Saying Goodbye
And here it is, the end at last. Tomorrow, Caerbhall heads off towards the Dreamlands, of wherever else he may want to go. Takuma will embark on a life of adventure, exploring the mysteries of the world, and I shall remain shackled to a throne until the end of my days.
The end of the Company.
My thoughts are mixed on my position, if I am frank. I never wanted to take a throne; I wanted adventure but after having had one I'm not so sure I want that either. I think all I really want is for Magden to return, for the chance to speak to my mother and father. That, of course, is something not even a Kingship can buy.
Moreover, I didn't expect to make it this position. I saw death in my dreams and the snuffing fire of my own greatness. Now I survived I suppose I'm still waiting for someone to tell me otherwise. I accomplished everything so easily that I feel it was a dream and I still have the tasks ahead of me to undertake. Of course that cannot be true, otherwise I wouldn't hold this burning guilt in my chest. I wouldn't have to hide my nightmares from Jen.
I embarked on the quest to save others, to save everyone and I failed in doing so. Worse, I had to take the final life myself. I've heard the people are calling me Martin the Great but the only thing I seem to be 'Great' at is failing others. I fought with all the strength I possessed but I couldn't save members of the Kingshield, I couldn't save the young cubs and pups that had their lives ripped away in a instant when the Otherking ambushed us. With the bravado of a fraud, I led men towards their deaths. To save the Realm? Or to boost my ego, to make a father proud who I never even met? And then instead of turning the Otherking, and saving those he dominated, I killed him, likely snuffing out the light of a thousand worlds he was maintaining. Some may argue, as Takuma and Caerbhall have, that I needed to do so. He was too dangerous to be kept alive... that feels like an excuse to justify a wrong. Now I have to settle the fact I have blood on my hands, and I likely will indulge in more before my reign finally ends.
Sure, I put on a brave face for Takuma and Caerbhall. For Jen. For Lela. I may even appear carefree. But as my powers develop all it means is I can experience all the suffering around me. No matter how much help I can offer, I know I can't fix everything. As before, I feel as if I've been thrust into a position I am wholly unprepared for and uniquely tailored to fall short at. With my friends leaving that means I only have Jen to support me and I cannot place my full burden on her. It is already breaking myself; I can't ask another to take that. Tomorrow my hand will shake when Caerbhall leaves, and Takuma soon after. I shall then become a single light against the darkness of my own mind, but remain I must. Ever flickering.
I cannot let them know this however; it is not their weight to carry and so I shall smile, until I cannot any longer. I shall find solace in my family, in a daughter I can raise to be better than I ever was. Ardon may be broken, for now, so Lela shall be my shield against my tortured thoughts. Not as a crutch, I hope (what a wretched role for a child) but as a reminder I have accomplished something of pure good. And with my teaching and Jen's, I hope she can grow to be better, happier, and less confused than I ever was.
So I have my daughter, and Jen. I have my duty and I can do my utmost to build this realm for the many, not the few. I am happy, mostly. But I am also aware of the hypocritical nature of my role as sole ruler. I know the falsehoods behind my victory, the many bodies I have had to run up to hold my banner high. My sword may only be soaked in the blood of one, but somehow I still seem to have waded through a pool of it.
Martin the Great indeed.
Martin's Journal Ordered oldest to newest
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Another Dream
28 Marcheth 1062 AF
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Shin Li
28 Marcheth 1062 AF
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The Golden Rose
29th Marcheth 1062 AF
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Potato Choices
5th Aprileth 1062 AF
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Kingship
20th Aprileth 1062 AF
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Unstoppable
25th Aprileth 1062 AF
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As the Father Says, so the Son Fails
18th Mayeth 1062
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Fall Winds and False Smiles
20th Mayeth 1062
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A Letter to Jen
25th Mayeth 1062 AF
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A Means of Inspiration
10th Julyeth 1062 AF
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Holding the Shield, Only
14th Julyeth 1062 AF
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The Otherking
15th Julyeth 1062 AF
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The Origin Festival
23 Julyeth 1062 AF
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Desperation
29th Julyeth 1062 AF
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Magden
10th Augusteth 1062 AF
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Getting Better
12th Augusteth 1062
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Fitting for a Crown
1st Septemberith 1062 AF
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Saying Goodbye
25th Aprileth 1063 AF
28 Marcheth 1062 AF
28 Marcheth 1062 AF
29th Marcheth 1062 AF
5th Aprileth 1062 AF
20th Aprileth 1062 AF
25th Aprileth 1062 AF
18th Mayeth 1062
20th Mayeth 1062
25th Mayeth 1062 AF
10th Julyeth 1062 AF
14th Julyeth 1062 AF
15th Julyeth 1062 AF
23 Julyeth 1062 AF
29th Julyeth 1062 AF
10th Augusteth 1062 AF
12th Augusteth 1062
1st Septemberith 1062 AF
25th Aprileth 1063 AF
The major events and journals in Martin's history, from the beginning to today.
Saying Goodbye
And here it is, the end at last. Tomorrow, Caerbhall heads off towards the Dreamlands, of wherever else he may want to go. Takuma will embark on a life of adventure, exploring the mysteries of the world, and I shall remain shackled to a throne until the e...
12:50 pm - 06.02.2022Fitting for a Crown
The duel with Arthur was fierce and I still carry the injuries but it needed to happen. Hopefully the result can make Arthur rethink his views. Please guide him Mithani. It feels strange to have reached this point. More than half a year's journey, cul...
04:32 pm - 02.01.2022Getting Better
This past week has been a whirlwind. I feel as if an entire life's worth of activity has happened in that time. As this happens I worry again about burning out... I still feel as if my future is already marked out for me. I managed to see Magden again...
10:24 pm - 30.11.2021Magden
He's gone. He left me and I couldn't do a single thing about it. I tried so hard to summon the magic. I tried! But I was useless in the only real moment I've ever been needed. I didn't even get to tell him how I've forgiven him, how I don't hate him, ...
04:58 pm - 28.10.2021Desperation
Dearest Jen, That fool! Arthur has betrayed me, attempting to stage a coup and kill me in India. And worse, he has recruited the Raj to his side with false promises of independance. It frustrates me more than it worries me. I thought I could appease Ar...
04:27 pm - 28.10.2021The Origin Festival
A triumph, despite my misgivings! And a another blow against Lui Bei and his ilk who seek to divide this realm (or at least further their own gains). I can hardly contain my own excitement with the whole day! And Jen, what luck. I hardly expected what was...
09:01 pm - 13.10.2021The Otherking
Dear Jen, I have been a fool. Worry not, this is not a letter of depression! But I understand how ridiculous my troubles on being nothing more than a collection of artefacts, of not being able to stand againt the Bobcat have been. Perhaps a small part ...
03:29 pm - 05.10.2021Holding the Shield, Only
Dearest Jen, [Relays the Race to Raman]. And the worse part? I was useless against the Bobcat. I'm now better with the sword, yet I still failed to help... my training was for naught. It's not only that, it's the fact that my being involved made it...
02:36 pm - 08.09.2021A Means of Inspiration
Dearest Jen, I had another dream last night. Something dark. Something... final. Hopefully my last messages were also received by yourself. I've charted a fair part of our travels but I hope you can also see how much I've changed. Or not, rather......
02:57 pm - 02.09.2021A Letter to Jen
Dearest Jen, Things have taken a rather drastic turn. I talked to Caerbhall earlier, and his insistence of Edward's fidelity led me to believe that I might not even be his son. I must be a Leongling, in blood, but it's likely I descend from one of the ...
03:32 pm - 23.07.2021Fall Winds and False Smiles
(Note: No false excuse here, but this could be better. But Martin is not quite a poet so it's accurate to him. Better to focus on the message than the style). You spent your days wishing for fairytales, but you lacked what they needed. You were nev...
04:21 pm - 01.07.2021As the Father Says, so the Son Fails
What do you do when the animal you trusted was just manipulating you the entire time? Everything was just a lie? It hurts... and I'm lost, I don't know what I should do now, where I go? Of course, I was never supposed to know! Magden has been prepping...
08:06 pm - 30.06.2021Unstoppable
Where to begin... The climb was treacherous. With Takuma wounded there was nothing else to do but carry him; the fox had a few tricks up his sleeve though. A small piece of magic when my own failed. I may be imagining things but I feel as if he's, per...
06:08 pm - 16.06.2021Kingship
Magden asked me what makes a King... I'm still not sure but I'm starting to feel like I'm becoming one. We headed to Takuma's old town (he used to be a Lord, if you can believe that). He seemed to have a grievance with the people there and honestly, it ju...
07:11 pm - 26.05.2021The Journey to Yaosai
06:14 pm - 21.04.2021You're lying in bed, no?
1062 AFI'm going to kill myself.
1062 AFEavesdropping
Martin sits by the door and tries to listen to what's going on.
1062 AFYay!
1062 AFAnyone there?
1062 AFMaking the Next Move
06:37 pm - 12.04.2021Making the Next Move
06:35 pm - 12.04.2021Making the Next Move
01:50 pm - 12.04.2021Busking in Berwick
01:44 pm - 12.04.2021Busking in Berwick
01:42 pm - 12.04.2021Potato Choices
Is there no end to this? Things were going this way and I imagine there is a far greater reserve of darkness in store for us. I should have known what Caer was going to do; I should have been better. I let this happen to him, I may have caused it even. ...
11:25 am - 08.04.2021The Golden Rose
At least I made amends after that terrible display the other day. Shin-Li was, as expected, terse and did not seem entirely happy with my apology. That cannot be helped, and if I'm honest, I'm not really concerned otherwise. My passion for Shin-Li burnt u...
11:12 am - 08.04.2021Battle of Yushao's Edge
Martin was a decisive factor in the victory and gained the title 'Thunderoar'
1062 AFShin Li
Today I met Shin-Li again. She was as beautiful as ever and I still felt what I thought was a spark. And things were going well, to begin with. But then I began discussing my family, and Rabbittown and I could see her losing interest. I don't blame her, i...
10:00 pm - 24.03.2021Another Dream
You have another dream. You are rolling down a hill... the dark grass is springy and as you roll, you see a deep purple sky above you. Lightning flashes across it. The dream shifts, and you see a forlorn fortress covered in mist. Dark shapes shift in the ...
07:48 pm - 24.03.2021The list of amazing people following the adventures of Martin.
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