Session Nine

Hey great news I found my character sheet! Also I'm level THREE now and I got TEN new hit points and SECOND LEVEL SPELLS and I replaced Beguiling Influence with Mask of Many Faces and I'm COOL NOW.
 
COOL DREAM AND THE SPHINX GIVES ME NEW POWERS told you I'm cool now.
 
OH NO I FORGOT ABOUT THIS I GET MY RADIANT CONSUMPSION AH FUUUCK
Stay focused this will not be easy it will not be painless but you can learn to control it. Focus and learn.
 
Wake up, show off Disguise Self - look like Sagball. Play around with it a bit, test the limits. Confirm that the dragon and the red circle will kill us.
Ons fucks off, and we're gonna head out to face Belak. I think the plan is for me to go in first looking like Sagball.
First though, let's have a look at this dragon statue thingy.
Runes say "let the sorcerous power illuminate my spirit" Not sure what that means.
Arcana revealed that if I speak the words, something might happen. Not sure which words. Okay. We'll come back to this.
 
Sagball's body hasn't been moved far as I can tell. Wearing her hat and wielding her scythe I'll press on.
Stealth at the long corridor. Listen at the door, don't hear anything. Disguise Self to look like Sagball, and step into the room.
Twigs and roots piled on the floor. Collapsed southern wall opens into a vast cavern, where I see a Twilight Grove of briars, saplings, and plants. Ruined walls and hollow towers protrude from the briars. Door on the north wall.
Don't feel comfortable having a door at our back, so go first into the north room.
 
Never mind it is locked.
 
We'll hide at the edge of the collapsed wall, and peek into the Grove. These trees all look like they should be dead. White, twisted, stunted. I'll walk in. It's prickly underfoot, have to move slowly.
In the distance I spot black branches reaching above the rest. Between me and there a sea of brambles and briars, and at least a handful of small moving figures creeping through - twig blights.
Call the Bois closer in.
OH MAN I REALLY DON'T WANNA REVEAL MYSELF BY FIGHTING JUST YET.
I try to lure them up to me with Minor Illusion and it kind of works but then I trip and fall and they come for ME so it's fight time.
Mind Sliver for 1 point, classiiiiic.
Ah fuck I'm taking STUPID damage already!
Two hit me, Erky fails to hit one, Meepo comes to Fuck Shit Up, and he DOES.
And he DOES AGAIN.
I abandon him.
NO MEEPO GETS HIT AND LOSES FIVE HIT POINTS WHICH IS HALF HIS HIT POINTS FUCK I'M A TERRIBLE FRIEND
It's okay he killed it. He's amazing.
Okay fine let's just go in.
 
Further in, come to a walled clearing, 20ft high walls. Several plants grow round the perimeter including a few suspicious looking saplings, and the Big Tree is at the centre. An evil, blackened, twisted limbs reach upwards like a skeletal hand. There's a few twig blights, a heavily armoured human male with a shield and a sword, a blonde young woman, and a bearded human male with a staff and a sickle. The humans have black eyes and grey skin the texture of bark.
 
OKAY WE'RE GOING BALLSY. Just step out. And say, "Well that's mighty impressive, is that the one that makes all the apples?"
"Isn't she a wonder?"
"Must have taken a lot of care to produce such a specimen"
Things are a bit tense, I've got my buddies and he's got his...such as they are.
Have a chat, he's batshit crazy, he thinks he's the father of a new race. The humans are under his control.
 
Long ago someone staked a vampire. The stake grew into the Gulthias tree.
Talk some bullshit about wanting to get free from Cathock. Belak says I can surrender myself to the Gulthias tree.
The girl doesn't react at all to her brother's ring.
 
"You know what Belak, anyone who claims to be a higher power is full of shit. You forge your own way in life"
UNLEASH RADIANT CONSUMPTION WITHIN ME.
LET'S FUCKING GO
 
Radiant damage around me.
Belak casts Barkskin, and commands his minions to "kill them"
Twiggies are COMING FOR ME.
Sharwyn casts Ray of Frost and misses! Wooo.
Meepo hits the fighter.
I cast Mirror Image, hit the girl with Loremaster, and push past the twiggies to get up and close with Belak.
Bankroft casts Sanctuary on me, and I'm now basically unhittable.
I GOT HIT AND NOW I'M DYING.
 
ERKY BROUGHT ME BACK UP
Belak uses Wand of Entangle on Erky and Bankroft, neither of them make it. He steps away from me, I miss the attack of opportunity.
Twig goes for Meepo, hits him for 3. He's on 2 HP now.
Another Twig goes for me, hits, I'm nearly down AGAIN.
The girl casts Sleep. We all fall asleep, and then at the END of my turn, I wake everyone up with my radiant consumption damage. Twigs are all gone at least.
Bankroft hits the enemy spellcasters with Silence.
Bradford misses me (gets past the other two rolls though!)
Erky casts Spiritual Weapon and BRADFORD IS DOWN.
 
QUICK CHEESECAKE BREAK AND WE'REBACK
 
Belak casts Cure Wounds on himself. What a selfish dick, not targeting the girl. (In an alternate timeline he cast it on her you see, but that never happened)
A BIG FROG BOI HOPS DOWN FROM THE FUCKING TREE.
Ahhhh shit.
OH HE'S GOING FOR ERKY
OH FUCK ERKY
 
Sharwyn targets me with Ray of Frost and MISSES me. Wait never mind she can't talk.
Wait neither can Belak. REWIND TIME AGAIN.
His spell failed but he drank a healing potion instead.
Sharwyn tried to cast, can't, won't try that again. She'll throw a KNIFE AT MEEPO NO
OH THANK FUCK SHE MISSES.
 
I'm gonna drink a healing potion. Gain 8 HP.
Cast Armor of Agathys, gain 10 temporary HP.
I'M CAKED IN ICE AND THERE'S FIRE COMING OUT OF IT.
 
Bankroft breaks out of Entangle!! BOIIII.
What. A. Boi.
Erky targets the fucking frog with his Spiritual Weapon and I mean, Fair Enough.
Belak tries to hit me and can't.
ERKY GETS SWALLOWED. He's no longer Entangled, he' s just Swallowed.
 
Sharwyn doesn't even have her dagger anymore!! ONE DAGGER BTICH LMAO.
Can't throw it at me, goes for Bankroft instead, hits him for 6.
I cast Disguise Self to look like Belak - healthier, happier. I roll shit on my Intimidation though so that was kind of a waste.
Broke Entangle concentration though!
BANKROFT INVOKES RADIANCE OF THE DAWN.
THEY ALL FAIL THEIR SAVES.
13 points of Radiant damage anndddd....
SHARWYN IS DOWN
Erky is in a frog.
Belak circles around the tree and suddenly can hear his own breathing.
 
BIG FROG BITE BANKROFT THE CLERICS ARE GETTING HURT
WE NEED MEEPO BACK
Pump 3HP into Meepo - he back at 5 HP now!
Then pin Belak against the tree.
 
Bankroft moves to Flank the Frog with Meepo.
Belak uses 2nd level Cure Wounds, and Shout to his Frog.
Frog tries to leave, Meepo hits with OA. 9 piercing damage. Tries to bite me, MISSES.
MEEPO COMES UP AND STABS THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF THIS FROG.
I can't get Erky out a frog. But I can INTIMIDATE NAT 20 BELAK. "Look around you mate. Everything you've worked for is burning to ash. It doesn't have to end like this."
Bankroft brings Erky out the frog!
Erky casts Sacred Flame at Belak! Erky hits him with his sacred weapon!
AND WE BEAT HIM WOOOOO.
 
Then I Stab the Gulthias Tree, with my Radiant Consumption flowing through me.
Oh shit it's working, the branches are turning to dust and dying.
I see a red cyst, and pull out an almost-completely-ripe apple-like fruit, with a reddish hue.
Then Erky smashes the shit out of it, and then we burn it.
 
NEXT TIME I'm gonna want to check if everyone is dead; check if the two zombie guys have become human now that Belak is gone, check if the twig blights are still active, what's happened to the foliage, and then just like, spend some time exploring. Get all the loot. Take Sharwyn's body back to her mum. Go home.
 
And wow. What a battle.