Session: Dec. 4th, 2023

I have officially experienced the full spectrum of emotions (other than sadness, perhaps) in the last 18 hours or so. Fight Club was actually a lot of fun. I went into it somewhat nervous, as dueling is not something I'm well accustomed to. If I'm fighting someone, it's typically for my life, not for the fun of the fight. But my opponent was great, and helped put me at ease. She was stoic, but not like most enemies I fight - not angry and ruthless, just determined. That I could work with. Her counterspells were incredibly annoying, but I managed to defeat her fairly easily. Zun and Cor'nan also won their bouts, though Mud got stuck with the toughest of all, and couldn't quite cut it. Which, once we found out his opponent was Henrilang, the same mysterious spy/assassin Malzod wants, it kind of made sense.
 
I also got to enjoy a lovely walk back with Rayan. He's such an encouragement. Our time together was cut short by my sheer panic in discovering that a carriage from my mother's was sitting out front Count Payten's house. None of the guards knew why it was there, or who was visiting. Our group decided to go through the back entrance in the kitchens, on the offchance it was someone waiting for me. It was very obvious while parting with Rayan that he could tell I was panicking inside, and I did not do a good job of dissuading him from that notion. He was sweet though, simply said he hoped I'd be okay, kissed me on the forehead, and said we could talk more tomorrow. I really appreciate that he doesn't press things, and doesn't seem to be overly curious. It has worked to my favour. I don't know if I should tell him what's going on, or at least part of it. As much as I want to, there's always a tiny part of me that worries I'm going to get betrayed. I've been trying to keep my identity a secret for a long time now. But he is part of the guard. He could have insights or connections that I'm just not privy to. Then again, telling him anything probably puts him at risk. If this man got hurt because of me, I don't even want to imagine the guilt that I would feel. I'll have to think on it.
 
When we got upstairs the backway, a young serving girl told Mud she'd left a note for him from someone on his pillow. In typical Mud fashion, he proceeded to spend an infuriatingly long time trying to figure out if the letter was trapped. Luckily, we managed to convince him to just open it. And I'm glad we did - the letter helped put the pieces together that Henrilang and Orthek are one and the same. Also informed us that the girl on the stairs was most likely Orthek too. It's interesting - when we first heard of him, all the stories and legends, I told myself that I hated him. That he was a villain we just needed to finish off immediately. But the more we "get to know him" (I use that term incredibly loosely), the more it really seems that he's just a very talented, slightly chaotic man, just out there doing his job. Compared to our other enemies, it's hard to be mad at that. In some ways, I actually respect it. It felt a little relieving to be able to put Orthek behind us for the time being, and not have to worry about wanting to kill us. If he did, it would only be because he was hired to, and then we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.
 
We briefly tried to decide what to do about Cor'nan, but really it just boiled down to "we'll have to talk with him in the morning". I thought everyone was going to bed after that, but Mud wanted to talk to Mortalis directly. I'll be honest - I don't love that. While I really like this group, and I would give my all to protect them, I don't trust that they won't try to take Mortalis away from me. I think, if I'm honest, I'm also a little protective of Mortalis. He's MY patron. No one else's. I don't want them being mean, or trying to also gain his power. All Mud wanted to know was about Henrilang/Orthek/Varn/Coryn, and how Gift of the Protectors worked. Both things I could have easily asked Mortalis about. I think if he wants to speak to Mortalis in the future, he might just have to go through me.
 
After Mud was finally done, I got Mortalis to pass on to Tarranvar that I killed his family. Also enjoyed throwing in the little detail that I own his soul as well. According to Mortalis he took that very angrily, which finally gave me a feeling of justice. Immediately after that I had to give pause to that feeling, as Mortalis informed me he was very happy about those actions and that I reminded him of a young Norav. THAT is concerning to me. The fact that I've made Mortalis happy AND remind him of an early Dan'or'avil? Not good. But...I don't think I'm doing anything wrong. Tarranvar almost tricked us into breaking the locks to Sha'havar. The results of that would have been disastrous. He needed to know that wasn't okay, in the form of punishment (aka finding out I contributed to his family's death and own him forever). That. Is. Justice. And I fail to understand why my party doesn't see that, and why Mortalis treats it like some unjustified delicious cruelty.
 
If I'm being totally honest, there was a small part of me that was happy. And I can't ever tell anyone that. But no one else encourages me in this party. They all clearly think that I'm crazy, or evil, or at least, on my way to becoming so. But Mortalis understands why I'm doing what I'm doing. He's pleased. I spent the first 13 years of my life chasing the feeling of being able to please my mother, and could never do so. Now I have someone watching over me who is pleased with my progress. I don't take that lightly.
 
I also don't take people ignoring me lightly, and informed Dan'or'avil of such. To which he just responded that making my life difficult is something he takes pride in. And then when I reminded him I wanted to know why he wanted to kill me personally . Do you know what reasoning he gave? BECAUSE I TOOK MORTALIS. That's it! No other reason. So I informed him that was incredibly petty, to which he did not respond. Seriously though, Mortalis was sitting in Azagaol for AGES, just ripe for the taking! Dan'or'avil could have gotten him at ANY point, but he didn't. It's not my fault we happened upon Mortalis! The sheer jealousy of wanting to kill me just a little bit more than the rest of my group for that reason alone...it's ridiculous. He's ridiculous. I'm flabbergasted.
 
That flabbergasted carried on into the morning when Cor'nan came to Elegant's door to meet with us. Apparently (and we scrutinized this man A LOT during our conversation) Cor'nan worked for the Kidon Order, a secret organization dedicated to keeping the Ma'arl Dominion safe. He said he didn't really mean to tell Malzod about Ny'ell, and only began working with Malzod as a means to get closer to Cormivoun and the Igvldruum. He didn't expect Malzod to use it to get Ny'ell killed. So he came to us for help with saving Ny'ell, but unfortunately that brainstorming yielded very little. Short of a jailbreak, which would be risky and drastic, there's not a lot we can do for her. There's a possibility I might be able to talk to the Inquisitor and raise even further suspicion about Malzod, which would require leaving Ny'ell alive for a time while they could investigate further. So I'll most likely do that, but it's not super likely to give us the result we want. Cor'nan said that the Igvldruum has high reach, and that it's quite possible the royal guard has members in its ranks, which also means our chances of getting Malzod in trouble to rescue Ny'ell are even slimmer.
 
The only semi-good that came out of the morning was finding out that it's Mother's Chamberlain who's here, and not her or Dan'or'avil. I didn't think she'd come herself, but still. The panic was strong. I don't actually know her Chamberlain well - I think his name is Berton, or something like that? We're around the same age, and I remember him helping with more the lighter business side of things (messages, rooms, assistance where needed). I don't know if he ever really knew how truly terrible my mother is, nor do I obviously know what's happened in the past 14 years. The good news is that the Kyra disguise probably keeps me safe enough if it's just him. Apparently he was just here trying to contract Ny'ell and Elegant to play at one of her many parties, which is exactly what we wanted. So this may yet work out. Here's hoping anyway.