Dragons, Temples, and Exes oh my

So
 
…
 
Went on a boat, first time without drowning. Swimming was fun and kind of relaxing considering…
 
Ran into a fucking dragon, Ryleigh did not do well with it…
 
Dragons are so pretty though, I wish I could see one and not have it try to kill us.
 
I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned that I hate that fucking gun Nolanos has…
 
I really fucking hate it
 
It’s too loud. I don’t… I really don’t understand— and I feel like it’s just useless to say anything because what good has it done?
 
 
I messed up a lot too.
 
I knew there was something wrong with that floor but Nolanos… and then Ryleigh… fuck why didn’t I just tell them to step over it? I even through that rock on it and it would have been my fault.
 
I knew that fucking tree wasn’t just a tree, I should have used the moonbeam on it like I was thinking.
 
And then I just wasted my shifting because I wanted to look like that tiger in the room and… Ravaphine I think saved us. I really had nothing to help with Cidro. Nothing. Just hitting him with a stick and we all know how good I am at that.
 
All because this…
 
I just keep running past conversations in my head and I…
 
I feel so stupid
 
Is she really…
 
But why would I even think, why would that even cross my mind?
 
I thought she just…
 
I don’t know, I thought she just wanted something.
 
Does she not want me to know?
 
Should I even ask Takara?
 
Should I just ask her about Gunnloda? To see if she wants to see my wife? I— Is that what she meant when—
 
So many things sounded weird but I just didn’t question them, I just kept ignoring them and letting them go…
 
We’re out here trying to get Ravaphine’s mom out of jail, Brimeia has some weird ass shit going on that I know is the same as before and I can’t even focus on any of it. I told Ryleigh to deal with it later because I want to deal with everything later.
 
I think it helped that we really needed to find a way out fast…
 
Why wouldn’t she tell me
 
She let them…
 
But she…
 
I felt so alone but she always let me…
 
I thought I was bothering her.
 
Why did I never ask if I was bothering her?
 
I just want to cry
 
Pfft imagine that? Bursting into tears in front of all of them because I’ve been looking for one mother when I had another one right there?
 
Fuck
 
What the actual fuck?
 
I can’t deal with this I’m— I don’t know if I’m mad or upset or all of them and I can’t
 
 
 
Gunnloda… Gunnloda. I didn’t want her to be right, I didn’t want to be right.
 
I didn’t even know what to say to her. All I could think of was anything and everything to make it worse.
 
And they asked for Kendall because Ravaphine got bit and would have ended up like Cae… Cae who is a werewolf becau— it’s not her fault it— it isn’t, it’s not like she did it on purpose.
 
Kendall came of course… I didn’t know… I didn’t know she cared that much but I won’t apologize for getting mad at her. I want them to be friends again, I was even fine if Gunnloda wanted to love both of us, but not— not like that. Not to change herself to something she isn’t for that love.
 
I almost told both of them about the possibility about being related to a god but I didn’t want to take away from Gunnloda’s thing. I kind of did anyway.
 
Are we done yet? Are we back in Riverrun so I can go out with my wife and have a nice day or two and not wonder if I’ve spent the last four years with a mother I didn’t know I had? And not wonder why they can’t see my wife and why she’s…
 
They’re missing out on a wonderful person and I don’t care what anyone says, I still think she’s capable of all the same things Kendall is, if not more.
 
 
 
That was an interesting conversation to sit in on. Gunnloda was right, it was awkward, but I’m glad I was there. Now I actually feel like I should apologize because… It really is a good idea to get both sides of the story… but she still hurt Gunnloda by not talking to her and essentially shutting her out.
 
I really did mean it when I told Gunnloda I didn’t mind if she wanted to be with Kendall too. Now that I know what I know. I said it more to break the tension, honestly, because there’s a lot I think that needs to be said still before it could even be possible. Can’t go back to that shit communication they had. That’s not good for anyone…
 
And now I can’t stop thinking about… Will they tell me the truth? Or just what they think i want to hear? Or what they only want me to know and nothing else?
 
Ugh whatever thinking about it is getting me absolutely nowhere and I’m going to make sure my wife is okay because that was a crazy emotional ride and I was just listening.