Tried talking to Gunnloda this morning about her drinking so much...
I don't know if it did anything... besides making me feel real stupid for asking.
I know she won't leave, I know.
But every time, every time I want to bring something up that might be "bad", or something similar that Kendall did, there's this little voice that keeps telling me she's going to leave again. That I am going to fuck up and she'll just be gone and I won't be able to get her back.
And she knows I'm afraid of that... threw it right back in my face, like what I was saying was the most ridiculous thing. Like I was the problem.
She apologized...
She did... but it hurt just as bad as when my mama told me my horns were ridiculous.
The only difference is my mama doesn't remember who I--
Gunnloda won't remember who I am either...
That doesn't mean I should forgive her so easily, but...
How do I stop being so afraid to talk to her? Stop being so afraid to 'mess' up?
I wish I wasn't so afraid of losing people.
Goddess, I tell the others all the time to just do shit and I can't do any of it myself. This is exactly why I said Kendall and Gunnloda have to talk stuff out first and yet here I am, doing the same fucking thing.
Such a fucking useless idiot.