Journal Entry 8

I didn't get any sleep last night.
I couldn't.
Not with this stupid anxious illness.
My mind was just constantly racing.
 
I made two more perching areas, this time in my farm area, one even having a pillow but it still didn't bring me much comfort.
I still couldn't sleep.
I ended up just sitting there for hours, just watching the crops grow.
Sitting there until I morning or at least till the sun came back up.
It was a odd feeling, wanting to move and do something and yet not wanting to move at all.
 
At some point I finally got up, I needed to distract myself before realizing I could get two birds with two stones. I grabbed one of the sacks I had in my chest and put some stuff into it that I thought was worth something, even adding some torches and an IOU. I headed to Goose's house and it seem I just caught her as it looks like she was about to leave. I was relieved that she seem ok though only to find out that she was threatened after the party and shit seem to go downhill for her, the shulk, and Leaf. I told her that I was here for her in case she needs anything. I hope the stuff I gave her is useful. After our small conversation I headed back home and she left. I think I was only home for a few minutes before I heard knocking at my door. Leaf had arrived, they were worried about me when honestly I'm not exactly sure why they should be. I wasn't the one in danger nor have I been. They seem ok for the most part, I mean I didn't see any injuries on them or anything like that. They just seem to be on edge which makes perfectly sense. It seems like they were trying to keep the info from me, probably not to have me worried more but I told them that Goose had already mention stuff to me. I offer to help but they seem against it, not wanting me to put my life at risk and have a target on me. Upon mentioning that I didn't have much on the line they brought up Oculous.
Oculous, my neighbor. My.. My friend. I wonder what my old flock would think of me, befriending an Enderian. What Leaf said was true, at least I hope so. Oculous seem to care about me, I mean he even said I was it's friend. He probably would be upset if something happened to me but.. If I'm being honest, I've slowly started counting the days until it finds out the truth.. I seem to have slipped up alittle with Leaf as I did mention the Virkhagen thing made me nervous but we had quickly change the subject before anything else could be said about it. Leaf wants me to stay out of things, but I want to protect my friends. It's been awhile since I had friends, since I could trust anyone really. I told Leaf that if they need me for anything to tell me, I even gave them some torches. Which probably doesn't mean anything to a lot of people, but it means a lot to me, who is deathly afraid of the dark. After that Leaf headed off.
 
I'm gonna figure out some way to help them, I'm sure of it. I can't just sit here idle knowing their lives are at risk. I'll figure something out, figure out how to be useful in some way.