OOPS OOPS OOPS OOPS OOPS

It is dawn. I am awake. For the first time since my pact with Him I slept the whole night through with no interruptions. Not only did I not awaken but I did not see His visions like I usually do- they were in my peripheral, cloudy and barely visible. I was anxious after the events of the day that I would be plagued with something worse than even I was used to, but somehow Damiel's strange little potion helped me to sleep so deeply that it is like my mind was blanked out entirely. It almost concerns me that Damiel has the kind of magic in his pocket that can ward off even the visions of Cthulhu from disturbing my sleep...
 
I think He is... upset. There is a buzzing in my brain, something cold that makes my neck feel stiff. I think He is giving me the silent treatment. There were undoubtedly things that He wanted me to see- there always is- but tonight I could not bear it after the events of the day. So He is mad at me. And I am laying in the sunrise, in the grass, under Bell's tree, feeling like my head has been hollowed out. It does not seem to be a side effect of Damiel's potion.
 
Damiel... concerns me. Is that the right word? Is it strong enough? Probably not. There's something to be said about an elf who is still so obviously infatuated with his home land yet is not THERE. Like he is such a fuckhead about everyone who is not an elf. He hates all of us. So why does he not just GO HOME? Ramaia postures that he cannot. She said the word 'banishment' and Damiel got all... fucking weird. I left before I had to watch her get shanked (which she did not, for now). And our conversation we had so long ago, when we had barely known each other... he has hurt others. Not just, others, you know, like... he has hurt someone he cared about. Or who cared about him. With that knowledge, how can I trust him? Or even respect him? Maybe he did not mean to. But that does not make it any less... despicable. If you truly care for someone you do not bring them harm, in any manner. Otherwise you are just a bully and a pig. A FUCKHEAD.
 
He could hurt any of us and not care. He nearly killed Bell, and would not have cared if she died. Granted... she does not make it easy for him to like her. Something strange is brewing between them that keeps happening entirely in Elvish. Annoying.
 
But even if he began to like any of us... Like Ramaia. They... talk. In private. Late at night. They did in Tanner's Folly, for sure, for awhile... and she did not end up drinking poison like Bell did. So I guess things went well between them, as well as things can go with Damiel. And she wants to KNOW him. She wants to know what is 'up' with him. And she does not seem to ask that about the rest of us, right? Maybe Bell. But she has never probed at me or Glo or Hail the way she has probed at Damiel. So it is almost like she might care about him. But would he care about her enough to not hurt her... or to hurt her and then regret it?
 
He is probably up and awake right now. I need to report my results to him, but I am not sure if they will be satisfactory to him. Like he said... there is no accounting for Cthulhu.
 
Bell is still in the tree above me, I think. She is having so many issues. She is kind of an issue by herself. I understand it, somehow. The situation was hectic today but somewhere in it I had to get her to stop crying in a ditch. And I just felt bad for her. She has been hurt by someone who was supposed to love her.
 
Motherfuck I am thinking about yesterday. Children died. That was so fucked up, children died. I am more angry at those townspeople, is that bad? Like why did they not protect their own fucking children????? Why did their famed architect get fucking cursed like an asshole??? Upsetting. UPSETTING.
 
Oh. I do not feel well enough to get all worked up... actually I feel like shit. I could tell Damiel the truth and say that my symptoms are Cthulhu-based... or I could mess with him and tell him his potion is a piece of shit. Hehe.