Notes and Crap (entry twenty-two)

by Eligius Yami

*written after the initial invasion of the goblin base, and being cooped up for a week in the Ocean Drinker*

Empress Novia, this time deep beneath the sea, it has become clear my mind's at its lowest point (No pun intended for once). I don't know what's worse down here in this base, the fighting the goblins, or past week has given me time to think in the aftermath of it. I've come to an unfortunate conclusion... I never had the intention to become your champion to kill *living people* Novia.

(The "*" words mean underlined)

This past year, I have been fighting all sorts of abominations in the name of Hakumei. Crystal corrupted undead, plantlife, animals, elementals, they were par for the course in cleansing a corrupted land, to put those tarnished with the corruption of the Graveyard and its crystals out of their misery. It all changed in my mind the second I locked blades with the crystal worshipping cults; the Snakeroot's Bite, the Cu's Fist, and now the Storm Riders... I have become disillusioned with why I am here, why I even accepted being champion in the first place. Why am I at the bottom of the sea, doing dirty work for Gerudo who only hated me until recently when I proved myself in a trial by combat because I was born with a prick. They are Zahira's people, and for friends I would do anything... but killing living people... that's crossed my line in the grass. That puts a stick in your political wheel doesn't it? When I get back, you and I are going to have a little chat. You'll figure as much as you're reading this.

Eligius Yami

*this half of the journal entry is set after his talk with Petra before they moved out to manufacturing*

Empress Novia, I feel a bit lucky I have my two friends from home to put some of my mind at ease, even for a short time. I'll give you one win for picking Petra and Maria, and sending them to spy on me. I talked with Petra after closing myself off in this damn undersea metal ship for the past week. I explained her what's been on my mind building up these past couple of months... she seemed to somewhat understand, commenting my hatred for killing, I'm nothing like Grandfather and his relishing for battle, the slaughter. She also told me that as Champion, I'm a specialist, the scalpel that excises problems without any excess. I'd argue against that given how violent my friends, as well as myself have become, but the point is made.

I understand why you had me group up with adventuring... the freedom of mobility, answering to no one and exercising such actions as I see fit. I likely would not have fit into the armies, shinobi or ministry thinking about it; a chain of command to answer to, the rigid structure... that's not me. I'm still so conflicted over everything; Ichihara's teachings of irredeemable people, their path being set, and I mine, Joryth's guidance towards peace, Petra and Maria's rigid ronin way of life, and the many outlooks on life that are all unique. None seemed to have stuck fully with my outlook on life in this situation... there's so much hatred in this world, a really giant problem to solve, and I'm not sure how to solve it. I despise war, detest killing living beings, and I scared of the violent soul that I am becoming.

We still need to talk when we get back, though it may not be as... angry as I intended before. I still have doubts as Champion even now. I will be doing my part at least, trying not to kill any of the goblins in my path, and those I find injured I will do my best to keep them alive. Hopefully soon we can get past this underwater fortress full of goblins cleanly, take out the crystal, and we can head back to Desert Rose. We're going after their forges and metal processing next, end their war machine to a halt. I'll write more when I get the chance.

Eligius Yami

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Notes and Crap (entry one), by Eligius Yami

Notes and Crap (entry two)

Reprieve Shenanigans (Entry One)

Notes and Crap (entry three)

Notes and Crap (entry four)

1st Letter to Mother

1st Letter to Father

Notes and Crap (entry five)

Notes and Crap (entry five)

Randera Shenanigans (Entry One)

2nd Letter to both Mother and Father

Notes and Crap (entry six)

Notes and Crap (entry seven)

Notes and Crap (entry eight)

Notes and Crap (entry nine)

Desert Rose Shenanigans (Entry One)

Desert Rose Shenanigans (Entry Two)

Notes and Crap (entry ten)

Hakumei Shenanigans (entry one)

Notes and Crap (entry eleven)

3rd Letter to both Mother and Father

1st Letter to Xozgoral Manto

Notes and Crap (entry twelve)

Notes and Crap (entry thirteen)

Notes and Crap (entry fourteen)

Notes and Crap (entry fifteen)

Desert Rose Shenanigans (Entry Four)

Notes and Crap (entry sixteen)

Notes and Crap (entry seventeen)

Notes and Crap (entry eighteen)

Notes and Crap (entry nineteen)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-one)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-two)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-three)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-four)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-five)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-six)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-seven)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-eight)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-nine)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-one)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-two)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-three)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-four)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-five)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-six)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-seven)

Notes and Crap (entry thirty-eight)

Notes and Crap (entry twenty-two)

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