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Thu 8th Dec 2022 06:38

Am I losing?

by Maelie Arsenault

Victor… why had she called him that back there?
 
Maelie was better than that, she was careful with her words, and afterwards she had even recovered well. But it wasn’t enough, the words were said, and she was left to deal with it. She was an expert liar, always careful with truths. So why the slip this time?
 
She thought about him, about their meetings, the careful words, but just then she had just wanted to be closer. She wanted to share things with him, enjoy moments together with friends, and just be with him.
 
Victor and Maelie, names in private, in whispers, in bed. Not in public. Not in company. It wasn’t that kind of relationship.
 
Right?
 
Victor had this sense of secrecy and danger about him. It intrigued her, the flirting and games contrasted to his attentive kindness and care. She rarely knew what to expect and she wanted to throw herself into the game. But this one… she was feeling like she was going to lose before she figured out what the rules were.
 
He had been embarrassed. Kept quiet. Confirmed nothing.
 
Victor…no, Sir Orsei had goals, a future he wouldn’t speak of. A sister to care for. A father to spite. All the while, considering his place and responsibilities. When he had spoken of the people who depended on his family, the people he wanted to be a good patron to. Dreams. Dreams that depended on privileges and reputations. He had said he wouldn’t turn her away in the future…but he didn’t know it was all a life that she did not fit.
 
Thief, criminal, swindler, scoundrel.
 
Consciously thinking about her profession never brought feelings of shame, but it did remind her why she did it. The reason she had such a passion for living outside the law was because with each theft she was one step further away from her mother.
 
She understood having a parent you could never please. One who heaped equal parts duty and disdain upon the shoulders of their own children. She had escaped that life entirely long ago. Her mother had passed, and she had absorbed the news with indifference. She lived her life now as free as the birds in the sky thanks to her adoptive aunt and uncle.
 
But still, her shadow loomed. Behind every responsibility. Every noble she met. Every action performed out of duty. She saw her mother and she ran from it.
 
She had run from it when Cardinal had insisted on their differences. And the same when Sir Orsei had refused to tell her his dreams. The fear that speaking them would see them crushed by someone else. The shadow that loomed behind him ready to snuff out any secret joy he found and his resignation to it made something inside her scream. Because she knew she could never be happy in a life so restrained and dutiful. The scar on her chest was a reminder of the life she had escaped. He needed someone else, he would find them, and it was with them that he would share those moments. Not her.
 
So why? Why had he reached out? Why had he reached for her hand? Why had she let him take it?
It is getting harder and harder to run away.
 
She didn’t know the rules.
The stakes confused her.
And she didn’t know when to quit. Or if she even could.

Continue reading...

  1. The Last Rule
    November 27th, 1882, - Novandria
  2. The Den
  3. Am I losing?
  4. A Close Call
  5. Plans
  6. New Toys
  7. Mistakes were made
  8. Too close to home
  9. Not like you.
  10. This City is Mine.
    February 6th, 1883
  11. Aimless?
    March 5, 1883 - Novandria
  12. The Game Begins
    February 13th, 1883
  13. Too much like You
    March 13, 1883
  14. Safer in Shadows
    April 3, 1883
  15. New Beginnings
    April 7th, 1883
  16. Ready to Run
    April 17th, 1883
  17. Home
    April 25, 1883
  18. Can you steal a heart?
    May 8th, 1883
  19. Trouble
    11th of May, 1883
  20. Heartbreak
    14th of May, 1883
  21. Hunter or Prey?
    16th of May, 1883
  22. Guilt
    19th of May, 1883
  23. Untrustworthy
    21st of May, 1883
  24. Why am I like this?
    25th of May, 1883
  25. Worthy
    8th of June, 1883
  26. The One She Left Behind
    13th June, 1883
  27. Annnd it's back...
    July 1st, 1883
  28. Learning to Fly
    July 4th, 1883
  29. Thrill of the Hunt
    July 29th, 1883
  30. From the Embers
    21st of August, 1883 // 1867
  31. Mother Knows Best
    16th of September, 1883
  32. A Snake, a Star, and a Fox
    25th of September, 1883, Novandria
  33. It wasn't him.
    28th of September, 1883, Novandria
  34. The New Blade
    13th of September, 1883
  35. Something Good
    October 31, 1883 - Novandria
  36. The wound that won't close
    18th of December, 1883 - Novandria
  37. Promise
    25th of December, 1883 - Novandria
  38. Fallen through the cracks
    6th of January, 1884 - Novandria
  39. Day to Night
    7th of January, 1884
  40. What's Left to the Shadows
    22nd of January, 1884, Novandria
  41. The World without Colour
    18th of February, 1884, Bellancourt, Montaigne,
  42. Seventeen Roofs
    26th of February, Novandria, Eisen
  43. Crossing the Board
    4th of March, 1884, Novandria, Eisen
  44. New Freedom
    May 4th, 1884
  45. Saved
    5th of May, 1884/16th of July, 1858

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by 3 Armored Kittens · Prodromos v.1.1 - World Anvil 0.9.15.042 © 2017-2024 [en] | Anvil Time: 01:07, Nov 15 2024