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Dear Dad,
 
SO! My remarkable adventure has finally begun. Not by choice, of course, but everything great starts when you least expect it. Picture it: There I was, face to face with pirates. Not the real pirates, like we used to see in Del'Orta, but some motley crew of miscreants nonetheless. I coulda taken 'em if I wasn't bound to that chair. I may have inherited your escapability, but even I couldn't get out of that.
 
One of them, a big ugly-but-pretty half-orc named Tusk, hit me twice! For no reason! After some gentle banter, I agreed to work for them and get a really neat lamp. Your son has a job! How about that, huh? More than you thought, right?
 
aaaanyway, once I left the pirate ship Tusk put me in a little dingy and made me sail halfway across the bay! It was torture. And Baltós didn't lift a finger, so I had to do ALL the rowing myself. When I finally get there, some peddler is selling this weird magic potion. I made a fool of him, stole his gold(and his lotion) and headed for the tavern, where I met a most interesting fellow...
 
THIS guy was a fisherman! He could take me to Del'Orta to meet with those Maycomb Pirates. To get him to take me, all I had to do was steal his wallet and ruin his night. I did some magic, it was just all right, nothing you would've been impressed by. Most of it was just sleight of hand, followed by some shenanigans with Baltós. After a while, I finally managed to figure out how to get this special fisherman to help me.
 
Some big lizard was sitting at the bar full of people so I knew immediately I could play with him. I went over, stole his women, out-drank him, and paid for his dinner all just to be nice. He didn't quite understand how to keep a secret so he let on he was headed to Del 'Orta. I go back to the fisherman I shmoozed and set up passage on the ship, and make the lizard pay for it! After 6 hours of rowing I'm getting my free ride straight to the city.
 
Later on after stealing everyone's money and playing songs for them, I ran into the lizard again--I had thought he went to bed. He looked pensive and kinda lost so I took him with me to get the lamp! We sailed across the sea and climbed up some politician's wall. I went into his bedroom and found his lamp, seemed like he was writing something interesting. Almost seemed like a warning...
 
Anyway pops long story short I got shot by a clay golem and I died. Well, almost--your son is remarkably sturdy. But this lizard guy saved my life, and he didn't even ask why I needed the lamp. Then I had some great soup from Ma Sing and here we are.
 
I think I'll keep the lizard around. I wonder what else he might be good for...
 
Gracefully yours,
 
Orren