Personal Log: Stardate 15520.7

Today was weird. Yesterday I was surprised when Liv told me that I'd have a disciplinary hearing the NEXT DAY to decide what punishments I get for Bingo, Foxing, and everything else. Then, while I'm working hard to not think about it, everyone made it their personal mission to come remind me about how severely fucked I am. Literally everyone came, Vash, Liv, Emma, Plea-deal, Sorra, even Waterman found time to come see me. Today I learned that it's incredibly difficult to complete a rotation of the isolinear cores while everyone keeps coming over and talking to me.
 
Still...
 
I dunno, it's weird. Everyone came to give me weird advice and wish me luck. Which is SUPER AWKWARD since half of them are prosecuting and/or judging me. And who designed this fucked up system anyway where all my friends have to prosecute me? Like, some Admiral is laughing his sadistic ass off thinking of all the awkward moments he's creating...
 
But still, it was nice to know everyone still cared what happened... even though they really shouldn't. After everything I've done, I really don't deserve friends like these. It just makes me feel worse because they're all such good people and I fucked things up so much and they're still standing by me even after all of this. And I can't...
 
I....
 
*Deep breath*
 
It was a nice gesture at any rate. More than I expected.
 
Today we had the actual trial. I was expecting to plead guilty to everything and move on, but Vash convinced me to at least explain myself. I'm pretty sure the actual trial was recorded, so if you want a play-by-play go find that one. But in summary, I was guilty of Sexual Harassment (which I deserve), Electra Bingo, Inciting Reckless Endangerment, and Inciting Sexual Harassment (of Connors). I was ALSO voted guilty of Illicit Gambling which is BULLSHIT! I NEVER GAMBLED ON THIS SHIP EXCEPT FOR THE ONE TIME WITH THE LT! And that was basically sanctioned. Honestly, I deserved the rest but this one, so not fair.
 
But that being said, I did get off WAY easier than I would have at a military tribunal, and they took my motivations into account when considering what should be done. I need to write 3 apologies, serve 150 hours in medical (out of my free time), serve an extra 3 whole days in medical helping out, write a ship notification about the dangers of Electra Bingo, and I can't be promoted until we get home (and no leadership positions for a few months). Honestly, fair. It's not like I was being put in leadership positions anyways, but it kinda sucks to know that my all my peers and Sorra think that I'm too immature to handle it.
 
God I've made such a mess of things.