What a Strangely Epic Place This Is

Hello Journal, my old friend - I've come to talk with you again... It's been a while since I last had a chance to write down my thoughts. It's been a crazy week! I have so much to tell you about - so much has happened here in this super strange, super lame, but also super exciting world we're in. Flanaess is great and all, but this world also has so much to do and creatures to fight and opportunities to be heroic, I don't know if I need to get back to Flanaess anymore. One world is as good as another, so long as it has chances for fame and glory. And treasure. The gods here are all crazy, but I suppose no more crazy than the ones back in Flanaess. Craziness must be a prerequisite for becoming a god.
 
Ok, so where did we leave off last time? Oh, right. Just arriving in Archanae (it's not pronounced 'Arachnid' like I had thought apparently). It all seems a blur, but I do vividly remember a lot of what's transpired over the course of this past week or so. So many crazy things have happened in such a short time... my kind of place! Once we got here, we settled at the best Inn and Tavern we could find - the Pickled Sprite. It wasn't bad as far as Inns go, I've certainly stayed in worse - but I still haven't seen how it got it's name. I was expecting jars full of little pixies fermenting on the shelves, but there are none to speak of. It must be a delicacy here and they're sold out. I did reserve their finest, largest room in hopes that it would help with the ladies. I met one of the dancing girls - a redhead just as I like - and even took her out on a date, but she fell asleep on me! We were talking and she just fell asleep and started snoring, so I ditched her. At least I hadn't paid yet, so that was nice. Oh, I also bought their finest, top shelf bottle of liquor that night. Boy, that stuff really packs a punch! It was awesome. I don't really remember much of the next day after taking a swig of the stuff, so that's how you know it's good! I think we visited a temple for Dok to check out Moradin. I think he goes by Purphoros here though. Either way, Dok found what he was looking for and is back in good spirits now, so that made me happy. I hated seeing him so down. That's not a short joke! Let's see, what else has happened...
 
Oh, there are a shit ton of temples here. Like a lot. Wait, back up a bit. I do vaguely recall seeing Arman and Kit trying to sneak outside a temple for Erebos that first night, while I was trying to get my hands on some more of that crazy strong liquor. Apparently the temple is also a distillery and they make the stuff there. So, I was just trying to get some more bottles but apparently Arman wanted to visit the temple part of it, so the 3 of us went down. He went off with some lame priests while Kit and I apparently we part of an orgy!!!! At least I think. I sadly don't remember much at all. I don't remember Kit being part of it. Maybe that's good though. I don't like the thought of her with another man. I think I might have stronger feelings for her than just like a sister. Another time, journal... another time for that. Right, well the next morning while I had a massive hangover Arman came back and was acting strangely. And by strange, I mean, more confident and awesome. I like him better this way for sure. Whatever he found down there with those priests really seems to have made him much more palatable and cool. Lhoris doesn't seem to like the new Arman, but he doesn't like anything he can't control or manipulate, so more power to Arman. That reminds me! Lhoris was so butthurt about Arman that he really laid into Kit and I for letting him go down there. At the time I was fuming mad, but looking back, it really is funny that he thought he could command me or berate me. I was toe to toe looking down at the scrawny elf and sooooooo, so very close to pounding him through the floor. It was too bad really, I was just starting to actually like him. Just goes to show that elves will ALWAYS think they're better than everyone else. I'm so thankful that Kit isn't that way and must have inherited her mother's side much more than her father's. This whole city is actually infested with elves who all strut around with that arrogance and attitude.
 
The temples, right. So, Kit and I thought it might be fun to check out the temples and see what all these gods are about. No, back up again. I almost forgot something. Lhoris apparently thought it would be funny to set us up against the champion guy over at Heroes-R-Us after talking to the ship captain. Actually, I think it maybe was the ship captain who was the champion. Anyways, he signed us up to fight against him in some kind or tournament, so Kit, Arman and I went to take him on and he wiped the floor with us. All of us. Easily. This guy was juiced out of his mind somehow and we didn't even stand a chance. I think Lhoris got some sick fun out of seeing us beaten so badly - why else would he have set it all up? It was actually after that horrible experience that Kit and I went looking around the temples. After seeing what that guy could do with a god backing him up, I figured I needed to try and get a god of my own, so maybe I could have that kind of power. Then maybe I'll challenge him again when the odds are even.
 
So, Kit and I went to all the different temples in town - aside from the ones for Erebos and Purphoros - since we'd already been there. And I already knew Heroes-R-Us sucked so we skipped that one too. A lot of the gods actually sounded pretty cool - some more than others. Thassa was neat, but there's no way I'm going to champion a goddess of the sea. No way in hell. Nylea was cool, but both Kit and I were turned off by all the arrogant elves that worshipped her, so that was a hard pass. Ultimately, I ended up spending a lot of time learning about Keranos, God of Storms because I was utterly fascinated by what the priests had to say about him. He honestly sounds exactly like me! It's really too bad that all his priests are utter and complete assholes to the one. I seriously hate those guys. Kit also was really impressed with Karametra, the goddess of orphans and food. I think it's because she was an orphan and really took to her as like a matronly figure. Sometimes I think Kit has too pure and too soft a heart to be hanging around us. But I'm glad she has stuck around. Dok too. I often wonder why he's stuck by us so long when it seems that all we do is get into trouble. Don't get me wrong, Dok is like a brother and means much to me, but I'm surprised he's stuck around through some of the shit we've put him through. Losing Moradin must have been awful for him, but he stuck by us nonetheless. I'm glad for that.
 
What was next....? OH! Ok, so the short little owner of the Pickled Sprite asked us to help find his buddy Durkin who went off to search a shipwreck outside of town. We loaded up on potions that could help us breathe underwater or walk on it and headed out. Listen, I was really not down to get back out on the water. That is the last place on Oerth I want to be, but now I want to prove to Keranos that I'm worthy of being his champion, so I figured facing my biggest fear would be a good start to showing I'm worth blessing. I actually tried talking to him there on the beach, but I've never prayed before so I don't know if it worked or if he heard me. I did say that if he didn't let me drown, I would seriously consider following him. Well, we found Durkin's jerkin and figured he went out to the shipwreck we could see about 100 feet off shore, so we took a little boat and headed that way. I honestly have no memory of what happened after that until we were all back on shore again, beaten and bloodied. They said some tentacled sea creature took over my mind and I attacked Lhoris on the boat and nearly killed him. Apparently the sea creature knew my inner desires! But, I still wouldn't have actually tried to kill him myself, so it must have been true that they were controlling me. We can't have that, now can we? No one controls me but me! I was dead set committed to destroying those evil things before they could do that again, but no one else wanted to take them on again. I even tried asking Keranos again for some direction or affirmation and the sky started to storm and rain! It seemed that Keranos, God of Storms, was saying "Go get them!", which only strengthened my resolve. I couldn't believe it when everyone else in the group said they wanted to leave. TO LEAVE! They were ok with leaving Durkin to his fate, and worse, leaving those things out there to do gods-know-what more harm and danger. I almost ran out into the water alone to take them on with Keranos' blessing above me, but remembered that he doesn't look favorably on people who act foolishly without a plan. So, dejected and defeated, I went back with the others to tell the halfling proprietor, Haldor, that we left poor Durkin out there. I couldn't believe it. Some heroes we were.
 
Well, the next day, we spent all morning running around to temples and authorities trying to find answers about those creatures. It was all horrendously boring and time wasting when we could have been out there killing them! Even worse, every place we went to told us to just leave it alone and they'd handle the creatures. Why hadn't they done it already then?! Whoever runs this city is utterly moronic, and the elf authority police are totally useless. We ended up having to solve a crime for them because they couldn't do it themselves. Apparently something in the sewers was abducting people and likely killing them, so we went down to put an end to whatever that was. At that point, I just needed a win, so I reluctantly followed them down and put the sea creatures out of my mind. For now. We ended up finding some disgusting looking elf monsters... well even more disgusting than normal anyways, and killed them. They were tough, but no match for me as I tore through a couple of them myself. They did something that made me feel less powerful, but even so, ultimately they couldn't stand against me. The others helped - some. We found a loot stash of theirs with a strange box that Lhoris told Arman to pick up so he wouldn't get his prissy hands dirty. Or maybe he wanted Arman to take the hit instead of him if something bad happened. Nothing came of it though, and we didn't find anything of real value. Oh, I did chase something down a small tunnel for a while. When I got to a dead end, something stabbed me from the wall just like back in that underground temple in the mines under Diamond Lake. I heard it yell out "Thursday!" right before it stabbed me and disappeared. I don't even know what a 'thursday' is.
 
The lazy, incompetent elf police were happy we did their jobs for them and paid us. Then they asked us to do yet another job for them that they apparently couldn't handle. Seriously, they have an entire force of people and resources, but they have to rely on 5 strangers to do everything for them?! What a pathetic joke. Elves... always proving me right in my distain for them.
 
So, we headed north a few days to find some of their useless rangers who went and got themselves lost. We passed one small town and headed to another where they were apparently supposed to be. Just before the town we saw their camp and I followed their tracks roundabout through the forest to the outskirts of the 2nd town. We also came across some tiny flying pixies in the forest who were pretty funny. They warned us the town was haunted and the rangers were likely dead. No duh. If they needed us to rescue them, there's no way they'd survive a haunted ghost town the pixies seemed so scare of. We scoped out the town from the trees and saw a ghost floating around pouring black ooze all over the ground from some never-ending chalice cup thing. In fact, the whole town was covered in the gross black ooze. Well, one of them saw us and came at us, but I quickly dispatched it. It screamed out as it disappeared and hundreds returned its eerie cry from all over the town, as it seemed they were infesting the whole place. This was going to be fun! True enough, they started coming out from everywhere, and true to form, I quickly and easily dispatched them by the dozens. Dok protected me with some sort of aura that seemed to dissuade them, leaving them open to my axe. He is so cool... I love that grunting little dwarf. Who, by the way, is getting a terrible sunburn here. Which is weird because we've been under the shade of trees for many of the days, and no one else is getting burnt. But he's like beet red now! He said it doesn't hurt and that he's fine, so... He always knows what's best and I never second guess him.
 
Once we cleared the town of ooze spilling ghosts, we saw a bright light coming down from the heavens to light up a shrine in the middle of town. We ran over to it only to find a beautiful golden glowing bow on the shrine! It was so amazing, I felt in awe just looking at it. I knew it would be perfect for Kit who seems to favor shooting our enemies from afar (thankfully out of danger), so I grabbed it for her. I wanted to give her a great gift in hopes that she'd really like it. The light disappeared when I took the bow, and it was then we saw the 3 rangers dead on the ground by the shrine. Lhoris very uncharacteristically looted all 3 of their bodies as soon as he had the chance, and then ran off to loot all the nearby houses. That left a bad taste in my mouth... this place was ravaged by these foul ghosts and evil corruption, and there were dead bodies strewn all over the town. Who would go and desecrate this place even further by stealing all their valuables? Some people have no shame... that was too low even for my own greed. This place seems to be having a negative effect on him, even though I figured he'd be in heaven will all of his snooty own kind around. Arman on the other hand seems to be relishing and blossoming here. He's started using a dagger and singing during battle instead of his dirty magic tricks, but he's kicking ass and I for one am glad to see him drop his cheap tricks and fight like a real man. I think Erebos finally helped him grow a pair, and now he's swinging them all over, just like his shiny new daggers.
 
While Lhoris was off looting his way through the poor town, Kit felt called to pray at the shrine to Karametra. It was really intense, like she was in some kind of trance. I could tell she was extremely vulnerable so I wanted to stand next to her in case she needed any help. Apparently she had some crazy intense visions from Karametra and she was crying profoundly. When she came to, her tears seemed to have burned into her cheeks and turned to purple scars! She said Karametra came to her and told her we needed to destroy all the chalices the ghosts were using and that was the only way we could get rid of the black ooze and whatever was causing the corruption. So, I gathered up as many as I could find and let her smash them, hoping it would help ease some of her pain the prayer-trance seemed to cause her. A bit later, she and I went back to get the horses so we could leave the town and she told me more about it. I gave her the golden bow and it seemed like she really like it. I told her is was beautiful like her, and I think she blushed. We finally got to the horses and the pixies we met had painted them all white and sparkly! It was pretty cool. We told them that we killed the ghosts, found the stupid rangers and ended the corruption. I was going to ask them about the bow, but they all flew off towards the town before I could. Oh well, I'm sure Kit can figure it out on her own.
 
We took a couple days riding back to the small town on the way back to Archanae. When we got there, we were met by a group of elf police and they wanted to know what happened to the town we fixed. I tried to tell them, but they would only talk to Lhoris. I swear those elves all love to hear the sound of their own voice more than anything else in the world. Once the droll storytime was over, one of them said he'd teleport us back to Archanae. Now? They only offer to teleport us now?! I swear, these idiots are utterly useless. Anyways. We went back to the elven authority police station and once again they and Lhoris talked way too much about everything. There was one old elf listening in who wouldn't stop staring at Kit. He kept calling her "half-breed" and I was seconds away from showing that bigoted fossil just what a "half-breed" could do by snapping him in half with my bare hands. As I was just about to get up and show him, I was pleasantly surprised when Kit snapped back at him with her own witty response that shut him up. After all we'd done, they gave Lhoris alone a bag of payment money and some golden acorn jewelry that looks like a bull's nutsack. Fitting I'd say.
 
That afternoon was nice to have some time to take a break from all the traveling and insufferable elves. I picked up some armor I had commissioned just before heading north several days ago, and went by a few other shops to get some odds and ends. That evening we all met up at the Pickled Sprite and had a good meal with lots of ale. Haldor the owner knew we were planning to leave this town finally and set us up with a traveling merchant heading south towards our next destination. He employed us as traveling guards to the caravan - a job I'm highly familiar with doing throughout my travels before arriving in Greyhawk months ago. OH! I did get an amazing animal before we left. We went by the stockyard to get a couple more horses for the journey south, and they had the most powerful, sleek, and regal beast I'd ever seen before at a stable. It's called a Lambei, and it's much bigger and stronger than any normal horse. A beast just like me. I immediately fell in love with it as the centaur owner told us about them. It wasn't cheap, but nothing worth having ever is. Besides, what good is having gold if you can't spend it? I named him Thor, after the god of thunder. It seemed fitting that a soon to be champion of the God of Storms would charge into battle atop the god of thunder. Let all the world marvel and quake at our approach!
 
OH RIGHT! I think Keranos is actually favoring me! I had a dream a few nights back where he spoke to me. It was seriously nuts. I would have thought it just a bad dream, except that I woke up covered in sea water and with a strange feeling of newfound power. I've also had another similar experience since where I think he bestowed yet more favor and power on me. I'm seriously psyched to see where this goes and just how powerful I can become as his champion. That will show those fucking priests at his temple who he really favors! And that Dremides better watch his back.