The one she didn't send

Dear grandma,
 
I set out to learn more about all the mysterious creatures that live in our world, to discover new places and to seek the Heart of the Forest. I wanted to make you proud and see the world. And I did. I found friends and we not only found but saved the Heart of the Forest. I met creatures and saw places that I couldn't ever have imagined. I learned so much. In a way, it was everything I ever dreamed of, having fun and weird adventures with friends, helping people. Who doesn't love to help a dragon in disguise find some good water for his new ale.
 
But I got more than I asked for. There is so much out here that I was not prepared for. I guess when you look at the world in so much detail and dig into its secrets, you're bound to find the darkness hiding underneath the wonders. Don't get me wrong, finding these truths is important. We managed to find out that Apalae is not responsible for the Last Autumn. Hopefully that is enough to help turn the trial in her favor. We found out who is responsible for Cal's bad dreams and now they've stopped. But I also learned that this world is unfair and sad and dangerous.
 
I'm amazed by Elhom's ability to have faith and hope during all of this. He trusts, maybe even knows, that everything will be all right and somehow that believe gives him the power to make it so. I have no idea how he does it. I simply cannot find that in myself. We know a couple of gods personally (what an insane sentence!) and I feel like it has made it even harder to believe in them. They're just people and not even very good ones as far as I can tell. The others pray to them, at least to Apalae sometimes, but I don't really have any conviction behind my words when I tried.
 
I don't know really what I believe in. Maybe in my own mind, in evidence that I can see, in cause and effect.
 
Dani has a huge heart. She doesn't concern herself with the big picture and the big questions. She just lives every day from moment to moment and sees the right thing to do without any doubt. You can't help but like her and she can't help but be simply *good*. I try to be like her more but my brain takes over so fast. I think if our little group would have a leader, it should be her. We could all stand to follow our hearts more often.
 
There is a looming danger to this entire world and somehow we ended up being the ones who have the information to be able to see it and work against it. Cal's past is interwoven with it and I know she has the power to stop it. I don't envy her. She has a heavy burden to bear and I don't know that I would have the strength to do what she does.
 
I've rambled on about how my friends are the most amazing people. If you have to face world ending danger, and I guess I have to, they're the ones you would want by your side. My point is, I don't know why I'm here. Why all of this is somehow my responsibility now, too. Saving the world is something heroes do and I'm definitely not that. I just know random facts about yetis and chupacabras. But I try to help them best I can. If that means working my way all day and night through all the books in the library to find the next lead, the I'll do that. If it means just being there and listening or standing by their side when they face their foes, I'll happily do that as well. Honestly, if it means standing between them and the blade of an enemy then so be it. They are my friends and I will not leave them to face this alone.
 
 
*The letter stops here, as Devin realized that this might be a bit much to send to Shaenrava. She worries too much anyway. But the letter stays folded and tucked away in one of her many notebooks.*