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Always Too Much
“I didn’t say that, m’lady.”
“Was there something I could help you with Lady Jaeger?”
“I got to go check on the kids.”
"I suppose you will run off to tell Lady Blackthorne?"
Uncomfortable shifting, pained expressions, silent stares, quick exits.
How could she have been so stupid? Friendships weren’t for people like her. No matter how she tried, she would always be too much. Too opinionated. Too brash. Too noble. Too weird. It had been a nice couple of months, spending time with people whose company she enjoyed. Imagining friendships where none really lay. In the end, she would always say or do the wrong thing, and someone would get hurt. Fix, Cardinal, Nel. She couldn’t even manage to wish people well without creating problems. She should have known her place.
“It is why we have the rules we do, Margarete. They protect everyone.” Her father had tried to teach her the lesson. The gods knew her mother had tried. But she was too stubborn. Too headstrong. Too much.
Nel had seen so much the best in her, talked to her like she imagined it would sound to have a mother who was proud of you. But even Nel had seen the error of that. She was not someone to be proud of. Too emotional. Too unstable. Too much.
Cardinal had seemed to like her, enjoyed spending time with her. But when it came down to it, she would always be just a noble to Cardinal. And she’d forgotten her place and overstepped her role and hurt Cardinal in doing so. Too fast. Too forward. Too much.
And what of Miss Arsenault? The woman had been so kind to her in the dreams in the rain. And she had been too afraid of the kindness. But she liked her, her enthusiasm and exuberance. But to what end? After all, wasn’t she just some gossiping noble that would go tell papers about her and Sir Orsei? Too cheerful. Too teasing. Too much.
The look, ever so brief, on Sir Orsei’s face as well. Had she been too harsh with him? Were her jibes cruel where they had not been meant to be? She had broken the rules there too. The rules meant to protect everyone. And if she had hurt him, then surely that would come to his sister as well and Mira would see that she was too cold. Too judgmental. Too unkind.
She suddenly longed for the early days at school when it was just her and Vera. After Eridi. When somehow Vera liked her anyway. How long would it be until she stepped too far from her role for Vera to forgive? When Vera could no longer accept her. When she would see that she was too much.
Continue reading...
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Who Doesn't Like a Good Soiree?
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Peg's Playlist
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Memories in Rain
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Consequences
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Mother Knows Best
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Always Too Much
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The Early Days
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The Akmon Appreciation Society
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Who Are You Fooling?
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Pretending
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Grim Things
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Childish Make-Believe
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Failure
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Afraid to Die
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Loved Until
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To Trust Yourself
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A Normal Life
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Roses and Thorns
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Through a Glass Darkly, Part One
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A Little Better?
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The Younger Orlov Daughter
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Choices and Actions
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Through a Glass Darkly, Part Two
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Roses and Thorns Revisited
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Adventures in Avalon
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Home
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Eyes
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Of Bravery and Cowardice
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Heroes and Villians
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Scars and Gaping Wounds
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