Important Leadershipy Things

Well, the conversation with Flicker went pretty well. I’m not sure that I really convinced her to be more trusting and open, but at least I let her know that I’ve got her back and stuff. So overall a moderate success, which is all I can really hope for as far as Important Leadershipy Conversations go. She did seem more gentle with Eethyl after he came back from… wherever, so that’s something.
 
She asked me about what my Personal Goals are, which like… yeah not sure, but I did show her Mom’s book. I told her I’ve been too busy to show it to anyone else, which is… not really the truth. I’ve been kind of worried that showing it to someone else, telling them about it would make it less… mine? Like it’s my last connection to her and sharing it with someone would take that away. But… it was actually kind of nice; talking about it made me feel closer to her in a different way. Flicker was right, I need to make finding out about the book and Mom more of a priority.
 
Then I just… left Tibor there with the owlbear. Was that the right thing to do? It was his choice to make and it seemed like he understood the gravity of it, but should I have had us stay and defend him? Owlbears are dangerous and it seemed like an unnecessary risk, especially with everything we’ve already got on our plate. But is that what a good person would do? Defend someone even if it was dangerous and risky and stupid to stay? Even if the person might not actually be in danger and is there because of their own bad decisions? Is that what Mom would have done? I’m so bad at all this leader good person stuff.
 
…
 
Well, centaur guy brought another person to join the group. She seems very… Secretive? Quiet? Unsociable? Which means Flicker will either really like her or think she’s super annoying. Probably the opposite of however Eethyl feels just for consistency and maximum awkward tension. But she seems okay. And we really could use the help. Plus, it would be nice to have another person on the frontlines with me again.
 
It’s just that… after everything with Canarie, and even with Fortune and Damaia… we need to be sure that we can trust each other. And Flicker was looking to me to decide whether Amarille can stay, which is crazy! I mean, letting me choose which quest to take or path to travel is one thing, but deciding who can join the group? I honestly don’t even think that is the kind of decision that should be made by just one person. But at the same time... I am responsible for protecting the others. And Amarille too if she decides to join us. I just… I need to be smart about this. Careful. An actually good leader.
 
Xanth was being all… right next to Flicker again, but Sef made him go away super tactfully. Or more tactfully than I would have managed at least. Maybe she will end up being a super good talky conflict resolvey person and fix all of our problems after all. She also mentioned that she had lost some of her powers or something, which is… worrying. I mean, god magic is super weird normally and being inside the Shard probably made it extra super weird, but still… I should try and keep an eye on her.
 
Also, Eethyl tried to get us to do some sort of icebreaker thing, which is a good idea but bad timing. New girl seems okay, but I’m not sure I’m ready to fully open up to her all the way like that. And that’s me, so Flicker definitely won’t be into it. Not to mention that Amarille is pretty sparing with the personal details herself. Maybe I’ll bring it up again in a few days once we’ve all had a better chance to acclimate.