Personal Journal - Giving Myself Some Grace

by Celosia Senho

This morning, I have a slight sense of foreboding, but it stems more from what we are about to do (going to find a Wyvern and put it out of it's misery) than what I have experienced recently. With so much going on lately, I find myself doubting my own abilities, my own strengths, and I really have no reason to do that. I'm a very intelligent, wise, persuasive, and likeable individual and I perhaps hold myself more accountable than I should. Certainly more than others hold me accountable. And I judge myself when I don't live up to my own ideals, case in point, last night after hurting myself for testing that ring before at least trying to identify it. I wallowed in my own self worth and doubts, consoling myself with mead, wine, and leftovers from our frankly wonderful meal.

And then this man, this honest to goodness, practical, caring, supporting, adorable man, comes in, listens to me beat myself up for having feelings and not being perfect and then proceeds to suddenly put my current moment in life into perspective. To top it off, he is also not lying to me. Believe me, I checked. I'm not used to having someone be so honest with me that was not family. I really do like it. I really do like having him to balance my mind and calm my emotions. I am starting to be scared of the moment it goes away, but I shouldn't think like that. And this next statement is probably at my rawest point; do I deserve such support and care? Tarryn seems to think so and so I should take his advice and give myself some grace.

So, I, Celosia Sehno of Sharn, do solemnly swear that I will stop putting unnecessary pressure on myself. I will act in a way to do what is right and what is necessary within my own convictions and will stop doubting my own self worth to be loved and cared for by someone wholly unrelated to me.

Signed and dated: Celosia Sehno - Therendor 22nd, 999.

Continue reading...

Day 11 – Trip to the Great Crag
18th of Therendor in the year 999YK

Personal Journal - The Kiss
Morning of the 19th of Therendor 999 YK

Day 12 - Planning and Plotting
19th of Therendor 999 YK

Day 13 & 14 - Book and Banquet
21st of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Personal Journal - Giving Myself Some Grace
22nd of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Day 15 - Past, Present, and Future
22nd of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Day 16 - The Longest Day Ever
23rd of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Days 17 - 20: The Testing and the Resting
27th of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Day 21 - Back to Normal and Poker
28th of Therendor in the year 999 YK

Day 22 & 23 - Credits & Debits
2nd of Eyre in the year 999 YK

Day 24 - The Great Crag
3rd day of Eyre in the year 999 YK

Personal Journal - Then the Horse Came Down
4th day of Eyre in the year 999 YK

Day 25 - True or False: Who to Trust
4th day of Eyre in the year 999 YK

Personal Journal - Giving Myself Some Grace

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