32. Ghosts of the past

Trigger warning: child endangerment, child harm, eating disorder, trauma & survivors guilt
Was gonna post this in discord.... but I didn't want to trigger people. So am posting it here instead.
 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 
'If I work towards a goal I don't have to remember. As long as I move forward, as long as I met the goals that were laid out then everything will be okay! That's the motto I've followed for most of my life.' Scarlet thought to herself as she started to meticulously organize the items going into the bag. Her mind went on autopilot as she started sorting and planning placement.
 
She had spent a fraction of the money Sniffles had added in the bag, lucking out on great deals due to Nita and Muse's help. There was quiet a bit of gold left over. Normally she would have bought the other items she was routinely tasked to acquire but due to the ridiculous amount of food and regents she was set to procure she abstained due to the fear of a limit of space and weight. Knowing what items were usually stored in this bag Scarlet had to ensure there would be enough space and weight for them to be held. "It's like the fae realm run again," she muttered to herself.
 
Not knowing what her mentor was up to she wanted to ensure every cent was accounted for, because she might need it. And because Sniffles didn't send the regular regent 'buy list' Scarlet didn't want to spend the cash if there was a chance that Sniffles and her team would be backpacking through a realm. Also she knew her mentor appreciated having a detailed list. It gave her an idea on what the trading situation in town looked like. Scarlet never did picked up the reason why Sniffles was so interested in trading and felt bad that she couldn't enter the town. She placed the bag to the side, it would added last.
 
Scarlet tucked an itemized bill into the gold pouch, denoting what she bought, where she bought it and how much it cost along with the money left over and counted to make sure everything was accounted for. It also listed the specific merchants in case Sniffles liked a particular item, it made it easier for Scarlet to know where to go to repurchase a commodity if her mentor flat out told her which ones she liked better.
 
She also tied a much smaller bag with the income she saved during her time in the city, it was tied with a special knot, denoting it was to go to her aunts. There was no letter attached yet, and nothing to identify it was from her. Scarlet held the bag and said a small prayer to Akmon, Eosphorus, Kelesta, & Kallias; hoping that her maternal Aunts could break free from the chains her paternal uncles had cast upon them. She prayed for order to be restored and for the pretenders, who tried to don her heritage, her titles through proxy to be cast down.
 
'I wish I knew why she said she needed to be separate from me or what she's up to.... I hope it doesn't have anything to do with my uncles.' Inhaling deeply Scarlet held her breath, counted to 10 and slowly exhaled. She repeated this step until she was calm. Scarlet began packing the food as she had been taught, staggering it in layers for ease and convenience. The shopping list had the herbs and some of the regents portioned out. Since she usually was tasked to break down and repackaged the dried goods to ensure that that it was portioned for a week's worth of meal for traveling convenience, she added the herbs and regents as directed, spacing them out easily. It would made it easier when pulling stuff out of the bag due to everything being in a specific order. On the back of the shopping list Scarlet wrote what items went into the bag so Sniffles would know how deep she'd have to dig to get a thing, or how much was set aside for each week's meal, just in case she packaged it wrong.
 
As Scarlet worked she could hear Snug-bug was running outside along with Brutus, the two chased each other in the afternoon light, happy chirps and barks noisily drifted into her open window. It made her pause and smile. Scarlet continued to pack, towards the top would be the perishables that would need to be added to the Chest of Preserving. Scarlet wanted to send fresh meat but Snug-Bug was not strong enough to carry anything heavier than the bag of holding and since Sniffles wasn't entering town that usually meant she was up to something in the area. Scarlet carefully re-packing the dry-cured smoked sausage since those would last a bit.
 
There were several small piles on the floor. Each item portioned, everything packaged. Different colored twine around the packages with different knots to help denote what items were stored in each package. Old habits she learned from her mentor. Sometimes when you were out in the field and it was just too dark to see anything, being able to feel what was in the package via knots made it easier to figure out what you'd be able to prepare. Also seeing everything laid out on the floor helped her plan when re-adding everything back to the bag, it was easier to check and ensure all items were accounted for. Sighing she muttered, "Packing a backpack is different though..."
 
Every item laid out could stand being in the bag of holding, but along with the fresh stuff, a small specific portion should be placed in the chest as emergency rations. They were specially prepared, a to go soup mix that just needed water and heat to cook. She was also able to procure some sweet treats for her Mentor, new things she was asked to find... something delicious and something terrible she found this week, things that she did & didn't like.
 
Scarlet packed the bag of cadies with a note and tucked it into the bag. (EX: something like Sour Patch Kids Extreme)
[I do not like this, it's too sour]
 
A few more items with similar notes were added.
 
She also packed a wrapped box filled with honey cinnamon-pecan buns with a note.
[I liked these, the nuts are crunchy and the texture is soft and fluffy]
 
A few items with similar notes why she liked this or that was added.
 
Scarlet also left a list with food items she got to try during the festivals, what they consisted of and what ingredients she thought they were made out of, Scarlet knew that this list would probably be used as toilet paper. She didn't understand why she couldn't just send blank paper, but assumed it was her mentor's way of checking in on her.
 
After surveying the mess Scarlet placed the two 'finds' to the side in a special pile, they would be some of the last items added to the bag: Sniffles money, the itemized and notated bill, things she doesn't like, and things she does liked, a list and description of things she got to eat, the perishables that needed to be transferred, along with the shopping list/order at the very top.
 
As Scarlet worked to wrap and package the dried herbs she read over the her Aunts letter, they didn't say much, only noting which family members have perished, any new kids that were born, any marriages and to whom, & that her cousins were getting bigger. The letters from her cousins always asked about the locations 'Aunty Starlight' had visited and wanted to know why she couldn't come visit them. Scarlet tapped her lip thoughtfully as she remembered, 'I think my Aunts told them I was a sailor or merchant or something, just an old friend. Because it's our culture to call anyone older then you uncle or aunt, my letters would seem like I was just a friend of the family and the prefix does make it seem like I'm older than my Aunts.' Flipping over the letter Scarlet sighed and moved it to a small pile she had set aside especially for their correspondence. Now that she had someone safe and stable to stay she could save their letters.
 
Having a little time to herself Scarlet wrote a quick letter to her Aunts, stating that she was okay and that she had found work, but did not specify where she was working. To her cousins she wrote of a place she visited a few years back. Giving general descriptions of the towns she had been in and any customs she remembered. Scarlet leafed through her journal for those details, so she could faithfully describe them. She wished she could tell them where she was now but because she was unable to, she resigned to slowly give them and her aunts a picture of the places she had traveled. Sniffles was never able to stay long now a days. In the beginning she was on 'vacation' and spent her time attempting to engage Scarlet and teach her about the druidic ways... But she ended up spending a lot of time with her, healing her heart and mind. Scarlet noted that it was due to their guidance that they were so in touch with their emotions... she was, as always thankful. If it wasn't for her intervention she would have killed herself.
 
Sniffles letters were more informative if not brief, she gave descriptions on how her family was fairing and it seemed like the thing that was keeping her Aunts from progressing boiled down to funds and the lack of connections but Scarlet wasn't sure if she read it right. Reading the glyphs, if Sniffles was correct, a relative, a person that she only vaguely remembered from childhood might have been working with her paternal Uncles. She thought to herself, 'I don't know why... it's not like they could inherit due to the magic requirement clause.'
 
She thought about the situation, and it made no sense to her. Scarlet resisted the urge to go back home. Knowing that while she wanted to help she didn't yet meet the requirements established by her Aunt and Sniffles:
A: She wasn't powerful enough yet
B: She didn't have an established retinue that could keep her safe if she were to return home.
 
Re-reading the letter from her aunts she noticed that the sur name of one of the family members that died was the same as the one Sniffles mentioned was 'in the thick of it'. Due to the missing first name she wasn't sure if it was the same person who perished, father, wife, or son. None of them, to her knowledge had the magic talent. Scarlet scanned her Aunts letter for any more info, there was none. She wished that her Aunts would ask her for help or at least tell her what she could do to help but there was none. They weren't even asking her for money. She frowned as she realized that they never would. But now that she was in town proper she was going to send them every cent she could spare. She felt guilt at not being able to help more but after been told repeatedly that she can't go home because it could endanger her and her brother... all she could do was wait, and waiting was the worst thing ever. Scarlet looked over at the stack of possible investments and promised herself that she'd review them, hoping that one of them might have the answers or ties they needed.
 
After hours of portioning everything she began to place them & pack. Dusk had fallen and she was still at it. Scarlet meticulous listed each item as she entered it into the bag. It was dark by the time she went out back, calling Brutus and Snug bug to her. Scarlet had left a few fillets of fish out to feed them and Mr Feathers. The rest she packed away for Sniffles & her group, they were tasty and would last a while if moved to the chest.
 
After getting them sorted Scarlet got ready for sleep. Exhausted she laid her head down to rest, the night was cool so she had left her window open.
 
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
 
Late that night a racoon-kin entered her room through the window. She shushed Brutus, who immediately ate the bribe and laid back down. Carefully she woke her pet Snug-Bug, who was quickly shushed when he made too much noise. Feathers hearing the noise was about to 'sound the alarm' but immediately recognizing her. he went back to sleep. And Scarlet? Never woke up.
 
Gently sitting on her wards bed Sniffles brushed Scarlets tail fur out of her face. Her ward was hugging her tail, an old habit she had when distressed. She whispered to the sleeping form, stroking her head until she released her tail. Once her breathing normalized a spell was cast, and she watched the pain on her wards face slowly fade. Sniffles tucked Scarlet back in and collected her bag and bug. Pulling out a note she placed it on the table where her bag of holding previously sat, and moved something heavy to weight it down. Snug-bug and Sniffles slipped out quietly into the night.
 
[Hey kiddo. I've fished that emergency job back at home & just made it back. The boys had to stay behind to deal with the aftermath. So sorry. It took longer than I expected to resolve, I hope you're doing okay. I'll be heading up to your aunts now. Last I heard they've made some headway. Can't tell you the details, too long/detailed, but we're working on it. Also I've finished the paperwork to transfer the funds to your name. You're old enough now to keep your own books and this is what your father & Aunts had originally intended. (Also you don't need me to act as your guardian now.) Keep your chin up, REMEMBER TO EAT, and remember that we love you. Stay hidden, stay safe. We'll let you know when it's safe to come back.
--TSP]
 
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
 
Scarlet dreamed, she was back, trapped in that dark room. Those terrible cold stone walls that leeched heat and only seeing light when the bandits remembered to feed and water her... She of dreamt about that terrible man who would throw rotten food at her, while eating and then throwing it to the ground, taunting her. He'd watch her with glee, seeing her strain for something right out of her reach. He'd LAUGH at her struggle. She dreamed of starving, of her desperation, and her final moment. The loneliness that still sometimes haunts her. And she dreamed of the aftermath of her freedom.
 
Once Scarlet found out what her Aunts were going through she asked to eat the cheapest, blandest items in effort to safe money. Sniffles would forage for items to help the meal because Scarlet would refuse to eat anything if they splurged, worrying her mentor. As Scarlet grew thinner, the nightmares of her time haunting her Scarlet's mentor, not having any experience with children, went along with her request.
 
But it wasn't enough, and before she knew it she was actively trying to hide that fact that she was not eating or vomited her meal. It wasn't about the money, it was about control and how little she had. Not eating seemed to be the only thing she could control. Scarlet dreamed about that period of time where Sniffles was summoned by her group due to a dangerous situation they needed help with. She was distraught, unable to take the child with her, and knowing that if she didn't go there would be many dead. After much debate, and both parties talking her into going, Sniffles opted to leave Scarlet behind. Sniffles left her in her 'house', a comfortable cave she carved out in the wilds filled with all sorts of amenities. There was enough provisions there to last several months, she left many of her magic items behind, and she should have been safe...but the stone walls reminded Scarlet of the past she just escaped. All alone, surrounded by stone again, Scarlet slowly stopped eating.... so when Sniffles returned from the emergency she found a skeletal child passed out on the floor.
 
Scarlet saw her self in the dream, skinny and patches of skin showed through her fur. Sniffles frightened face and the begging. Scarlet wanted to tell her to shut up! To just let her go. She wanted to go back to the quiet place! Scarlet wanted the endless sleep...but she relented and ate what Sniffles had made. She just wanted the pain and panic to disappear from Sniffles eyes... It reminded her of her mother.
 
Disjointed memories of that long flight back home, where Sniffles flew non stop in an attempt to summon help. She dreamt of the reunion with her Aunt Brana, the rawness she felt seeing her, knowing that she was directly responsible for her husband's death...he did try to protect her. He was so looking forward to adopting them both, always wanting to be a father but not physically able to. She dreamt of his warm smile and constant reassurance.. She dreamt of their time in that awful place and when his voice stopped... When she could no longer hear him or his raspy breathing.
 
Dreams of the time she spent screaming....How she couldn't get to him. And hating the light because it might shine and show her what had happened to him if she could just see into that cell... He had died a week or two before her, he was never retrieved, unlike her. He would give her his food and while she didn't know if starvation was what killed him, she feared that she might have been the cause. It took her a while to forgive herself.
 
Scarlets mind wandered back to her Aunts and Sniffles. She dreamt of them, how they were both so scarred seeing her so thin... and as her dreams looped back to the prison, replaying her personal hell, she felt a warm hand on her head, and a gentle stroke. She smelled the crispness of a foreign autumn and the musk of the earth, a familiar comforting scent. She heard a familiar hum, gentle and patient. And after a while she was soothed, the physical aches she carried inside her melted away. Scarlet could have sworn she heard mentor, her second mother whisper, 'You're safe child. All is well. Go back to sleep. Dream of sweet things. Know that I am here now. You are strong enough. And I won't let them hurt you.'
 
Scarlets dreams shifted, she dreamt of pleasant things and happier memories and most of all she dreamt of open skies and a magical magnificent mansion. She dreamt of never having to sleep surrounded by stone walls... and for tonight as least, she slept in peace.