Session: May 20th & 27th, 2024

It feels strange to feel this hollow after I technically achieved everything I set out to. We killed Mother and G'Vath'Haz, we saved Father and Chompy's family, we found the crystal rod...all of it. I should be happy, I think. But as I sit here late at night, locked up in one of the rooms of the manor with my party, I have a hard time feeling that way.
 
It isn't just because Mud stole my opportunity to talk with Mother from me, though that's part of it. That leaves a strange, unfulfilled revenge. I wanted her to know it was me. I wanted to tell her how angry I was, and I wanted to see her face when I killed her - when she realized everything she'd worked so hard for was worth nothing in the end. And I didn't get that. So that does leave a certain hollowness. I also thought that G'Vath'Haz would have more to say. He worked so hard to ruin my life for his own enjoyment while we were together that I thought perhaps he would have angry words, or maybe he'd be shocked. But he really only seemed to care about Mortalis.
 
Perhaps the situation with Cordyn is part of the contributor. I watched him kill Father in front of me - and he would have succeeded if Elegant hadn't been there to heal Father immediately. The anger I felt...it was strong. So to run out after Cordyn and have guards try to stop me at every single step of the way was incredibly frustrating. I know they didn't understand what was going on, and I know my two second explanations as I tried to track Cordyn down weren't enough to convince them. That's not what bothered me the most. No, there were two factors that contributed to my displeasure. One was having to surrender during the fight with him. I knew it was highly likely I'd be outmatched - I'd just come out of two fights back to back after all, and that bastard hadn't done anything except attempt to kill Father. But when he didn't take either type of damage at its full amount when I hit him with my strongest spells...I knew I was done for. Surrendering to him, the smug smile on his face in that moment - I wanted to kill him so badly. And then after that, as he left to go to "town", I knew immediately he was running. He was going to go, lay low somewhere for a while, then most likely come back either after I'd left the manor to try to take it over, or hunt me down first and kill me. Thank goodness a guard listened when I tried to send them after Cordyn...but I have a sneaking suspicion with only one guard going after him that the guard is never going to be seen again.
 
Then to become a prisoner in my own house...I had thought that might occur with Mother, but not after she was dead. I'd never really thought I'd have to prove that I was Eirlyssia, so I didn't have anything particularly prepared for that, and it cost us. Now we have to wait to stand trial. I don't want to go to a trial. I want to be done with this. I want to have Father rule over Inselalona, much kinder than Mother ever was, and then we can move on. Don't they understand how evil Mother was? They can't possibly have liked her. They can't possibly have missed the abuse and the suffering she caused to those around her. I didn't do anything wrong here - I did the world a favour. But for some reason, I am forced to prove it.
 
And then, after all that, my conversation with Mortalis didn't go as I would have liked either. He basically told me in no uncertain terms that he doesn't really need me anymore. He did what I asked of him, I did what he asked (got him a body), and now our contract is complete. The pact still stands, he's still my patron. But now we can't really work together...he's just out there, doing his own thing. Pretty much like Zun had said. And I HATE that. I hate that Zun was right, that Mortalis basically did discard me as soon as he got what he wanted. I liked the partnership that Mortalis and I had - I liked that he needed me. I thought we were going to take on the world together. But I was just a pawn, as always. And when I tried to express my displeasure, he had the nerve to threaten to take away my invocations. I felt sleepy for the first time in months - he reminded me in no uncertain terms he can take away anything he's given me, just like that. I do not like being threatened. I got the short end of the stick here, I was the one discarded, and yet he has the audacity to act like I'm simply being a brat about things??
 
Zun talked to Garrin. It was good to hear that Father is doing well and got there safely. That at least is no small thing that I can be happy about. But Zun also mentioned how he talked to Garrin about me setting Mortalis free - a fact I'd tried to hide from Zun for this very reason. Garrin thinks that Mortalis is either going to join Cor'nate, or more likely, kill Cor'nate and become the new exemplar of Slaughter and Ruin. Interestingly, he thinks that if we destroy the blade with the anvil and hammer though, we could destroy Mortalis. My only concern there is that Garrin made the comment whoever kills Cor'nate becomes Cor'nate...and I don't entirely trust Garrin. He's left too many details out until it's too late. And I fear this is another one - can he become the new Cor'nate if he kills Mortalis? I think I'm going to insist I be the one to destroy Mortalis, if it comes to that. And I am considering it...Mortalis said he doesn't know what's going on with me anymore at all times. Which means he won't know if we plot against him. Now that our relationship has run its course on being interesting...maybe it is time to take him down. Devastate Dan'or'avil and kill Mortalis - two birds with one stone.
 
I don't know where this leaves me. I feel a little aimless. I'd waited 16 years to get my revenge, and now that I've gotten it, and my patron doesn't need me, all at the same time...it feels like everything I'd built myself up to be is gone. There's still more enemies to kill - Dan'or'avil, Azhek, Malzod, Cordyn...now possibly Mortalis. So I suppose I should just put my strength into accomplishing those tasks. If I throw myself into them, maybe I won't be reminded that I don't really know who I am anymore.