A Fairly Good Night

My gods do not have the words to express what I'm feelin and thinkin while I am thinking back on tonight, this night, on my birthday night that just... So much going through my head and racin through my mind as I just try and understand what exactly I am thinkin and feelin as I try and organize these thoughts and yeah...
 
We had a girl's night - all of the girls we got with us. Well that was planned from this mornin', after I got the dress I did with Charlotte, which was sweet as is, but only is the beginin of the whole thing. You know I really don't know what I was thinking, I spent that whole time just lettin her do that for me even though that was the worst for me, I just didn't even want to do anything but I let it happen.
 
And well then we did shopping and hung out and went to shops and UGH like I know I wanna mention buying some of the things I did, like the dildos and the book, and the one I bought for Charlotte in case she wants to experiment with things and I wanna be there for her if she does but I can't even THINK about all of that stuff right fucking now and GODS LIKE
 
Okay so we went to a fuckin bath-house the lot of us, and I GOT NAKED in front of em and that was fine aint like I never shown people that before, I litterally ran around nude half my life feels like as a kid, like I aint shy but the important parts were about THEM seeing that, like and It went well and we chatted and blah blah blah and then TRILL
 
Trill... Trill was talking to me for a while and that made me feel happy... and when she went to talk to Ael about something it felt bad, and I wasn't really sure why and then she talked about this with me and, well I didn't know at the time, but she could tell what I was feeling that whole time, so I guess she picked up on that and she knew I was jealous... bout her and Ael... being close. But she thought possibly it was Ael but it wasn't...
 
It was Trill...
 
I don't think I ever really thought about that before ever... Like what I wanted from her but I had to think about it and fuckin hell I like her... I'm not sure I ever liked anyone else like I like her and like what the fuck.

WHAT THE FUCK.
 
Why why why why why why why why why why why
 
What. Like... What do I do about that? I always like, liked folks where I'd fuck them and have a good time and feel nothing about them but like with Trill...
 
Trill is different. She's sweet and cute and nice and super pretty and she laughs like a little bell, and she smiles like she's seeing you for the first time after a long time every time, and her lips look like perfect little flower petals of pink red, and her voice flows like a babbling brook, light and fluttery and perfect and beautiful and by the gods I like her... I really like her.
 
And She knew and she made me admit it, and she kissed my lips and she tasted like... sweet.
 
Not like, actually fuckin sweet, but like she has this sort of thing where she just makes me feel warm whenever she touches me and she feels loving and soft... and she is beautiful... and I SAID IT OUT FUCKIN LOUD TO EVERYONE THAT I LIKED TRILL AND I WANTED TO FUCKING EXPLODE AND VANISH BECAUSE WILD MOTHER BE DAMNED!!!
 
Fuck.
 
I don't know I don't know what I wanna do with this and Then I asked her out and maybe now we're like actually dating? Not just like hooking up, but like actually... Dating? Like Girlfriends... Partners. Like... Gods.
 
It makes my heart fluttery and nice and wonderful...
 
And we had sex too. WE FUCKED! And it was nice! and she was beautiful and sweet and lovely and she spent time with me! and we fell asleep together and I'm cryin cause I never done that before and I woke up with her still there, naked next to me, and I just had this feelin of just... She was there... And I - Like, what do I do? I like her... I like her so fucking much.
 
Gods Emotions fucking suck.