The Cycle Continues

It was inevitable. Should have known better than to have thought I was free of this. It’s all my fault.
 
Darius is dead. He died and I let him slip through my fingers into the depths below, watched him sink down, down, down into the darkness like so many before. I failed to keep hold of him, failed to warn him, failed to tell him my secrets that maybe could have saved him-
 
but how could it be my fault, really, he told me and the others not to interfere, said not to help, and all I could do was stand there and watch and do nothing like all the other times, why does this keep happening, why do all my friends wind up sinking into the abyss-
 
Darius is dead. He’s gone. I cannot repay my debt to him. All I can do is hold on to this dragon egg he left behind and hope against hope that maybe, just maybe, I can do something helpful for once. Instead of continuing the cycle of unending death I can start a cycle of life-
 
Well I might have already done that now that I think of it but I’m getting ahead of myself. My mind’s going in a thousand different directions and it’s so hard to focus. I need a drink.
 
That’s where it all started. Looking back at my last entry I guess I woke up in the night still drunk and rambled on and on, thank the gods I’m the only one who reads this, what a mess. Anyways I woke up the next morning and had not one but three very interesting conversations with my newfound crew.
 
First one was with Dax, who was kind enough to remind me that I went and blabbed my mouth about Rosemarie to everyone else in a drunken stupor. I suppose it’s not terrible that everyone knows about her but I’d rather keep that business to myself. Too late now. In return Dax told me a bit of news: apparently she has feelings for our very own Mimzy.
 
Took me a minute to wrap my head around that. To put it nicely Mimz is a… unique individual. Sure, he seems pleasant enough, but he’s got sticky fingers and there’s something about him that makes the fur stand up on the back of my neck. Yet he did finally give up MY diamond so maybe he’s not all that bad.
 
Despite not really being the best source of advice for this sort of thing I went ahead and gave her my words of wisdom, hinting that she should just tell the lad and get it over with. The hangover was too powerful and I went to sleep before I could see where she was headed off to, but when I woke Darius was petting my ears and Dax and Mimz were both sitting awful close together, so something must have worked out.
 
Mimz later approached me and asked for the most bizarre relationship advice. Honestly I couldn’t focus what with my hangover and the fact that my brush stuck to his body when I threw it at him, something is wrong with the lad but I can’t put my finger on it, anyways I told him some stuff and he left in a bit of a huff.
 
All this talk of romance is putting me off. Making me have some thoughts about me and Rosie. I remember that look in her eye when we parted ways and I don’t want to. The whole conversation left my head spinning and my heart hurting.
 
So I did what I do best and got drunk again. Wound up punching the local sergeant in the face but he poured me a drink so he’s not a bad fellow, although he went on about how he lost his family and wasn’t looking for a reason to live anymore. That sort of talk can take a man to dark places. Places I don’t want to go. He also mentioned a storm was coming.
 
Darius appeared and said we needed to get going. I was in no state to travel so he simply picked me up and carried me out of town, collecting the rest of the group on the way. Again he saved my life because we were faced with a terrible storm, one of the likes of which I had never seen before.
 
No, it wasn’t a storm. It was dragons. In an instant the biting cold and terrible winds howled through the town, destroying everything in its path, sending us running for our lives back into the desert. Oddly enough we managed not to outrun them but found a place to settle down for the night. It was still unusually cold so we all hunkered down to keep warm. Except Darius, who seemed used to this sort of thing.
 
I never thanked Darius for saving me. Again. I’ll never be able to.
 
Then the nightmares started. Instead of the usual fare I instead found myself in a… well, I’m not sure what it was. Mimz said it was a shared dream that the crew has (would have appreciated knowing that little tidbit before I decided to stick around thank you very much), and all we could do was experience the dream together.
 
There was water. Just like my nightmares there was water all around. Darius started to sink and all I could do was watch as the water turned to blood. I should have known it was an omen. That Darius dying in the dream was a premonition for his death in the waking world.
 
Woke up with the shivers again but this time there was no gentle sway of the sea to lull me back to sleep, only the still, unforgiving ground. Onward we went, trying to reach this White Baron that Ra’Zeed keeps talking about. I don’t know why we’re going to see him, only that he might be able to help us, and Darius was leading the way and we followed.
 
Then Darius told us not to follow him.
 
We found a large bridge that would take us to our destination but there was an army on the other side. Dragons, barbarians, beasts, all manner of horrors awaited us. Below the bridge lay an endless abyss.
 
I should have known that I would cause a problem out here, that even though things seemed to be fine, that we had been through many a scrape together by now, that eventually the cycle would continue.
 
Darius handed me his pack. It was glowing so I looked inside and discovered the egg. Panic. What am I supposed to do with this?
 
My last words to Darius were asking him if the bag was mine after he died. I was really asking if the dragon egg would be my responsibility. He made a quip about me not having faith or something and continued on, intending to come take the bag back from me when it was all said and done.
 
Watching Darius die, watching his body being kicked over the edge of the bridge, it is seared into my mind with all the others I have witnessed fall into the depths below, I will never forget the sight.
 
I ran. I reached. I held. I tried. Everything I did was to try to save him, to break the cycle. But I could not hold on. I wasn’t enough. The man who killed Darius was about to kill me too and I had to make a choice.
 
I let him go.
 
He fell down, down, down, down, down…. he’s gone. Never to surface again. It’s my fault.
 
Pain. Agony both inside and out. We had to run away. Herus tried to sacrifice himself to give us a head start but Mimz was able to talk him out of it. We couldn’t afford to lose another, not so soon.
 
If I have to watch another one of my crew die I will never forgive myself.
 
The light from the egg faded. At that point I didn’t care if the others saw the egg, I figured that Darius’s secret had died with it. Who knows why he was keeping the egg hidden. We all are hiding things we’re not proud of.
 
“Bound together forever this we betrothed” is what Dax translated for us from the egg. I don’t understand. And now I’ll never understand because Darius is dead.
 
Somehow we moved on. The golden butterflies from before led the way. Apparently these are also a common sight among this crew? So many secrets. The butterflies are an omen, they landed on me, they can’t be good, not if they decided to touch me.
 
I apologized to Herus for letting Darius fall. He was far more gracious about it than I would have been. Man’s seen some things, I can tell, yet he still cares. It’s hard to care after so much death.
 
Mimz admitted that he’s a dangerous fellow. Said that he didn’t want to hold any more secrets since Darius hated them, said that he is dangerous, he’s not human, not normal, might be a ticking time bomb. Aren’t we all dangerous at this point? We all have secrets, all have reasons for others to fear us, to hate us.
 
I opened my mouth before I could think and told Mimz that we all bring their own suffering upon themselves, what’s a little more. At the time I didn’t mean it but my mind’s such a mess I don’t know how else to voice it. Maybe I can talk to him later and sort it out. He’s a good lad despite his… quirks… and I don’t want to cause him any more pain than I already have.
 
Here’s where things get very strange. Life decides to knock you down and then slap you wide awake, keeping you forever guessing as to what’s going to happen next, and today it did not disappoint.
 
We encountered an orc village, a village belonging to a particular group of very familiar orcs. The Scarab markings were all too clear to see, and immediately my mind flashed back to my previous amiable encounter with a certain orc princess, an encounter that led me to possess the diamond and also led me to meet my current crew. A very fateful encounter it was.
 
And a very fateful encounter it would turn out to be. As we mourned the loss of one of our own we were walking into a celebration of new life. Someone in the village was with child and they were throwing a huge party for it.
 
Very impressive. Very festive. Very… problematic for me, as it turned out.
 
The mother to be was none other than the orc princess, my agreeable Brauka, the one that I so happened to spend a memorable night with not too terribly long ago. Needless to say she was more than happy to see me. In fact, she was so focused on me she was able to see right through the disguise I wore.
 
Never question the absolute focus of a woman who has set her sights on a man, let me tell you that. As it so happens she was focused on me for a very specific reason. The specific reason being a very specific result of our pleasurable company with one another that fateful night.
 
Oh help me I’m going to be a father I’m not ready for this what the hell am I supposed to do
 
I had to be sure that this wasn’t a horrifying case of mistaken identity. After we did the deed I remember asking her how our evening compared to previous evenings she had with other amiable fellows and she had said "there is no one else”.
 
At the time I thought that just meant I did a really good job but no, I was wrong. So very wrong. There is no doubt in her mind that I am the father.
 
It also needs to be said that absolutely no one in the crew stepped in to help. Or maybe they did, I can’t remember, my mind is one big blur. All I can remember in complete and utter clarity is the very noticeable bump around her middle. A reminder that I am completely and utterly fu
 
what the hell is our kid going to look like how does an orc tabaxi mix even work oh so help me if it’s a green cat I’m going to die
 
Then Brauka’s father arrived. In the interest of keeping my entrails on my insides I ran. Was it a cowardly thing to do? Hell yes. Was it the safest thing to do? Probably. My crew could handle themselves, it wasn’t them who inadvertently knocked up the princess to one of the meanest, bloodthirstiest orc tribes in this blasted desert.
 
What would mum and dad say? They can never know. Rosie would laugh at me, that I know, she’s seen this sort of thing before. Pirates aren’t the most responsible of folk even at the best of times.
 
As I ran for the hills I ran right into this halfling that we had met before. He’s an odd fellow, very calm, very… I don’t know how to say it, but there’s something about him that I can’t figure out. But he offered to help us out and we weren’t in a position to say no.
 
Okay, I was the only one who wasn’t in a position to say no. The others were fine but they went along anyways.
 
Before we left I took Brauka aside and told her I had to leave, which is true, saying that I had to go do some important questing, which is kinda true. I ended up giving her the sapphire that Darius had given me when I lost my diamond. I hope it brings her a small amount of joy.
 
She’s a nice lass and can do so much better than me. I’m not too worried about her raising our kid since she’s a literal princess and her father will willingly eviscerate any living, breathing creature that causes one of his own any sort of distress. Somehow I also get the feeling that this will not be the last I see of her.
 
Part of me kinda hopes that we see each other again. The other, more delicate, sensitive, easily pulverized parts hope that her father is off on a nice long vacation if I do cross paths with her once more.
 
We’ve made camp in some sort of ruins. The others started their usual business of trying to analyze their assortment of magical artifacts and items. It wasn’t going very well so our halfling friend said he would assist for a price. The price being one of our secrets.
 
Before I could really think about it I volunteered to divulge a secret. I think it was probably guilt doing most of the talking. Darius hated secrets. I was planning on telling him my name before…. Before all of this happened. I feel he would have appreciated knowing. Maybe he could have helped me accept it.
 
I’m going to miss Darius calling me Whiskers.
 
Now we’ll never know what Darius would think of anything. Darius is dead. I’m about to be a father.
 
The cycle continues.