One Devil Two Devil Red Devil Blue Devil

Dear Dad,
 
Once again, things went awry because NOBODY LISTENED TO ME.
 
So, there I was, in the hands of those Maycomb idiots, marching through Del’Orta. Outta NOWHERE, the Red Devils show up to complain about the Maycomb Pirates ripping them off. I sensed my opportunity and tried to de-escalate the encounter(as I always do). Thankfully for us, it saved a fight and might have even saved my life. I was stuck with the Maycomb pirates but…The Red Devils kind of implied they might want to turn me into a sex slave? I mean I’ll be honest dad, it’s nice to be wanted but I’m not sure even I can swing that way.
 
The Maycomb pirates tied us up to posts(and not in the kinky way) and set sail to go get something. What, you ask? Great question! We never even found out because my LIZARD FRIEND had to get antsy and try to escape. I said—out loud, to EVERYONE—that the best time to escape would be when they got attacked. Because let me tell you, Dad—I saw how those Red Devils looked at Narshen. I saw their anger. Their determination to prove them wrong. When I see you, on flyers and in murals, I look at you the same way. I knew what they were gonna do.
 
So Zashi and that beast-guy we picked up at the circus tried to abandon ship. It didn’t work, of course, and soon the whole crew came marching down to stop us. I nearly died again! Zashi really better start being more careful with my life—I’ve only got the one!
 
After that they inevitably got attacked by the Red Devils after getting some golden sarcophagus or chest or something from some other people—I was kinda passed out at this point(and admittedly for a lot of this encounter) so the details are fuzzy. But, I mean, who could’ve seen it coming? Pirates getting pirated? It was some swashbuckling fun!
 
Though I do have to say, I’m getting tired of getting shot.
I tell ya’, it’s not easy to be so charming people want just to kill you or fuck you.
 
Guess I got that from you, didn’t I?
 
Gracefully yours,
 
Orren