20220618 Every Droid goes to Heaven

Beginning my first day as an Aw'akeen Bionaut Impersonator, I thought things were going quite well.
 
My new friends, the TRM-1000 Droids, shared a mutual dislike of the literally brainless zombie B'omaar monks that I and the Jedi shared.
 
The last time I jumped down a corridor I fell into an electronic death trap, but this time I fell into a pack of heavily armed terminator thinking-machine abominations who like me! So, I'm batting .500 so far.
 
The Sister of Battle aimed her massive flamers at me and the TRM-1000 Droids, obviously prepared to cleanse the universe of these thinking machine abominations. I decided to take a calculated risk, an experiment one might say, and not dodge.
 
She asked me, "Are you in control?"
 
I replied, "Yes, it's great!"
 
She specified, "Do you control your mind?"
 
I explained, "Oh, my mind? I thought you were asking about them," waving at the four friendly mugger-kill-droids, "Yes they are allies of the Aw'akeen. They also mentioned the Aildae and Draimasi. Have you heard of them?"
 
Shye hadn't. Neither had I. She said, "Aw'akeen? So they are not thinking machines?"
 
It would have been strategically better in this tense situation to be able to honestly say, "No, they are not," however, I honestly did not have enough data to say. She gave me 60 seconds to find out before she took the "safe" move of melting them to a slag with me in the middle of them. So, I watched their movements for personality. Their gait and their disinclination to fire upon the spidey-kill-bots after I directly asked them to do so appeared rather reminiscent of teams of troopers or even clone troopers but most like ordinary battle-droids, early ones, which I believe do not constitute "machines in the image of the human mind" per the classic Orange Catholic definition. I sent that information to Palatine Jula, our Sister of Battle via a text message to let her know she did not need to incinerate me and them for the good of the universe.
 
She replied a simple spoken, "Understood." So they (and I) were not on her threat-list anymore.
 
A moment later, I received an area-transmitted data packet (which passed my virus check) which appeared to be a compressed mathematical equation. This was transmitted using a Mentat protocol. This equation is a modified version of the Thotar Theorem ( the uneducated call it a Thought Worm), a 3d rendering of a mathematical construct that unlocks the mind's natural defenses! A Mentat experiment to use Math to unlock the mind instead of the Sapho Juice! ... last you remember... the results were .. "classified" and "under study"... so were the volunteers who were never heard from again...
 
I felt like I had just swigged a mouthful of Sapho Juice! Fascinating!
 
Without even trying, I leapt to the likelihood that one of the known living Mentats on the planet sent this, either Rocky Elroad or Almon DeJoy, likely the latter because it came with no salutation, which implied that my old rival Almon was using it to force me into Mentat Mode after discovering it would have that effect, which means he benefits from so doing, which likely means he has found a way of detecting my location when I "juice up" as Vanya (the Jedi) has often told me she can do. That likely means that his experiments with "the force" has allowed him to target me with some kind of distraction or delay or outright "dark side" mind control or other attack.
 
Vanya approached me, worried, and allowed me to speak first. I mentioned, "You mentioned being able to detect those Tor Ceti Mind Controlling creatures... Would you do that? I was looking at this equation," which I showed her and explained, which I was 99.9% certain could only affect the minds of Mentats capable of processing the Thotar Theorem. She immediately appeared to feel woozy upon sighitng my datapad's screen.
 
She very politely explained that my continuous (throughout our relationship) attempts to explain and categorize her religious beliefs as scientific principles that have merely not yet been properly scientifically studied (though they have been religiously studied for millenia) are excessively dismissive of her beliefs. She casually pulled her lightsaber like a presentation pointer and gestured at my face to emphasize her point.
 
Sir Davish Tam stepped between us then and claimed that "the dark side" was tormenting her, Vanya. She took a moment of self reflection. Still nearly certain I had been the only target of this obscure attack, I asked him to scan me for "dark side" and started to explain by showing him the Thotar Theorem. That's when my datapad hurled itself into the wall.
 
It almost never does that, I can honestly say, it only did it that once that I have witnessed, and it smashed into pieces that time.
 
"It was dripping with the dark side," said So'Zen. So'Zen identified it as "Cosmic" Force, not "Living" Force. So, those are separate things I should research some day.
 
I realized the entire area had been targeted, not just my datapad. I shouted, "Did anyone else get a datapacket on your datapad from Almon?", knowing my companions would treat it like poison if they had.
 
Vanya, if I heard correctly, radioed our troops above ground, telling them that Almon had developed basically a Bene Gesseritt Voice App which transmits in a Mentat protocol. All computers must be scrubbed. And the door we entered to crawl down here must be sealed, I believe.
 
That was when I discovered that the Thotar Theorem works on droids as well. All the ordinary droids turned either, I suppose a superstitious man would say either holy or evil. Some stabbed at us, others blocked them and protected us. The same mind-opening equation which helped me leap to a higher level of thinking also allowed the droids to make a leap of cognitive thought. And they chose sides.
 
So, one of my TRM-1000 droids protected us from the other one. And the other spidey-kill-bots, I say affectionately, had to chose between Church of Spook Orthodox and Church of Spook Reformed. Hilarity and blaster fire ensued.
 
I took a chance. If the Thotar Theorem actually could be (and had been) weaponized into an equation that makes droids have to choose between the religious concepts that Vanya's religion calls the "Light and Dark sides of the Force", if there actually is a Force that "flows through all of us and connects us", then a computer program that I can visualize in my mind is in a way connected to those droids undergoing their crisis of "faith". That means I can reprogram them from across the room.
 
I tried it.
 
It was exhausting.
 
But I think it worked.
 
I'll admit even with my Mentat training in observation, I was barely listening every time Vanya told me about the Light Side and Dark side of the force, (and now I hear it can be Cosmic or Living too,) but now it looks like I need to memorize the cliff notes right away.
 
I'll definitely need to take this theory back to the Mentat homeworld and publish a thick paper on the subject. That means I will need to collect plenty of objective empirical evidence while we are here. And it may help tremendously in my upcoming dealings with Almon if I reach a few conclusions about what I can do with this Force and what it can do with me. It would be good to have some of that worked out and codified so we both know where we stand. They are going to call me mad back at the university when I first publish this.
 
It might be that Almon has unleashed (on me and others) what he thought was a tremendous source of destructive power, but it turned out to be simply a tremendous source of power.