A journal entry of Iago - Creepy Castle Land; 0 stars, will not visit again

Can the mournlands get worse - oh yes my boy, oh yes. I can't imagine a day like today. Even after having survived it, it doesn't seem like it can be real. If I woke up and it was a nightmare brought on by too much ale it would defy description, yet as far as I can tell it is real.
 
The day started, Kabouto remained shaken this "morning", though we can't really tell the time of day. I don't know what it is like to get ripped out death's cold hard clutches by the purple magic of the Fates own devil, but the Shadowman's barely disguised terror suggests I don't want to find out.
 
Goody two shoes scouted the place with her impressive, if disconcerting, ability to run up walls. She reported the place seemed abandoned, and that it was mostly under roof except for a courtyard in the distance. The creepy castle's walls were protected by 4 towers as well.
 
Katherine seemed mighty impatient while Kabouto and I agreed that discretion was the better part of valor. Kathrine and Rei some how got the door open and Rei begain to scout in. She seemed to be in trouble - being drug in by some monster, and the sword acted - another ability I had never seen - it grabbed her with some sort of magical force and flung her away from the door.
 
Was old goody-two-shoes grateful for being saved from some terrible fate? No, it was a stupid prank. Here we are about to be attacked by a dragon of all things (more on that later) and she is just screwing around jerking my chain.
 
Seeing red I used my new found power to just blast the door open and we piled in, Rei in the lead. The Shadow man was trying to get us to be quieter - and so we went back to sneaking down the massive hallway. 2/3s of the way to the courtyard I could see at the end a creepy sound came from behind us. We couldn't see anything but it stopped when ever we looked. Spooked, we ran for the courtyard. Big mistake, a dragon (seriously I am not making this up), a dragon, huge, black, wings, massive pointy teeth and claws - a real, terrifying, never to be cursed enough dragon was perched on one the towers. We revered course so quickly I am surprised the soles of our shoes didn't tear right off.
 
Of course now we were stuck between and unknown vile monster in creepy castle land and a dragon. EW wanted to go after the dragon - they aren't real she kept repeating. Who cares if it is real, or a dragon? It is a 20 ft tall, flying monster that can eat any 1 of us in a single bite. That means that the other near death experience is likely better.
 
Unfortunately, we also saw a portal on the other side of the courtyard - several of the stupider party members were sure that is where we were destined to go. I tried to convince them that we were supposed to find the key in a keep, no mention of a portal, so regrouping outside the keep was a much better, and safer, strategy than braving a dragon for a portal to an unknown destination. Rei argued and called for a vote - clearly only a fool would vote for her plan, I thought I was saved. Unfortunately, I forgot that I was in the group of the most powerful fools ever assembled in one place. So portal to hell guarded by a dragon it would be.
 
Once we decided on near certain death, there as a bit of debate as to how to cross a courtyard guarded by an enormous dragon. We debated, but for naught, Bibiana simply handled it.
 
Have I written about the Fates own devil? That she is scary powerful? That she twists fate itself to suit her? I was wrong, 10,000 times wrong! The Fates own devil must torture the Fates dreams every night.
 
The most terrifying creature I have seen, a huge warrior, covered in armor and tentacles, with a living sword larger than the tongue of the largest wagon, strode down the hallway frighting me near to death, but simply asked Bibiana her biding. It totally ignored EW as it started at its summoner; her words - kill the dragon. As it strode out to fight the dragon it warned her, if you want to go, go now. It bellowed in a terrible language and the dragon attacked. We ran for the portal, and as we made it EW threw her axe at the dragon; if I have to hear 1 more time about how she "fought" a dragon we were running from I think I will stab myself.
 
We got through the portal near a keep surrounded by a lake of lava. Yes, a lake of lava, after a magic portal, a dragon, and Fate Twisters servant of the old gods. And that isn't all of it, not by far.
 
EW can't take the heat so we moved on, flying over the lake of lava by the Shadowman's magic. As we breached the exit from the cavern there was an entrance hall guarded by a living statue. Rei got off to a tough start, her sword glancing off its stone hide. The sword's power continued as it has the past few days, spurts and flubs, it barley seemed able to touch the stoney villain. Still no idea why, is it this place, is it me, is it some plot of the metal traitor? I know I need to put more effort into this failure to perform, but the events in the Mournlands defy belief and keep me on edge every moment. Even so, we were victorious, Rei getting its measure, and the rest of my allies (that word came to mind, is it true? I think it is) powering through.
 
It barely seems worth mentioning that we flew over another pool of lava as we explored further. It is clear that there are strange, powerful beings with puzzles and battles. I don't know if they are enemies, potential allies trapped in some magic web, or tests to prove our worth. The sword seems to favor the idea of trials.
At any rate the first "trial" seems to be based around food and a test of wits, matching up icons to their doom at the mouths of dragons. EW got to play with dolls, we are even now sure we answered correctly, but the giant statue in the room attacked. It wasn't clear what was happening at first, but eventually we were fighting for our lives. I got in the first blow and it seemed as if the swords power was back, but it would fizzle mere seconds later. It was a solid fight, but the statue was no dragon and we emerged victorious. Vicious shadows, animated daggers, and giant apes, all old hat at this point. As the foe was defeated, a feeling of satiation washed over us and we felt refreshed.
 
We followed the spirit of the statue; that makes no sense does it? But I don't know how else to describe it, each of the trials had a statue - and each statue had a spirit that went to the central door and waited after the statue's defeat.
 
On and on the test and battles went. The next room was filed with brass spheres that moved in a pattern and a riddle. EW and Bibiana were sure that the answer was death - but the spheres made us uneasy and we decided to explore further to get more clues.
 
The next room had crypts and a dais, with a small room off of it. Pedestals lined the rear. We found magically locked chests that delivered contents which seemed to need to be order with the pedestals. The 3rd chest contained a gnome named Gerald that attacked me when released. My companions came to his defense, I did eventually stuff him back in the chest. We could not make head nor tails of this mix and match riddle.
 
EW lead us back to the brass spheres and is lead through a choreographed act by a statue, in the process she is forced to stab Rei, and cut open her own hand to retrieve a key. I was impressed by the sacrifice she and Rei were willing to make, I can't see myself doing it. I have never regretted that before, do I now? Why is that? Is the crazy that is my companions infecting me? Is it the sword? Is the Fate twister altering my thread? I am afraid of the answers.
 
The sequence ended as EW unlocked the room, and the statue attacked. At least this time we were ready for it. My power wasn't at its peak but I did OK. Rei got her soul ripped from her body, collapsing in a heap. I saw Bibiana go to her, and she shuddered back to life. Rei yelled for us to get the scythe the statue was using to tear our souls from our physical form. She valiantly attacked, even thought it was obvious she wouldn't survive, sacrificing herself for us. The scythe was destroyed, at great cost, but assuring the statues defeat. Once again I couldn't help but notice that "goody-two-shoes" isn't just a nickname. Once again, the Fates own devil stopped Rei's thread from being cut short.
 
On to the third room, a smithy. We released the smith statue from his frozen metallic prison, by releasing a cauldron of lava onto him. Again, a battle like no other. Rei called for water to put out the Smith's burning form, but he dodged the huge barrel of water I attempted to drop on him. Still, victory was at hand and the smith's spirit joined the other 2 at the central door.
 
Back to the final room, and the Fate's own devil asked the Traveler for what to do with Gerald. Her otherworldy voice intoned "Across the Valley from Death is Life" and the riddle clicked into place, the statue came to life and we fought for our lives once again. It was hard fought, and the sword rallied, rocking the statue's regal form with an impressive array of magic, but the hero of the fight had to be Bibiana who drove her flying animated dagger through the huge form, from stem to stern.
 
With the royal statue defeated, a treasure appeared as the crypts were magically opened. A fortune such as I had never seen, not even dreamed! If we live we will indeed be rich, no matter the King's treachery. I despaired as to how we would move this bounty back to the land of normality, but the Shadow man has a magical storage pit. I don't know how trustworthy he is, but I almost feel that today's events have somewhat overshadowed greed and that my companions may actually be allies. At any rate, there is nowhere to spend the money here and preserving my blood is the problem for today, preserving my gold is a problem for our return, if we make it that far.
 
Even now the day isn't over, we are catching our breath for a moment before proceeding with our hard won blessings to the door, now surrounded by the statue spirits, to either fight them again, or face the next impossible situation.