help but of course I can’t even get that. One more thing Talos has taken away from me.
 
I know I should listen to Eethyl and focus on the cultists who summoned it. And I will, they need to be killed and Talos needs to be stopped, but it just seems so much more… I don’t know. Abstract? It doesn’t seem like Mom was a target or anything when they summoned the pig. And they will pay for the role they had in her death, I’ll make sure of that, but… I don’t know. I’m just not sure that I will feel the same way after killing the cultists that I was hoping I would once the pig was dead.
 
And I need to do something to change; I know I’ve been angry and distracted recently. I’ve been acting distant and reckless which isn’t fair to the others. But more than that I’ve just been so… angry. I remember when I killed other orcs for the first time at the shrine that I felt… well not sad exactly because they were murderers and cannibals and assholes, but… like melancholic. I know how hard it is to fight against the rage in our blood and how society would've treated them if they had tried to live a different life. And also… I mean, she said he was dead, but I couldn’t helping looking at each one and wondering if I’d just killed my father. But today I didn’t think any of that. I killed so many orcs and half-orcs without even a second thought. I enjoyed it actually, because they served Talos and fuck him.
 
This isn’t the kind of person Mom would want me to be. This isn’t the kind of person I want to be. I want to be good. But… I’m just so angry. My mom is dead. And if there isn’t a way to fix everything or make it all okay then… how else am I supposed to keep going?

Continue reading...

  1. Introductions and Farewells
    Marpenoth 29, 1492
  2. Even More Introductions
    Marpenoth 30, 1492
  3. One Long Series of Awkward Conversations
    Uktar 1, 1492
  4. Strengths and Weaknesses
    Uktar 2, 1492 - day
  5. A Whole Bunch of Combat
    Uktar 2, 1492 - night
  6. A Giant Ancient Underground Ghost City
    Uktar 3, 1492 - part 1
  7. Into the Necropolis
    Uktar 3, 1492 - part 2
  8. A Last Goodbye
    Marpenoth 26, 1492
  9. Answers
    Uktar 3, 1492 - part 3
  10. Homesick
    Uktar 4-6, 1492
  11. An Even Wholer Bunch of Combat
    Uktar 6, 1492
  12. Important Leadershipy Things
    Uktar 7, 1492
  13. A Whole Bunch of Combat 2: Electric Boogaloo
    Uktar 8, 1492 - part 1
  14. Trust and Confusion
    Uktar 8, 1492 - part 2
  15. A Night Alone
    Uktar 13, 1492
  16. Anger
    Uktar 17, 1492
  17. Closure
    Uktar 23, 1492