This New World

Well, we're in some strange new world apparently. I remember falling asleep on the road back to Greyhawk after we saved that black-walled keep from a bunch of dirty lizard people, and the next thing I knew, we all were in some strange cave with an even stranger looking elf woman talking in riddles. Apparently she's an oriole of some sort, but I didn't see any feathers. She talked about strange gods, events and places I've never heard of, but that's nothing new to me. There are so many places and gods in this world that I can't even keep track of it all. But Lhoris and the others seemed truly perplexed at all of it, so maybe it matters more to them. I don't particularly care where we are, so long as there is adventure, glory and treasure on the horizon!
 
Well, the bird lady told us to make haste down her mountain to a boat and not to stray off the path. Normally, I don't put much stock into what bird people say - those Kenku in the mine-temples under Diamond Lake were just babbling idiots - but for some reason I thought it best to listen to this one. We ended up passing by a herd of huge sheep with strange glowing fleeces, and some weird lions that were watching them. The whole scene was really odd, and none of the beasts looked like any I'd seen before. Kit tried talking to one of the sheep with a dark, glowing fleece, but I have no idea what they said and we moved on. While she was bleating with the goat, I thought of a really great riddle... "What has cities, but no houses; forests but no trees; and water but no fish?" - A map! Haha, I thought that was pretty good - I might try and use it on Lhoris since he loves maps so much. Anyways, we made it down to the boat apparently just in time before it left the island we were on. We also saw a huge lion/goat/dragon hybrid thing flying around! Man, I wanted to kill that thing and add all 3 of its heads to my list of trophies, but it never came down to us. But we were next faced with something even more scary and terrifying than any beast imaginable - sailing.
 
I'd never been to the ocean or even seen one before now. I've never even seen a ship larger than a fishing boat on small lakes during my travels. I don't know how anyone can be at ease out there on the vast, empty expanse of water with nothing keeping them from falling into the depths to drown, but a bunch of rickety planks of wood. That whole sailing trip is all just a blur of a nightmare now. If only I was able to document it as it happened, I'm sure it would make a very interesting story. Alas, I don't remember much of it as I sit to write this now.
 
After that whole debacle, we made it to another gods-forsaken island after rowing a tiny version of the ship because the big one sank. I think. The ship's crewmen we saved were all whiny and useless, but I was just happy to be on solid ground and ready for another adventure. We did come across a bunch of weird stone statues all over the beach - some were barely recognizable as objects, and some were perfect images of people and animals. As we were looking at them, these strange 6-armed lizards tried to jump us, but I killed one alone and the rest of the group all tried hard to kill the other, eventually finishing it off. I think these 6-armed lizards might have been distant cousins to the ones we found in the swamp. These were much more artistic though, being able to carve all those amazingly detailed statues. I guess having 6 arms helps with the stonework.
 
We kept exploring the island for a couple days. We found more of the ugly looking statues all over the place. There was a path that lead us up atop a huge waterfall where we found traps with fish in the river feeding the falls out into the bay. It was all pretty calm and serene, but hopelessly boring. Boring until one night during watch Lhoris and I saw the most amazing sight. There was a giant on the island! He looked strangely just like me only he was 100 ft tall and had a ton of arms floating around him! It was amazing. In my wildest dreams, I would love to be that tall and have a bunch of arms... think of how devastating I would be in a battle! Sadly, it turns out this guy was named Ryan and basically just a loser stuck on the island. It was him who made all the crappy statues littered everywhere. I was seriously hoping for an epic battle between him and me, but Arman talked about his stupid dolls they made together and became friends. What could have been a fight for the ages turned into a lame arts and crafts hour. The loser did point us to a quest and promised immense treasure if we found his girlfriend, so that was at least an upside. Well, turns out his girlfriend was a huge, ugly crab named Tamatoa, who was stuck in a cave behind the waterfall because she got too fat. Kit was able to talk to her using some kind of strange crab-like movements and hand gestures. It was really weird. BUTT, I did like when she wiggled her ass as part of it though. I could watch that for hours.
 
Anyways... Ryan's ugly girlfriend attacked us. Maybe she was jealous of Kit and it was some kind of girl spat or something. Either way, I was thrilled that we finally got to see some action against a real foe! I heroically climbed atop the giant beast, cleaving into its solid shell with reckless abandon, tearing into the soft crabby flesh beneath. I was hacking away on top of it, hit after deadly hit, while the others were all scrambling around the ground trying fruitlessly to hit its legs. I don't know why they didn't just climb on top with me where it could barely reach. Eh, they aren't the brightest bunch at times. More glory for me anyways. So, there I was, bleeding this thing time and again until it was finally succumbing to my relentless slaughter and seemed on the final cusp at death's door. And then, as per usual, those greedy bastards swooped in at the last minute to try and steal my kill! This time it was Arman who finally got his first spell off at the thing, and all I remember next was getting electrocuted AND squeezed hard by thing's enormous pincer in it's final throes of death. Magic is just for wussies who can't make it in a real fight.
 
Turns out Tamatoa actually had a decent amount of huge gems on her, so that was a nice surprise after a fun fight. I'm sure gems these size would fetch a really good price! Seeing that the cave was now empty and boring, we went back to tell Ryan we slaughtered his girlfriend and we wanted our promised reward of immense wealth and power. The loser gave us each a rock. A ROCK! He said he carved them to look like animals, but all they looked like were ugly, stupid, plain rocks. I seriously wanted to throttle that whiney waste of power, but decided against it since Arman finally found someone who actually respected him. He needed that apparently. Oh well, back to our campsite atop the waterfall where we can hopefully find something else to do.
 
That night, Kit decided to follow some noises she heard down on the beach we landed on, and to check on the sailors to see if they had found us a way off the island. She left while I was asleep, or else I would never have let her go alone - that was just horrible judgement by whoever else was on watch with her. I would have gone down there with her, if only to watch her back in this strange place. Well, what I awoke to was a great commotion when she returned, seemingly terrified of a whole army of masked men who encircled and tried to kill her! Apparently she barely made it back to us, and accidentally lost her pet Carrot while running for her life. I can't blame her though, she was running for her life... If only one of us would have gone with her. When I find out who was on watch with her that night, I'm going to throttle them good!
 
We went back to the beach at first light to look for both the masked men and for Carrot, but neither were anywhere in sight. I spent the whole morning searching high and low for the tiny animal in hopes of making Kit feel better, while the others talked with some new sailors that apparently just arrived that morning on another large boat. I felt horrible that I couldn't find him. The sailors said they were leaving, and we knew this was likely our only way off this stupid island, so we had to go with them. Before we left, Arman decided it would be a good idea to transform himself into a small ferret and try to console Kit. I sincerely thought about just stepping on him while he resembled the tiny beast and just snapping him under my boot, but a pang of guilt entered my mind just before I lifted my foot, so I thought better of it. I don't know if it made Kit feel any better, but I thought it was a cheap trick that diminished and cheapened the deep feelings she had for the animal. Oh well...
 
Back on another ship now, and back to holding fast to the rigging on the main mast for fear of falling overboard and sinking to my death. I hate this more than anything I've ever known in my entire existence. I feel helpless and useless out here.
 
Apparently there was a naval battle against another boat filled with those same masked men, but I couldn't bring myself to let go of the ropes. I don't honestly know what help I could have been against a target so far away anyways, so better for the ranged focused fighters to get their shots in. I would wait for any that came aboard and skewer them with my trident if it came to that. The fight was over quickly. Apparently our ship that was 10 times larger, and manned with triple the sailors triumphed... who would have thought? Kit was hanging over the rails most of the fight stabbing down at what I could only guess were the masked men. That sight alone had me more worried than the battle itself. What if she fell overboard?! I don't know that I could save her. After the battle was over and the crew were returning to their posts, Kit thought it would be funny to lean over the edge and let go of the rails, shouting "Look, no hands!" She had a big smile on her face, but all I could think of that moment was her falling over into the sea and drowning. Something inside me snapped and I ran over to her as fast as I could to pull her back onto the deck. I feel bad that I might have been too rough in doing so, but I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. I set her down on the deck and guiltily headed back to my little safe haven at the mast. Hopefully she knows I was only trying to help. As I walked back I saw Lhoris standing at the very prow of the ship, holding his arms out wide and humming a melodic tune. I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "Hold me Arman..."
 
During the uneventful rest of the journey to some other supposedly strange land, I watched as the crew hustled about their duties. Arman spoke at length with the boat's wizard lady, and then with Lhoris. Kit did come over and offer to spar with me on the boat captain's deck, but I still couldn't let go of the mast. I sincerely wanted to, but just couldn't let go. How pittiful I must seem! If we live to see solid land again, I will make sure everyone knows I'm not a coward! Dok, too, seemed to look on me with pity, and that might have been the worst blow I've ever felt.
 
Finally we made port at some place called Arachnid. I think it means "spider" and I'm seriously hoping we get to fight some huge spiders like the crab back on the other island. I couldn't wait to get off the floating death trap, so I ran to the port at the first opportunity. I ended up in some amazingly strange market with all manner of delicious and foul smelling foods. No matter, this was a new place with new sights and smells and brawls, so who wouldn't want to take it all in?! With a renewed vigor for life, I decided I wanted to try all that this place had to offer. All the foods, all the ales, all the women! If we only get one life to live, I want it to be an undeniably epic one. As we walked through the streets of this new spider-town, I saw a building filled with men fighting one another in sport. This was my kind of place! I immediately wanted to know more so I was given a tour by one of their leaders who said it was a temple to some god called Hero-us. I think the temple was called Heros-R-Us, dedicated to fighting, glory and war. I was all ready to join in the fun until the guy said I would have to stay confined there for years before I could leave! No deal. I can find my own glory in war outside Heros-R-Us, thank you very much. The man went on and on about other gods who also had temples here. I think we've entered the parchment-belt of this land, with there being so many temples to gods around.
 
The gods! That reminds me! Poor Dok hasn't been himself ever since we appeared in that cave with the oriole. He's super bummed about Moradin, who is actually a god himself! This whole time, I literally thought he was just a famous dwarf, but apparently he's a god that they all worship and love. No wonder Dok talked about him so much... I thought he was just a huge fanboy. Either way, Dok is out of sorts, and I'm not ok with that. I guess Moradin also gave Dok all his healing abilities, and he can't call on him in this new place. I don't know what to do for Dok - apparently finding another god is out of the question. One god is as good as any other as far as I'm concerned, but I guess not for Dok. I promised my dwarven brother that I would help him find Moradin in this place any way I could, but I honestly have no idea how. For now, since this town has so many gods and so many temples, I bet there might be one for Moradin here. I might just try and find one for myself while we're looking for gods. Who knows, maybe I'll be able to yell at one to get some more awesome power of my own!
 
But, until we find Moradin and our next adventure, I plan to taste and experience everything this new town has to offer. I saw some oddly attractive purple scaly ladies and even a half-horse half-woman chick! I bet they'd really be something behind closed doors...